LEARNING THE RULES OF THE GAME
by PanicButton
Summary: reidCentric OMC OMC Hotchner. Sequel to Too Many Questions: what will happen now that Someone has made a choice and the others get left behind? One angry teenager...one confused Reid and a very battered Hotch make their way with FFF through a forest.//
1. Chapter 1

**LEARNING THE RULES OF THE GAME.**

* * *

The forest.

It is huge and dark and the trees are widely spaced and huge. We walk side by side but we are not talking. We haven't been talking for a few hours now and I'm OK with that I think. I don't know if it is OK with Spencer, but at least he has stopped moaning at me.

I would love to give him all the answers but he doesn't need them. I glance sideways at him and he is walking staring ahead. I can see from his profile that not only is he very beautiful but also very confused.

'We need to eat soon.' I say to him, but he just mumbles something about not being hungry and stumbles on a few more steps as I stop and watch him.

Let me give you some visuals here so you can imagine the scene a bit better.

Spencer, he has on a pair of black jeans. They fit him wondrously. They are slightly low slung, but not too much. We are after all not clubbing. His shirt is very dark grey. It is almost black but you can see the contrast against the inky blackness of his jeans. He has this shirt tucked in and he had a wide black belt on. You can't see the buckle from the back but I'll tell you – he has my "Whore" belt buckle on. It's a chunky buckle. I'll tell you also that he had his top shirt button undone and he had a narrow tie on loosely around his neck. He is wearing black lace up boots on his feet. His shirt sleeves are rolled up. His hair is not long enough to tie back and is kicking up is curls on the back of his head.

Me. I have on a looser pair of dark jeans. They are ripped on the left knee and grass stained on the right. I have a checked shirt on in shades of blue. Dark blue and over that I have a denim jacket with the sleeves cut off and over that I have a long almost ankle length black coat. I have my hair all one length now and it's level with my jaw, but I have on my head a bandana to cover a nasty scar on my forehead and the hat I was given. I'm smoking. I'm chewing on herbs and fungi and I must admit to feeling light in the head.

I don't often feel hungry. Not for food, but now I am watching that tall skinny person walking in front of me and stumbling over nothing and my hunger drifts from my stomach to my groin.

I bite on my bottom lip. 'Spencer, we need to ear something at some point.'

He stops and I see how the muscles in his backside tense. He turns and looks at me. 'I'm not eating anything you've given me.' He tells me.

I have noticed how he is becoming increasingly stubborn. I pull a yellowish grey lump of something squashy out of my front pocket and hold it up between two fingers so that he can see it. 'It will make you feel better.' I tell him.

'I'm not eating it.' He begins to turn away from me. I know I am going to have to force him. I don't like doing it.

Damnit. I am a liar even when I talk to myself.

I will love doing it.

'Spencer, really I'm not giving you a choice.' And I see this back stiffen slightly as he begins to walk away from me.

-o-o-o-

I don't know where I am.

I don't know what I am doing here.

I've tried to figure it all out and work out why I would be here and at first I thought it was a nightmare or a vivid dream, but it's not. This is real. I know Floyd has been drugging me. He has been feeding me strange tasting things. I don't know what it is and at first I was fine with eating it, but today I don't want to. Today things are becoming less cloudy and not so confusing, though I'm still not sure why I am here.

I have memories which feel like they are a million years old. They feel displaced. As though the filing cabinet I keep my memories in has been tipped out onto the floor and everything has been put back in the wrong order. Some bits missing. Thrown away.

'You need to eat.' He keeps telling me, but I don't want to eat what he is giving me. I want to clear my head and try to work things out. I want – I want to remember.

'I really am not going to eat it.' I tell him.

I don't know what it is about me. I don't know if this happens because I have a secret desire for it to happen or if it is because I cannot prevent it. Really the reasons right now don't matter. His hand is on my shoulder and he is dragging and pulling me around to face him. He is shorter than me by a good few inches. I know I am skinny but under the layers of clothes he has on so is he. I should be able to defend against him. I know how to defend myself. I have been shown. This really shouldn't be a problem, yet somehow it is. I allow myself to be pulled around and my stomach jumps in a strange sort of excitement as I see his face and those dark eyes looking at me.

'Eat it.' I am told again and I slowly shake my head and inside my boots I am curling and uncurling my toes. My fingers tap irritably on the side of my legs waiting. Not defending. Wanting what happens next.

The punch takes me on the side of my face and I stagger side ways. I bit the inside of my mouth and made a small noise of surprise. That noise though, that was for Floyd. He likes my little noises. He likes me to cry out and moan. There are no exceptions to this part of the game.

My right hand comes up and I rest it on my face where he hit me. 'Not in the face.' I tell him.

'It doesn't matter now. No one but me can see it. Get your hand out of the way.'

And so it drops to my side again and I stand and look at him and I start counting. I close my eyes and I count to ten before the punch to my kidneys has my down on my knees on the forest floor. I cry out in pain and put my hands down into the leaves on the ground. I feel his boot make contact with my shoulder and he kicks me back onto the ground.

'Eat it.' and though I squirm and wriggle he is able to sit astride me across my hips. I don't want to eat it but his fingers are pressing it between my lips and the way he is sitting across me brings back flashes of memory from somewhere, I don't know where and I reach up and place my hands on his upper arms and I look into his eyes and open my mouth.

I know he is not going to kill me. I know in his own way that he loves me, or needs me. I know he protects me from everything from the mid day sun to the monsters in the dark. I feel the chewy lump in my mouth and watch Floyd as he smirks at me.

'Well done babes.' And his fingers run slowly over the growing bruise on my face. 'But I wouldn't have to do this if you just did what you are told.'

I chew slowly on the thing but I don't answer him. Obviously he is right. I should just do what he tells me. I do it in the end anyway, but this feeling, being pinned down and my jaw hurting and now his tenderness showing his own vulnerability makes my heart pound harder. I grip hold of his arms tighter and his hands are pulling and twisting at my tie.

'The things I want to do to you.' He tells me.

'Really?' I chew and smile and wonder why I resisted this in the first place.

Somewhere in the back of my mind is a memory trying to push its way through. It is warning me. Telling me not to eat anything he gives me, but I cant remember why anymore and when his own squirming and twistings stop and he lets go of my tie and he hands me a small cellophane bag with bits of meat in it, sticking to the sides and to each other, I take it without question.

-o-o-o-

'Give me something!' I have to shout at them. I have to. I don't want to because I know I am what I am and I know they don't want to listen to me but I am a pushy little son of a bitch and I cant do this without just a bit of help. 'Just give me something to set the ball running!'

I am standing with my heels together and my arms out in front of me, palms up. Because I am leaning slightly back and I am looking upwards calling out I see it. I see it drifting in what would normally be a strange and eerie manner, but this is here and so when it is within reach I take the length off dark wood in my hands and pull it to my bare chest. I don't say thank you. I don't even acknowledge it. I hold it tightly in one hand and run my fingers along it. I can feel its age. I can see even in this dark red light that it has been used before. A second hand bit of two by two about three foot in length.

He has been watching me. I don't know if he saw what I plucked from the air and it will be best if he doesn't really. I turn and look over at him. He is watching me. 'Are you going to do what I asked?' I say to him, but he doesn't answer. It takes me about, no exactly, five steps to reach him and I am sure he can now see the weapon I have in my hands. 'You need to defend a bit.' I tell him, and by the look on his face he is going to defend a lot.

And he does defend and really I knew he would but I wasn't expecting him to be so damned good at it. My first strike catches his right forearm. He makes a noise of pain which is quite satisfying and then with his left hand he is grabbing hold of my length of wood. He tugs at it and twists it and I am strong. I really am surprisingly strong considering I'm not fully grown yet and I am going to be a runt anyway. I feel it being ripped from my hands. Now I know I have to move fast. I bounce in closer.

'Stop it!'

He shouts out to me, but I'm not listening. I am trying to find his shoulder so I can dig in my teeth and start ripping and my hands are trying to find the weapon, but he has thrown it.

'No!' I bellow at him 'You have to let me do this!' But he is a fool. He won't listen to me. He just doesn't understand.

I feel his hands on my waist trying to push me away from him and I like it. I like him touching me and so I hold on even tighter and wrap my legs around him. I can hear he is shouting at me. He doesn't want me on him I can feel his hands pushing me but the more he pushes the more I enjoy it and the harder I hang onto him.

My hands though – they have made their way to his throat and I am hissing at him in his ear, 'Don't you go getting me too excited now, I might want to screw your arse as well as whop it.'

'Get off!' He is shouting back though. I think maybe he has realised that I might be a scrawny little shit but what I lack in height and weight I make up for in spite and general all round malevolence. I can taste his blood I my mouth as I suck at the wound I have ripped in his shoulder.

'Just let me. Let me do this and we can go home. Let them think I've got you."

He is still pushing me back and he is swaying and moving slowly in a small circle shouting and pushing and pulling at me. I grip tighter with my thighs around him. It gives, you see, a false reading for Hotchner. He wont be able to predict my next move if all he can think about is tying to remove me.

I have to time it well and I am good with time. Usually. I count down in my head, five, four, three, two, ONE and then allow his hands to push me off him. I drop to the floor and make a small sound of pain even though it didn't really hurt. I lick my lips and roll backwards. I move quickly. I grab the length of dark wood. I stand and as he moves his hands to inspect the damage done to him I swipe him across the face with the bit of old dark oak. The edge catches him. This is purposeful. I want to hurt him. I need to make him see he can't win here. I have to have control and he's a fucking control freak and isn't going to give in easily……

But it catches him in the face. I did a little jump of joy when it hit him and he flailed with his hands and took a step back putting his hands to his face as I now went for that soft bit of skin under this arm on the side of his chest.

He howled in pain.

I howled with delight as I see the flesh tear and blood cast off and go flying into the dark red light of this place. He staggers back and I am there again and this time his hands are up to cover his face and I know he wants to fight me. 'Don't hide from me Hotchner!' I shout and crack his across the shins. A small yelp but enough for me to use that surprise to use the wood and jab hard into this stomach and he starts to bend over and I smack him as hard as I can across the side of the head.

I heard something crack and at first thought it was the wood, but it wasn't. He slumps forwards and to make sure that I give him all I have I bring the end down on the back of his neck.

I win.

He is mine.

'Can we go now?!'

* * *


	2. Chapter 2 Boys Will Be Boys

Boys Will Be Boys

* * *

It is getting dark when we reach the small shack in the middle of no where. One of the ranger places. It's small and has a simple cot bed in the corner. The floor is compact earth and the window is covered with shutters. As the light is dimming Floyd moves around the place lighting up a hurricane lamp and some candles.

'Make yourself at home.' He tells me whilst indicating the cot. 'It'll get cold later, I'll see if there are any blankets.'

I have a strange feeling of an odd familiarity. Not the place as such. The situation. I walk to the bed and prod at it with my fingers. It is a wooden frame with a plastic covered canvas stretcheld over it. Probably fine to sleep on if you are used to it. Not so fine for me. It looks too short to start with. I look down at the floor and wonder if it will be more comfortable to sleep there. When look up I can see dark eyes peering at me.

'There is a problem?' he asks me and I tell him.

'It's too short.'

He smiles at me and drops a pile of blankets on the floor. 'It will be just right. You'll see.'

Floyd is watching me closely and I try to work out what he is probably thinking but his face is just set in that odd smirk of his and it's not until he talks that my stomach twists in a knot of panic or maybe confusion.

'You just snuggle up on the bed. I'll sit and…I'll just sit here.'

But I don't want to. Again memories from all the wrong places are creeping their way through my mind and getting muddled with others. I can see – in my mind – I can see me as a much younger person and Floyd looking more like Sam than himself. I can see him sitting on the floor with guns in his hands. Waving them around. 'Have we been here before?' I ask him. Though this memory of mine we are not here, but I cant explain it to myself any better.

'No babes. We've never been here before.'

He tells me as he moves to the back of the hut and sits on the floor with his kneels pulled in and his arms crossed resting on his knees.

'The situation feels familiar.' I say to him as I turn and lean over prodding the bed again with one hand and running my other hand over the blankets. I waited for a response but didn't seem to get one until I tried to stand up straight again and felt his hand on my back pushing me back down again. I don't know how he got there so fast without me even hearing him and it makes me jump and let out a strange little yelp

The words, 'On your knees.' Are hissed in my ear and with a small grin on my face I lower myself down and lean forwards slightly over the cot. 'Floyd,' I want to ask him something, but he cuts me off.

'Does this situation still feel familiar?' I can feel his hands pulling my shirt out and sliding his hands up my back. He must be on his knees behind me. 'Maybe you need a small reminder.' And one hand is snaking around to my "whore" belt buckle and he deftly un-does that and then the top button. His free hand is clawing at my back and my hands have pulled over a blanket and my fingers are digging into the rough woollen texture.

The sudden dragging on my lie from behind makes me yelp out in surprise. I can feel what he is doing. His other hand is behind me and I can hear the slithering sound of his belt being pulled undone and his fingers are twisting on the back of my tie harder and harder as he is now pushing me forwards and dragging at my pants. I move one of my hands and place it at the back of my neck on top of Floyd's which is twisting and pulling harder as he pushes forward and I move back and he is biting my hand and I can hear his heavy breaths as my airways are restricted. My fingers were twisting on the blanket but now my hand moves to the tie slowly tightening around my throat. In one way I want to tell him to stop, but, but I don't want him to. I need him to do this – to hurt me – so I can feel something other than this confusion. The greyness encroaching around the edges of my vision and now I have my eyes closed and my hands are at my sides and I squirm under the pressure, I see stars exploding in the darkness……

-o-o-o-

The squirming stops but I don't.

I know he wants this and so even though I don't think he is breathing Iwill finish what I am doing. Deal with the consequences afterwards. He has stopped responding to me and the gagging choking sounds have stopped now but I push hard against him to keep him in place and give the fabric of his tie one last twist as I get what I want from my little whore and back away.

He slumps sideways onto the floor and lies there looking broken and used. I stand for a while and just look at him while I do my belt up again and tuck my shirt back in. My long coat I've removed and now I roll up my shirt sleeves but he is still just lying there unmoving.

'Spence.' I prod him with my boot and he doesn't moan or move so I kneel down next to him and grab his bony shoulder and push him over onto his back. Somehow looking at his front makes me want him again. I want him so badly. I cant see the bites and abuse from the front, but I don't. I pull at the tie around his neck and loosen it and put my hand on his chest to feel if his heart is still beating. Erratic and too fast. I don't much want him to die. Not when I've only just got him back to where I need him, so I pull his clothing back into place and kneel astride him and put my mouth on his and talk to him. 'Breathe for me babes.' I tell him, but I don't think he can hear me. One hand on his heart to calm it down and another on his cheek. ' Come on Spence. One breath is all.' And I am finding this so exciting. I have flashing images of what I could do to him if his heart stops. I imagine using him for a few days and then slowly bit by bit tearing at his soft flesh and taking him in ways only I can do. I look and see how my fingers are digging into his chest through the fabric of his shirt and little dark marks are showing as my fingernails break his skin and the blood soaks into the dark grey. 'You need to breathe now.' I tell him. I need to rid my mind of the images and keep my whore alive. I need him. I need him more than I ever knew I would.

My hand makes hard contact with the side of his face and his eyes jump open with shock and he takes a long deep breathe into him lungs. 'Well done babes' I tell him, but he once again has that confused look on his face. His hands come up and for a split second I thought he was going to slap me back, but he just places his hands on the sides of my face.

'Thank you.'

His soft voice tells me, but I'm not sure what he is thanking me for but that's fine. He has given me permission to do this again. My fingers play gently with his tie.

'Anytime Spence.' I tell him .

-o-o-o-

Let me set the scene for you. We are on the outskirts of a small town and we are looking for a motel room. This place looks good. A couple of compact cars in the lot and nothing much else. The "Vacancy" sign is a guttering red neon and the rooms are in one long slightly curved block forming a staggered semi circle. I am letting Aaron take the lead. 'Get us a room' I told him and he looked at me and nodded and started to walk away. 'Don't try anything stupid.' I call after him. 'Remember why we are doing this!' And Aaron stops and turns to look at me.

He has on. A pair of blue jeans and a darker blue Tshirt. He has on over the top of that a slightly fitted dark coat. I don't want to admit that I like the way he looks. He is my toy and I won him. I can use him how I want, but I refuse to show anything even bordering on friendship. It is the only way I can control him. Keep the threats. He has on black boots. We will be doing a lot of walking. The shoes he had on before where not suitable. We argued over it. He argued over it. I kicked him in the groin and planted my knee under his chin and when he was back on his arse I asked him. 'You want to put these boots on so we can find Spencer?' And so he did.

There is a bruise on his face now but it will heal. I can help with that too.

I've got on what I always wear. Sort of. Blue denim dungarees with a rip in the knee and an orange T under it. I've got on my feet a pair of heavy kicking boots. I can see around the stitching on the edge where they have become stained with blood. It makes me smile. My hair is tucked back behind my ears and it shoulder length and in my hand I hold my bit of wood and I swing it around in front of me and smirk.

'Just get a damned room.' And I kick at the dirt on the floor but I don't take my dark eyes off his. This is the problem with looking like a damned teenager, they give me no fucking respect. It makes me want to kill things and once Aaron is sleeping and stuff, then will go out and hunt. This though isn't helping find dad and his slut. Then again I need to decide what to do to them once I find them and I need to get Aaron in to the right place in his own head if he is going to help me kill the fuckers. He is entering the small office room now and I stand and watch. He knows I 'll be watching all the time.

You might have noticed that I am calling him "Aaron", this is so people will not look at us with so much curiosity. I thought they would think us lovers maybe, but I dunno if they do. Maybe just friends, Maybe step dad. I want people to think I screw him, or he screws me. Yes. I want people to think I am his little whore. I like the idea of that. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy in side and makes my smirk turn into a grin.

And here he is walking back towards me a small frown on his face and a key in his hand. 'Twenty five.' And he passes the key to me. He is good. He knows who is in charge here. I glance over at the doors and raise and eyebrow and he takes the hint and walks over to the appropriate door.

A small room but plenty big enough.

I want him to take me. I want him…I want him bad…but he's not like Spencer or my dad. He wont do that to me. I can see him looking at me and I wonder what he is thinking.

-o-o-o-

I seem to be living in a world of confusion. Sam is – I don't know what Sam is. He is going to help me find Spencer and Floyd but I cant remember why it is so important to find them so quickly. Sam is in a hurry. He talks to me constantly. He has explained what Spencer did. He explained what Flanders did. I know what I have to do to stop this confusion. The way he looks at me. The child is creepy. And now the door has slammed shut and he is standing there with his bit of wood and a nasty look on his face.

'Shower'

he tells me and at least that will get the dirt of the day off me. I walk to the small bathroom and see that there is a big shower cubical and no bath. Towels hang over a radiator which isn't turned on. I turn on the water for the shower and close the bathroom door. Quickly I strip. I don't like not having clean clothes to put on afterwards. I would really like a bathrobe to slip into, but nothing but the clothes I've had on all day. I fold my clothes carefully and place them on the toilet seat lid and then step into the cubical. There are three sides to it and it is quite deep. Small bottles of shampoo and shower gel sit on a ledge. I pick up the shampoo and squirt some into my hand and massage it into my hair.

I am thinking of Spencer. Wondering about him. I think my memories are effected. I have some strong memories of him. Ones of his face and of his back, and of his shoulders. I know what he smells like. I know what it feels like to touch his skin. I know what it feels like to have my arms around him and I know what it feels like to think he is dead and I cant think why he would have left me there. I cant think why the Spencer I think I know would have betrayed me like that. I know that the Spencer in my mind wouldn't have done what Sam is saying he did but I can think of no other reason I am here now….

My thoughts are so deep that I didn't sense or hear the door open behind me. I didn't know. I could have defended but I didn't realise until the wooden stave came down on the back of my head. My knees buckle with the shock and I put out my hands to balance myself. The walls though they are slippery and wet and I have no grip. As I try to turn to defend Sam swings for me again and catches me in the shoulder. He is strong. Much stronger than he looks. The muscles in his arms are taut and he makes a small cry of jubilation as the weapon strikes my right upper chest.

-o-o-o-

I'm not going to kill him. I need him to much, but I am going to beat the crap out of him and have him. He wont give me what I want then I will have to have second best. Even at sixteen a guy has his needs. He is on his hands and knees and blood is mixing with the soapy water. He isn't making a noise. He is strong in that respect and so I use my kicking boots and give him a quick square boot in the face.

He is lying now in the shower tray with his hands over his head but it doesn't stop me. I crack the wood down again and he finally yelps out and moves his fingers out of the way and I am able to bring my weapon down onto the back of his head.

Finally he has stopped moving.

I am not my father.

I don't like to fuck the dead.

My father is twisted and sick. I am just after some FBI arse to help me relax. I kick him until he is on his back and then I quickly strip and join him in the watery puddle of blood.

I'm going to sleep well tonight. It amuses me that he moans a bit. I know deep down it is the horror of this situation, but as the saying goes. Boys will be boys.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3 Rules Again

Rules Again

* * *

I wake up on the floor. I don't know if I ever actually made it as far as the bed, but I do have a blanket over me. I know something happened and again I can't completely remember what it was. I can smell smoke and as I squint open my eyes I look across the dirt floor and over to Floyd who is sitting looking into space and smoking a cheroot thing he has probably rolled himself. He doesn't see that I am awake so I close my eyes again and try to just stay where I am. Safe.

The gentle padding sound on the floor though alerts me to the fact that Floyd did see me and is on his way over. I feel the rush of air as he sits down next to me and his smell wafts over to let me know he is definitely there. It is his special smell. His musky safe smell.

'I got these.' He says and so I open my eyes and look over at him again. He is holding out his hand and resting in his palm is a mix of berries and leaves and mushrooms. 'It tastes better than it looks.' And he smirks at me.

I don't feel like eating though. Not today. I don't want to eat the food clutched in his filthy hands but I cant refuse it. It will make him angry and that is something else I don't want. I sigh and move over so that I am lying on my back and ensure the blanket comes with me. I'm not sure how well dressed I am under it. I prop myself up on my elbows and look at the food in his hand again. 'I'm not really that hungry yet.' I tell him. Not a refusal to eat it but a temporary delay. I will eat it later maybe.

But

I don't think it is going to be good enough.

'You realise what happens to your body if you don't eat?' He pushes his hand closer. 'I don't want that happening to you. Eat it.' It's not a request. 'Things need to be ordered Spencer. They need to be numbered and laid out simply for you to see. Number one is the washing thing. I insist that you wash every day. Number two is eating. You will eat. I will happily hunt and provide but you will not insult me by turning it down. Three, you will do as I tell you, I think that covers all the bases.'

Again this all seems to bring back weird memories and not necessarily good ones. I reach out my hand palm up and Floyd tips the mixture into it. Wrapped in the leaves are what looks to be small slices of raw meat. I prod at it and look at it and pick bits up and roll them around in my fingers and then look up at Floyd. 'I really am not too hungry.'

He nods at me but doesn't move but he talks to me.

'I don't sleep.' He starts. 'And so last night once I was done with you I left and went out hunting. I can easily find some of that stuff there Spence, but other things are harder to locate, but I did it anyway. I was concerned a few times that you would awaken and find yourself alone in the dark and in pain, but I also knew that you would need nourishment this morning. I picked and dug with a stick for things. I sat and waited and caught a creature which I crushed in my hands and skinned with my teeth and removed slithers of its flesh for you. I even prepared it by wrapping it for you so you don't have to touch it.' At this he prodded at my hand. 'I didn't do this because I have to eat fucking berried and leaves Spence, I did it because you do and we need, you need, to stay fit enough to keep going.'

I look at Floyd wondering if he has stopped his speech yet but he is just taking a breath to start again.

'It could have happened that whilst I was away you woke up. It could have happened that whilst I was away someone, maybe Sam arrived. I wouldn't have been there to defend you Spence. I wouldn't have been there to stave off the monsters Spence, you would have awoken, maybe from one of your nightmares and pissed yourself in fear. You would have whimpered and hidden under the cot and I wouldn't have been there.'

'Stop.' I tell him. 'You don't have to tell me how it could have been.' I look down at the stuff in my hand. 'I'll eat it.' And gradually bit by bit the pieces went into my mouth. I chewed of a couple of things but the contents of the leaves I swallowed whole.

'Thank you.' He says, but he is watching me. 'Now wash. There is a small stream out to the west. 'I'll take you there.'

I get up off the floor and now to my relief know for sure that my clothing is at least still on my body. My belt is undone and my buttons are too and the knot in my tie has been pulled too tight. As I run my fingers over it I get flashes of memory again. 'Floyd, what happened last night?' I know it had something to do with my tie, but he doesn't answer me. He slaps my hands out of the way and adjusts my tie for me.

'This way.' He tells me and we leave the rangers hut and he takes me by the hand and leads the way. I don't know what he fed me, but I can feel it gurgling and bubbling away in my stomach.

'Floyd.' I pull my hand away from his and put it over my mouth as the retching starts. The muscles in my stomach contract and force the food out and into my mouth and down my nose and finally between my fingers and onto the forest floor. The pressure of it, the speed it exits my body at is so extreme that it makes my eyes water and my body shake.

I know what is going to happen. I can feel the change.

Floyd is no longer mildly pissed off with me. The heat from his rage I can feel. It seeps through my skin and threatens to stop my heart. My fight or flight reflex kicks in but I suppose I kind of ignore it and just remove my hand from my face and look over at Floyd who is standing looking at me. There is no expression on his face. He is looking at me as though I am nothing more than rotting tree stump.

'I'm sorry.' I tell him. I really truly am sorry. I didn't want that to happen. I know what he went through to get it and I know next time he will take his time coming back to me. I know next time he will make sure I wake up alone in the dark.

'It's OK.' And though his face still has that strange blank look to it he grabs my vomit covered hand in his and pulls me forward again. I should know better than to think this is the end of it.

-o-o-o-

The tosser! I take all that time to get him stuff to eat and he barfs it over the forest floor. I'm staying calm. I'm not going to let this both her me. I like being with Spence. What's a bit of vomit between friends? I pull at his hand and virtually drag my little whore through the trees towards the forest stream I found last night. I can see it twinkling and blinking at me through the trees and Spencer is saying something about being sorry and crap but he's not. He didn't have to do that, but it's ok. It really is OK. I will remember screwing him and remember how he twitched under me as I had him and that makes me happy again. As I walk I turn slightly, just my head, and I look at him and again that confused look is on his face. That is good; enough of the crap got into his system before he expelled it. When we get to the edge of the water I let go of his hand and nod at him. 'We are here.' In case he hadn't noticed. 'I need you to wash.'

I can see that cute little line of confusion deepen on his face as he stands and looks at the water. 'In there?' he says to me, but I don't know where else he thought he as going to be able to wash.

'No babes. In the hot tub I have hidden behind that big old tree.'

But that confusion line just deepens and he shakes his head slowly. 'I don't understand.' But surely this is straight forward?

'Strip off and get in the river.' Simple instructions needed at this point.

'I'm not getting in there.' And he takes a step back.

'How else are you going to wash?'

He turns now to look at me. 'I'm not skinny dipping Floyd. I will freeze to death.'

I nod at him. 'That is understandable Spence, but you stink of old stale sex and I want you to smell of the river.'

If I listen really carefully I could probably hear his brain tick squealing with delight as he thinks this one through. 'No, Floyd. I'm not doing it.'

Ah.

This is not good. I was hoping he would at least try to remember the rules. 'I need you to do as I tell you Spence. One day it will save your life.'

'One day. Not today.' He lips me in return and I volley back with a back hander across his mouth. I see him take a couple of steps back but he doesn't go far with my hand already holding his tie. I jerk him forwards and his hands are coming up to defend so I swing him around and punch the back of his head.

'Don't you fucking lip me you slut!' I spit at him as he slips down to his knees. I move forwards quickly and my stomach is turning in quick angry knots and my vision is red with anger. I hardly feel it as I drag him across the ground by his hair and as I stand it is like watching someone else push him down onto his front and with a hand on the back of his head force his face into the ice cold water.

He shouldn't squirm.

Really he shouldn't do that. It excites me so much I can no longer think. All I can see is my hand under the water and he way he is trying to kick and the way one hand in attempting to pull my hand away from him and the other is splashing in the river. I assume he is looking with those long pale fingers for something to hold onto so that he can push out of the water but no amount of bucking and wriggling is going to get me off him now. I thought at first that I would strip him down and have his pretty little arse but now I don't want to. Now I just want to feel him struggle under me. I want to feel that wonderful powerful feeling of life draining from him. From anything, but yes, from him.

I back off.

And I watch as he coughs and splutters and pulls out of the water and my mind is racing and going to places it shouldn't be going.

'Spence.' I say as I watch him roll over so he is sitting on the bank of the small river. 'I need to do something.' My heart is pounding. It is pounding so hard that I am sure he can see it through my layers of clothing. 'I will be back. Stay here for the day.' I turn and start to walk off.

'Here?' His voice behind me.

'Yes. Here or the hut if it gets dark.' And I start moving faster away. I have to get away. I need to remove myself NOW from this situation but he is making it hard for me to do. I feel his hand grab for the back of my coat.

'You cant leave me here!'

'Well I cant take you with me and I cant stay, so the options are limited Spencer and take your hand off me.'

I don't know what he thinks he is doing. He surely doesn't think he can control me does he? I feel him pull back again on my coat. 'You cant just leave me here! What – what about – what about when it gets dark!' I can hear the fear in his voice but it doesn't stop my elbow going back and smacking him hard on the jaw. I turn to see him crumple into the leaves and I look at him and my mouth is watering and I want him…I need him…but not now and not like this. I pull my small silver lighter from my pocket and slip it into his. I lean down and kiss him gently on the mouth. 'I'll be as quick as I can.' And the need has built up to a point I am going to explode and if I don't leave now I will do something I really need to not do. I stand.

I turn and look into the forest…..

…and run.

-o-o-o-

He only looks slight battered. I don't thing anyone will notice. When he slept on the bathroom floor, I popped out and got some stuff from the woods just behind this crappy hole of a place. I got some herbs and stuff which I will spike his food with. I have to keep control somehow and I don't want to have to keep hitting him like that. I don't want him dead. I want him twisted. I want him to believe Spencer is a betraying Fucktard. Well you know? He _is _a betraying Fucktard there is no doubt about that. I want Aaron to smack his arse into kingdom come. I want my dad. I want him. I wouldn't expect Aaron to take dad on, but I know what he is doing to Spencer and I know he will be confused and weak and an easy target for Aaron.

Yes, I am calling him Aaron. I am standing now looking at him lying on his bed. I woke him up and got him to move. I had to prod him a bit first though. He is going to be hard to break but I will enjoy it, and best of all I will enjoy watching him kill Spencer.

We are walking.

We are walking along the grass verge of the far outskirts of the city. This road had grass verges which are dented an muddy in places where cars pull up onto them. Some of the single story dwellings here are boarded over. Others have wire fences around them and dogs barking in the yards. We are looking for a diner. There is one down the end of this street somewhere. Aaron asked someone. We got funny looks cos I had my hand on his arse all the time.

'I wish you would stop doing that.' He hisses at me after we have our directions.

'You've never complained before.' And I put on my offended face and I see his eyes soften again.

'I don't like it though Sam.' And he is talking normally again already the annoyance of being groped in public has gone. It's not such a hard task now to just take his hand as we walk.

'You know what he did don't you?'

'I know you theory Sam. Yes, but I need to talk to Spencer first. I am not going on the word of a child. I don't doubt that you believe what you saw, yes I know you are angry with them both, but we do need to sit and talk about this like adults and not just go in fists flying and then realise afterwards that is was a misunderstanding.'

'It was a blow job Aaron. Not a misunderstanding. Spencer is a whore. I know other stuff about him. I know what he gets up to at weekends. I know what he does. I know his preferences. I know him. I know all about him.' I carry on. I give him details and I feel his hand tighten in mine as I tell him about the small dark side streets Spencer likes to hang out in. I tell him about "Club Rag" which has small dark corners and couch's and places to do stuff to anyone at any time. I tell him about all this and the more I tell him the quieter Aaron gets and it feels good. I wrap my fingers tighter around Aaron's claiming him a bit more and a bit more with each squeeze.

I'm not my dad.

OK…I am my dad, but that doesn't mean I have to like what he does and it definitely doesn't mean I wont use weapons. I swing my arm as I hold his hand and carry on telling him about Spencer's whorings.

-o-o-o-

As Sam clutches at my hand and tells me these things I try to think back and pick out clues. I try to work out if this could be true. Is there any truth in this at all? I think of the way Spencer would seem so tired some days. I think of the times he needs extra sugar in his coffee. I think of the times he has been snappy and snarky with the team and I wonder if that had anything to do with what Sam is saying. I know Reid had a rough time, but it never crossed my mind that he was like this.

This isn't the Reid I know and though I don't want to blindly believe what Sam is saying to me, the images are now planted there and the way he talks. The repetitive narrative going on and on telling me of things which had happened through Spencer's point of view and then Flanders and then his own and the pictures are now in my head. Slowly that innocent sweet Reid is being eradicated by the words flowing from this child's mouth.

'No more. I don't want to keep hearing this.' I say and he digs in his fingernails and looks up at me and he licks his lips.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4 Incident in the Diner

Incident in the Diner

* * *

I feel cold.

Slowly I open my eyes and look around me. I am lying on my side by the river. I don't move for a while I just lay there and listen. I listen for Floyd and I listen for animals but it is silent but for the sound of the river. I put my hand to my jaw and feel where Floyd's elbow met me. There is a swelling there but nothing worse than I've had before. Gradually I make my way to sit. I am moist from the river and I have bits stuck in my hair which is mostly dry now and only a bit damp where I have been resting on the floor.

I try to work out what time of day it is, mid-day by the look of the placement of the sun in the sky. I rub at my skin where it itches from laying in the leaves and run my fingers through my hair to try to remove the forest from it.

He has gone.

He said he would be back.

But for now I am alone.

I could leave. I could leave and head out of here and find – and find – safety, but I have no idea how I got here. I don't remember being anywhere before I got here. I have no idea what part of the country I am in and I certainly am clueless as to my way out of this place. I stand up and cross my arms tightly around my chest. I know I cant stay here. I know I cant leave either. I turn and look at the river. It's not very deep. I could at least wash some of the dirt of myself.

Pulling my boots from my feet I place them carefully on a mound of grass. I pull off my socks and put the correct one in the correct boot. My jeans I slide out of and fold up carefully and place over the top of my boots. Tie; that is wound up and put carefully on top of the jeans and then my shirt which is damp over the shoulders and in a line down the back…and up one sleeve, so I place this over a tree branch.

So here I am in my underwear wondering why I didn't just do this in the first place and save a lot of pain and trouble. I look around me again and then step towards the bank of the small river where I can step down into the icy water.

It is freezing cold. I let out a smell yelp and think about jumping out again, but I want to smell of the river when Floyd returns and not of sweat and dirt, if I can help it. I am careful. I really don't want to get my boxers soggy, so the handfuls of water I slosh over myself are probably not adequate, but that really isn't the point. Floyd will know. He will know I washed. He will know I did this. He will know I am keeping to the rules as best I can.

-o-o-o-

'Did you know he wanted me? I'm kid right? Well he wanted me. He touched me. He held me real close and he pushed against me.'

'I don't wan to know.'

We are sitting in the diner we were looking for and Aaron is being a pain in the arse. I need to keep on talking to him to get him on side like. I don't want him thinking of that nice innocent Spencer. I want him to see him as a dirty little whore. It's not hard. Well it is – but I'm not talking about that, but thinking about Spencer does it for me.

'I know you don't want to know, but you have to. You cant go on protecting him the way you do. He doesn't need you. He just wants his boys and his men, you know? He doesn't want your sort of tender loving care.'

'You don't know that.'

He is playing with the sachets of brown sugar. 'I do know that. I do. I know he doesn't want to be like some married woman. He wants the excitement. He wants dad to go out and bring whores home. He wants to watch and touch and feel and be there. He wouldn't get that with you.'

He rips off the top of the sugar and pours it into his hot coffee. 'He wouldn't need to.'

'You know what you sound like? You sound like some bitter middle ages old woman. A dried up of fag looking for something pretty to help keep him alive. You really do need to stop and open your eyes, open your ears, open your mind. Think back. Think of those times when he acted up and was snarky around the team. It wasn't drugs…it wasn't nightmares! It was because he didn't get what he wanted the night before.'

'Sam.' He says looking up at me as I light up a cigarette from a battered tin I carry around. 'You might as well stop it. I know Reid isn't like that.'

I inhale the smoke and lean forwards on the formica topped bench table sitting between us. 'Not like what?'

He gestures at me. 'Like you are describing him. You forget how long I have known him.'

I nod and lean back again and smile. I let smoke drift out of my nose and take another drag. 'You deny he is a fag?'

He tips more sugar into his coffee. 'I didn't say that. In fact I've never really seen him take a lot of notice of either gender.'

'That in its self tells a thousand stories! He takes no notice really of the women as his soul has no interest in them really. Though I am sure he can tell a pretty girl for a dog. He takes no notice of the boys because he doesn't want you to know what a dirty whore he is. Morgan will try to make him straight. The others will treat him differently. You are like family and you will act like family, you would ignore it. Walk away from it. Pretend it isn't happening because you are so fucking anal that you cant see it unless it fits your pattern.'

He sips on his coffee and looks at me.

'You are wrong.' He insists.

I shake my head. 'Deep down Aaron,' and I let my feet brush against his let. 'Way deep down you know I'm right. You know. It's why Gideon left.'

He moves his leg to the side so I cant reach but his eyes peer over at me. 'What do you know of Gideon?'

'You will be surprised what I know. Basically I know more or less what my dad knows. I know Spencer made a move on him. I know he asked him for favours that Jason wasn't willing to give. 'Tis why he left.'

He is shaking his head. 'No. You are wrong Sam. I know why he left.'

'Aaron. He wrote Spencer a letter.'

'I know I read it.'

'Not the one he showed you. The one telling him why he was really going. The one telling him he was a dirty bit of filth. The one telling Spencer he was nothing more than a dirty whore…………………'

A hand reached over and slapped me.

And I made the most of it.

I scream and throw my drink on the table and I make it look like the force of the blow knocks me from the bench chair and onto the floor and I even let the corner of the table take the side of my head with an amount of gusto which splits the skin and makes a fine bloody mess everywhere. I lay on the floor and wrap my arms around my head and I howl.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hit me. Please don't let him hurt me anymore!'

And people are there helping me to my feet and I flinch away from them and Aaron is there. 'Sam!' I can see the look of horror on his face.

'Is he your father?' someone asks me.

'No – I am his whore.' I tell them and they don't know how to react to that.

I stay cowering on the floor and I can see people are talking to Hotchner and I can see the shocked look on his face and the words. 'I didn't mean to hurt him.' Being said and 'When a grown man attacks a child of course they mean to hurt!' And I smile…but I keep it on the inside because this is too funny and I have found the hook. I know how to control him.

'What do you mean?' I am being asked as they hold paper napkins to the side of my head. They look worried for me and cross with Hotchner and I mutter at them that I belong to the man but in return he cares for me.

'This isn't care. This is abuse!' And now I worry a bit that they will call the cops so I tell them that it is alright and I deserved it and sometimes he loses his temper and he is strong and he forgets I'm not one of his adult whores, but he is the best pimp I've ever had.

-o-o-o-

I hardly touched him.

I don't know why I did it.

I would never touch a child. Not like that. Not in a fit of violent rage. That's not me. That's not what I do. I really didn't hit him that hard. I just wanted him to shut up. I wanted him to keep his mouth shut. Somehow his words…they sink in. They stay there. I cant ignore them. The man I loved in my own way – that innocent faced person is gone forever now. I see him standing in dark ally ways waiting for someone to come and pleasure him. I can see the look on his face as boys touch him and I want to scream. I want to be sick. I want to escape and most of all I want Sam to stop it. I know it cant be true. I know this, but the images are so bright and true and raw that my heart is pounding and bile is rising and I need to swallow it back or I will be sick sitting here in some run down diner as Sam sits on the floor bleeding and saying things. Saying things about me.

'Sam.' I say. I need to know he is alright but I don't know what to say to him.

'You are his pimp?' I am asked and the words feel like ice.

'My god! No! I am a family friend. I know his father.'

They don't believe me. I know that. I know that Sam has worked his dirty tongue on them and that they think – they know – what he said is the truth. I pull some notes out of my wallet and place them on the counter.

'Sam, we have to go.' I stand up and the on lookers are frowning at me and looking at Sam. I can hear them mutter "Child abuse." At each other not at me or at Sam but the words are there and I need to get out. This place is far too hot. I need to get out and remove my coat and get some fresh air.

I see Sam's hand reaching up to me and I grab hold of it. I can see how his eyes are huge and scared and I know it is just an act but I cant tell these people that. They will only believe the child now. The child I slapped. Not hard. Not hard at all, but that is irrelevant. The weight I put behind my attack doesn't matter. All that matters is that I hit Flanders child and for that I think my life is forfeit.

-o-o-o-

I find what I want.

It's not hard to find.

It's a nice kill too. There are two of them. The female I grab first and I snap her neck. She is about twenty I expect may be a bit younger. The two of them I followed into the forest for about twenty t minutes. They have – had a dog with them, but that was easy to get rid of. They walked further in than maybe they would have had they not been calling out for the dog. The dog I slaughtered and left for the bugs to feed on. I snatched her from behind. She had on a dress with little blue flowers on it and a pair of sneakers. Her hair was tied back in a pony tail and her neck was white and exposed. I just had to wait for the right moment.

It crunched and snapped and she fell back into my arms and I hand quick feel and let her drop. 'I'll come back for you.' I tell her and walk away quickly following the guy who is a bit older; probably more Spencer's age, mid twenties maybe. He is standing looking confused and walking in a small circle, kicking up the leaves. Blue loose fitting jeans and a white Tshirt. A sweet face with wavy yellow hair and big blue eyes. I watch for less than a minute and then move in.

'Billie!' he is calling and that must be the bitch's name as they had both been calling out for Ben earlier.

I step out and face him. 'Hey.' I say and his puzzled look increases. 'I killed the dog and the bitch.' I tell him and I smile and step in closer and he is stepping back. 'I'm going to kill you slowly.' I let him know. 'Because I like to feel my lunch twitching in my hands.' And he is beginning to turn to escape, but it is far too late for that. I punch him in the side of the head and he stumbles and he is on his knees. A quick kick and he is on his back in the dirt and I am astride him. I batter his face with my bare knuckles until he stops struggling and then I have him. I have his arse…I then press my hand against his throat and look at those big blue eyes looking at me in horror. He knows I am going to kill him. He knows he has no chance. He feels his throat being crushed under my fingers and as he dies and twitches and bucks under me I place my hand on his chest and start to rip through his chest cavity and tear his beating heart from him. Obviously by now…at the point I do that…he is dead. A shame. I would have liked him to have seen me eat him…

I slide away from him and wipe my fingers on the legs of my jeans and turn back to where Billie is laying cooling down waiting for me in the leaves. I prepare a burial site for her. I want to cover her over afterwards. I want to place her body in the ditch on her front.

I want her.

But it doesn't mean I like girls.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5 The sock

The sock

* * *

I almost run from the diner dragging Sam behind me. 'What in the name of god was that all about?' I snap at him as we exit the parking lot and start a hurried walk along the street again, carrying on in the direction we had been going. He's not resisting my pulling him along like this. In fact it is all part of his game.

'Wait up one sec.' He finally says. 'I need to light up.' And he snatches his hand from mine and pulls out his battered old tin and removes a hand rolled something and a disposable lighter.

'You shouldn't smoke.' I tell him. 'And do you mind telling me what the histrionics were all about back there. I barely touched you.' I watch as his eyes look up at mine and he takes a long deep drag from his cigarette thing. 'I know what your game is Sam. You can't win like that.'

He shakes his head and smiles as he blows the smoke in my face. ''Tis no game Aaron. We are in this for real.'

'The constant lies will have to stop. How will I ever believe you when you really have something to tell me if all you ever say is untruths? I will listen to you. I will try to see your reasoning, but I will not listen to your lies.' I cough as he blows more smoke at me. 'And don't do that either.' I say fanning the smoke out of my face with my hand. 'We are looking for Reid and Floyd, you need me and right now I need you, I don't know how to find them and you say you can track.'

He nods 'I can.'

'And how do I know that isn't another lie?'

And now a shrug. 'I guess you don't. You need to use your profiler intuition I s'pose.' He stuffs the tin back in his pocket.

'I do know what you said to me about Reid is lies.'

'Then your intuition if buggered. That's about the only true thing I did say. He is my dad's whore. Has been since he was my age.' I watch him now as I am stunned into silence as he walks past me and further on down the road. I desperately want to run after him and shake him and tell him to stop with this deceit but I can't. I really can't afford to touch him in any manner. I don't want this situation to be called into question. What _is _someone my age doing with a boy his age out on the road? I have the huge advantage of being who I am, but he also has the advantage of being who he is and who is going to believe that I need this boy with me to _hunt _down two men. The more I think though the more confused I am getting. The more the images Sam put in my head are flashing in front of my eyes, the angrier I am getting with Reid.

The smoke in my face causes me to cough again. 'Please, I asked you to stop doing that!' And I frown at Sam who has walked back over to me and shake my head.

'The question you need to ask yourself Aaron, is how big a fool did Spencer make of you? How many times did he play you? How can you ever trust him again?'

I shake my head and scratch at my neck. 'It is you I can not trust and why I am still with you is something I need to seriously ask myself.'

'Oh that's easy to answer. If you walk away from me and I am hurt – and that can happen so easily – well – you will have my father to answer to and I doubt he will be happy if he hears and feels my pain as the truck hits me. We can try it out if you want, at least it will bring him to us, but you know he will kill you slowly and take you in ways you didn't think possible and then he will eat parts of you and feed other bits to Spencer. He does that, he feeds bits to Spencer. He's been chowing down on human meat for well over decade now.' He takes a step towards the edge of the road. 'It's a quiet street Aaron. Think about it. You have time to weigh up your options here. Let me die a messy splodge in the road and then have bits of yourself fed to Spencer, or you can keep with me and we will find them by hunting. At least that way you have a chance.'

I'm not listening to him any more. I tire of his constant words battering at my mind. I don't want the image of Reid eating what he is saying. I don't want this sick feeling in my stomach. I will track him another way. I will go back and get the team on it. The team? Where the hell are the team anyway? Where is my gun? My ID? where is my identity? I pull my wallet out of my pocket and look through it. No pictures of my family, nothing to say who I am.

Somewhere I hear a car horn….

………….. and somewhere I hear a 'HA!' and I turn in time to see Sam step out into the street in front of an oncoming vehicle. I move fast. I run. It is Sam and for some godforsaken reason I have a responsibility for him. I bulldoze him out of the road and out of the line of the car which is screeching to a halt in the dusty road. Sam is lucky and I suppose I am too. It catches my shoulder hard and I howl out in shocked pain as I am throw into the dirt beside Sam who is lying there _crying(?)_ Why is he crying.

-o-o-o-

I have nothing I can dry my hair off on so I get dressed again but leave off my shirt. I stuff my tie into my pocket and my fingers slide over the lighter Floyd has put in my pocket. This causes two reactions. One of them is a nice calm feeling of "he cares" and the other is "he isn't going to be back before dark" and that makes the calmness I was feeling slip away. I remember that he said to go back to the ranger's hut and I close my eyes and bite on my bottom lip while I think which direction we had come from. I don't know why I am so unsure of myself. I know how to find my way back. I can easily do that and if Floyd was here I would just walk back to the place and think nothing of it, but he is my security and he's gone and I don't know when he will be back and that sends a small wave of panic through me.

'Don't be silly.' I say to myself. I am after all a grown man, I'm not the child who was scared of the dark.

The dark….

I have to be back before it gets dark….

…and a twisting in my stomach sends me back through the trees and back to the hut. The light is dimming now and the hugeness of the forest and the smallness of me is making my heart pound. I want to hurry up and get in the hut.

Once in I slam the door but I don't want to lock it. What if Floyd comes back and can't get in? He might leave again. Leave me here. And at this time – right now – that is rational.

Its getting dark in here and the temperature is dropping as the light fades outside. I pull the lighter from my pocket and realise that I must have dropped my tie at some point on my rush to get back here. Quickly I move around the hut lighting everything I can find, but the candles were small and partially burnt to start with…they are even worse now after yesterday and I look at them and wonder if they will actually last me through the night.

I am cold. I wrap my arms around me and now remember that I have left my shirt behind.

'I'm not going back for it. I'm staying here now.' I walk in a small circle in the middle of the hut trying to think what to do. I go and check the shuttered windows and they seem secure. It is the door I am worried about. I need to secure it from what I don't want to come in, but not from Floyd.

Sitting now on the edge of the bed I remove my left boot and slide my sock off and then I replace the boot. Then quickly and this has to be fast, I exit the hut and stand just there on the threshold. I bend down and feel across the forest floor for stones and I put them in my sock. I will use it to defend myself.

The door is closed again and I am squished up on the cot. My back is into the corner and my knees are pulled up close and my arms are wrapped around my legs. I have one of the old blankets across my back and partially over my head to keep off the cold and in my right hand I have my protection.

It feels as though it has been a long day, but I can't remember it starting. I have no memory of where I was last night. I try to think back. I try to back track on my day, but I keep getting stuck in the same place. It is almost as though a huge part of my memory has been removed. Today – this week – this month maybe started with me walking in a forest with Floyd. What came before that is just one big muddle of thoughts. I let my eyes leave the door for a while and I look around at the guttering candles. The lamp is burning just a dull red glow now and some of the candles have gone out.

'I panicked. I am stupid and I panicked. I should have lit one or two. I should have waited until it was darker. Now it is really dark and I am going to have to wait.' I want to move. I want to move and go over and blow a candle out so I at least have something when they are all gone. The lighter! I have Floyd's lighter. I pull it from my pocket and flick it alight and for a short while sit looking at it. Really it isn't going to light up the room, but it will stave off my immediate fears by forcing me to concentrate on it. I snap it shut and hold it in my left hand and then close my eyes and rest my head on my knees. 'Hurry up Floyd. Hurry up back.' I mutter to myself.

There is something outside.

Was I sleeping?

I can hear it walking around.

Is Floyd back?

Maybe it is an animal. I can feel my heart is pounding too hard and I am breathing sharp short panicky breaths. The final candle has gone out. There is no light from anywhere and I want to light the lighter but my fingers are sweaty and slippery and I can't hold it. I feel it slipping from my fingers and it falls to the canvas I am sitting on.

I need to pick it up. I need to grab hold of it. It is my protection. It is part of Floyd and I know – right now that is why he gave it to me. It is a talisman which will keep me safe from what is out there. I will be safe if I can find it and pick it up again. I move my hand in the darkness but it seems to be gone. My eyes are fixed now in the darkness in the direction of the door.

Get under the cot. Get under it.

Or

Lay down. Wrap the blankets around myself and pretend to sleep. That used to work. That was the trick. He would leave me alone if I pretended to be asleep.

But

I can't move.

I can't leave this position. I can't move. I can't breathe. I can't see. I can hear. I can hear it coming closer.

'Please be Floyd.' I try to say, but I can't talk. I sit and look at the place I know the door is and wait.

If it isn't Floyd. If it isn't…then – then I have a weapon. I can fight it. I won't permit it to harm me. Not after all this time. Not after all these years – not now, I won't let it happen to me again. Not like this. Not from a stranger in the dark.

There are tears trickling down my face now and I move my hand from where it is still trying to find the lighter to my eyes and I rub vigorously at them.

It happens.

The door swings open and there is a yellowish light swinging around and he is – it is – coming for me.

I can't see properly, but sometime instincts they kick in and my need to survive this is over powering. Whatever demon this is I will destroy it. I know it's not Floyd. I can tell that much.

'Hey!' Someone is shouting.

I swing at the voice with my improvised weapon and I see a flash – a glint of something in the light of the flashlight as it is dropped to the floor and whoever it is grunts and as I swing at him again I feel something cold on my bare chest. I feel it scrape across my ribs and I feel heat pouring from me. I don't know, claws, a knife maybe, I don't know but I hit out again with my home made weapon as I scream and howl at it and it falls to my feet.

What happened?

I don't know what happened. I vaguely remember kicking.

I think I remember bending down and picking up the knife and using it, but maybe I didn't. It has all become a big blur. I am bleeding heavily from the cut and my hands are sticky with blood. I pick up my weapon and I crawl back to the cot and pull a blanket over me. The flashlight is getting slowly dimmer as it lies on the floor pointing at the wall. I still can't see the thing which attacked me but it is silent. My knuckles are bleeding and split so I put them to my mouth and suck on them to sooth them. My weapon is soaked and I lay it down at my side and curl up as tightly as I can. I use a spare blanket and press it hard against my chest and hold it in place with my legs.

I need Floyd. I need him to come back. I can hear something inside my head laughing. I'm sure it's not me. I don't know who it is. I don't know the voice but it thinks this is all really funny. It is calling me dirty names and calling me a slut and filth and a pervert dog and I want to tell it to be quiet but if I do that, if I admit to everyone that I can hear it, then what? Then what will happen to me? So I keep it to myself for now and shout back in my head for it to stop…

Please stop.

Just leave me alone.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6 Blood

Blood

* * *

I was longer than planned. I fell into a deep and lust filled dream. No, I didn't sleep, but, yes it was good and I've not done that in a while. I should do it more often. I have a spring in my step. I make my way back into the forest proper by following the river. I pick berries and things off the forest floor to nibble on as I go and remember to take some for Spencer.

For a minute I just stand and look and take in the scene. This is where I left him. He is long gone now, hopefully back to the ranger's hut but his shirt is here lying on the floor and blown against some tall river hugging plants. I walk over and pick it up by the collar and look at it. There is a slight dampness to it from the night air. Inspection of the buttons lets me know that it has been removed and not ripped from him. I fold the shirt carefully and then hold it to my face and press it against me. I breathe in the lovely scent of Spencer and the thought of him being somewhere without his shirt gives me a pleasant twist in the stomach. Really I do need to get to him quickly.

The trail back to the hut is easy to follow and made easier by the discovery of Spencer's tie. I bend down and pick it up and run it between my fingers. 'Why have you left these?' I mutter to myself. Something alarmed him maybe? So I move on a bit faster.

Something is wrong.

I know something is wrong long before I get to the clearing with the hut. I can smell blood. The hackles on the back of my neck alert me and I run a hand across the back of my neck and take in deep breaths through my nose.

More than one person has been injured but I think maybe one more than the other. It's hard to tell, but I do think one of them is Spence. I take two speedy steps forwards ready to break into a run and then I stop myself. He is just my whore. I can get another one. He is not worth running for. Don't show alarm. Calm. Spencer is nothing, but the twisting in my stomach is trying to tell me otherwise. I walk; I do manage to walk with added caution to the edge of the clearing. I poke the tie into my pocket but I am still holding onto the shirt in my hands. I can see again something is wrong. The hut door is open and lying on the ground just outside, looking like it had been leaned against the wall and slid over, is a large rucksack.

'Shit.' I mutter to myself. I really hadn't been expecting this and now I permit myself to walk quicker but yet still with caution. The fact that the overriding smell isn't Spencer's blood is a small comfort, but I can smell him too. I can smell his blood and his sweat and his fear.

That's OK. I can comfort him.

I walk quietly. I walk so that my feet hardly touch the floor and now I am standing in the doorway looking at a body on the floor. I suck in on my lips and scratch the back of my neck and look around for Spencer. He is huddled up on the cot with a blanket over him. I can hear he is muttering something under his breath, maybe in his sleep. Moving into the hut now I bend down and check the pulse on this guy. He is very cold and definitely dead and again there is a surge inside me making demands, but I don't have time now. I take a few steps back so I am outside again and pull in the big green rucksack. I drop it to the floor and push the door closed.

'Spence.' I say it quietly. I can still smell his fear and as I walk closer I can smell the think delicious smell of his blood. That wonderful sweetness which, coats my senses and is causing my heart to pound and my breathing to become deeper as it tries to suck in the flavour of his blood in the air. 'Babes?' He is rocking slowly back and forth under the cover of the blanket. 'Hey Spencer!' and I reach out and snatch it from him. I pull it back away and he makes a strange whimpering sound. 'What in the name of the gods happened?' I can see he is sitting in a puddle of blood. There is a blanket pulled up close to his chest but it is sodden and dripping. My lighter is on the floor next to the cot so I pick it up and put it in my front pocket and try to remove the other blanket from him. 'Let me see.' I'm not sure what I am feeling now. I am pissed that someone hurt Spencer. I am equally pissed that Spencer killed someone. I want to help him, yet I want him to get out of the way. Get out of my food. I want to – no I need to – There really isn't much I can do about it. It's maybe genetics. I nod inwardly at that decision. I was cursed from birth. This thing I am going to do is, it is, not my damned fault, which is irrelevant anyway. I crawl up onto the cot so I am kneeling in front of Spencer and I take hold of his ankles and I pull them quickly away from him and towards me.

'No!' he shouts at me. He is trying to defy me? I must have misheard him. I move forwards now so that I am kneeling between his legs and I place my hands on his shoulders and push him back so he is lying down. Then I slowly crawl up him. I lick as I go. I suck and lick at the sticky mess on his chest. 'Please stop.' He mumbles but there is a sweet smell and a sweet taste and a sweet sound and it feels so divine that I'm not going to be able to stop if I wanted to. Which I don't. I keep one hand pressing down on his shoulder, I place one next to him in the blood pooling on the cot and my mouth I use to lick and suck and bite at him. His hands are on my shoulders and they are not pushing me away, the fingers are digging in as I lap up the blood off his abdomen and slide my fingers across the blood.

I bring my hand up and look at it. I stare at it dripping with cold blood. I give one finger a long languid lick and then move it to Spencer's mouth. 'Hey babes.' I say as I run my bloodied fingers over his lips and then move my head back down to clean him up. Gradually I get closer to the wound and I can feel those fingers digging in harder and the breathing getting deeper and my tongue moves over the cut in his chest as my fingers push their way between his lips and into my mouth.

There is something strangely wonderfully sexual about the whole process. I'm not sure if it is just me. I wasn't sure if it was just me anyway, until Spencer started to suck on my fingers and lap at them with his tongue as I ran mine over the split in his skin. I sucked gently and he responded with a bite and by bringing up his knees and moving his legs so he has them wrapped tightly around me.

So I lick and suck at him gradually cleaning him and he sucks and bites on my fingers licking off his own blood with a hunger I thought only I felt. I can feel his legs clamped to me and his body moving and grinding against mine and those little whimpering noises he makes when he wants me, but I'm giving him nothing. Not now…now is this blood lust thing. Now is my hunger.

And he holds tight and I slide my fingers from his mouth and reapply the blood and now I lay on him…my head resting so I can see the cut across his chest and I lick at the blood on my fingers and feel Spencer rocking against me and arching his back and begging for me to take him.

'You killed someone.' I finally say to him. 'Did he do this to you?'

'I didn't kill anyone.' He says, sounding slightly confused.

'The body walked in here all on its very own and laid down there just for show?' And his legs unfold themselves from around me and I can feel his hands touching my hair.

'I had a nightmare.' Now he is finger combing my hair for me. 'It was a bad dream. I don't like the dark, you know that, you gave me the lighter to light the candles, but they went out. Burned down. I had a bad dream because of the dark.'

I turn my head so I am facing the other way and looking at the dead guy. 'So where did he come from then Babes?'

-o-o-o-

My mind is all over the place. I don't understand what Floyd is saying and I don't understand where all the blood came from. I don't know why I am in such pain in my chest and in my hands. 'Floyd?' I look over at what he is looking at and there is a body on the floor. It is prone and bloodied. It looks like the thing from my nightmare but that can't be right. I am awake now. I am awake and I am sitting in a puddle of blood having my wound licked at by the man I love and I am looking at a dead body.

'I didn't do that.' I say. I have to say it. If I say it then it might just go away. I close my eyes but as soon as I do that the voices in my head start again.

_Whore, slut, murderer, filth._

'Who did it then Spence? You are the only person here and look at this.' He shows me my sock, my bloodied sock, full of stones. He shows me my split knuckles and broken fingernails. 'You beat him with your bare hands Spence. I am impressed.' He gets off me now and he moves away and over to the body. 'You've stabbed him too.' He pushes the body over so it is on its back. 'You did a good job on him, but my question is why?'

'It was a nightmare.' I whisper to myself, but obviously it wasn't.

'Ranger Austin.' I am told. 'You beat a forest ranger to death with a sock and your knuckles. I didn't know you had it in you. I'm just puzzled over why you did it. He would have fed you and given you light.'

I shake my head. It all seems so unreal. I can't and won't accept this as real. I start to move off the cot but the wound in my chest is bleeding again. I feel light headed and the room is spinning. Leaning forwards I put my hands out to stop me from falling from the bed and onto the floor but probably the loss of so much blood has made me too weak to stop and I fall face first from where I have been sitting into the cold dirt of the hut floor.

-o-o-o-

'Oh my god!' The voice is coming from a female and I can hear the panic in her voice. My shoulder is in agony and it feels as though I have cuts to my face and hands. I can hear Sam next to me, partially under me crying. Slowly I move. Very slowly and I look over at the voice. I tall skinny girl who looks about twelve but must be older if she was the one driving the car.

'Oh my god!' she reiterates.

I put a hand up to her and try to smile. 'I'm fine.' I lie. I don't want to worry the poor child and it was my fault. It was Sam's fault.

'He just stepped out. I couldn't stop in time. Oh you saved his life. Is he OK? I'll call an ambulance.' She is talking very fast and I can see a big fat tear start to work its way down her slightly flushed face. I move off of Sam and run my hand down his back. I know the game he is playing with me and I should walk away from it, but I also know that he is not bluffing.

'Sam.' I say to him. I can feel his body is shaking. I'm confused. I just tried to kill him self but now it acting as though it was an accident. 'Sam turn over so I can see you.' And then I look up at the girl. 'An ambulance won't be necessary.' I've been hit by a car and I think I have a broken collar bone and I have no idea as to Sam's condition, but I don't want this formalised. I don't want this 'friendship' documented. The words he said back in the diner are still too fresh in my mind to want that.

'Please tell me what I can do.' She says and I try to smile and sit up in the dirt and pretend I'm not injured. I don't want this child to have nightmares over this, so I smile up at her.

'Do you have some tissues and water?' I can hear Sam next to me groaning as he turns over.

'I'll get something.' And her long blue jeaned legs race back to her car which is pulled up on the grass verge now. I can hear the sniffling cry of Sam still and so I turn and look at him.

'It fucking hurts!' He snaps at me. 'Before you say something. You fucking hurt me you bastard.'

The boy is unbelievable. 'I got hit by a car to get you clear, so you can drop the act Sam. I know you're not hurt.' But I can see a nasty graze over the side of his face. I want to reach out and touch it, but again I now have that worry that my touching him will bring on another of his performances.

'I'll do it again you know. If you don't look after me properly. I'll not be giving you a warning next time either. I'll just go and do it.' He rubbed at his face making it bleed even more as I heard the scrunching of feet from the girl.

'Here.' She hands over some bottled water and a back of baby wipes. 'Oh, I keep those in the car for emergencies. I wasn't expecting it to be this though.'

I thank her and take them from her. 'Really we will be fine. I don't want you do worry.'

Sam spoke now. 'You might be fine Aaron, but look at my damned face. That stupid tart could have fucking killed me and I'm not going to be able to work for weeks now. I hope I don't get a bleeding infection.'

I push with one hand to get to my feet and turn to look at the girl. 'He is in shock. Don't worry. Please don't worry.' But she is looking from me to Sam and back again.

'Work?'

And I can see the cogs rolling over in her mind as she tries to work it out.

'You are an actor or something?' She finally asks and I had every intention of ignoring it and gently guiding her back to her car.

'No, I'm not a sodding actor. I'm a whore and no one will want me now. I bet you don't even, do you Aaron? Oh god – Aaron please don't abandon me again.'

And he is off again with his stories and lies. I watch as he gets to his feet and yes he does look a mess. His face is bleeding as is his left arm. The leg of his dungarees is also ripped and bloodied. 'Sam.' I take hold of his right hand and squeeze it slightly. Just enough I hope to pull him out of this fantasy he has slipped back into…but it's not enough. He snatches it away from me and walks over to the girl.

'Please take me with you!' He is begging her and I can see the fear in her face. The situation for her has gone from very bad to completely surreal. 'Don't leave me with him. He will beat me. With that stick over there. He will beat me with it!'

I glance down at the bit of wood he had been using against me and turn to get it. If I can at least remove that from Sam then the balance will be better.

I see it out of the corner of my eye.

And I think I am wrong.

But by the time I have turned it is over. Sam is stepping back and the youngster is lying with her neck twisted in the road.

'What the hell have you done!?' I shout at him, dropping the wood and running painfully over to where she was flopped in the road near her car. 'Sam – why?'

I run my fingers through my hair and look down at her.

'Because I could and because we need a car and because she would have reported us and because your DNA is here on the car and you will be the one they are looking for, especially when they start asking questions down the road, cos this won't be a federal case Agent Hotchner, this will be the local rednecks after your fine little pink arse. Help me stick her in the boot – the trunk – whatever.'

I can't and I won't be part of this. I won't be manipulated by a child. I move towards her and roll her over onto her back. There is her pocket is her cell phone. I can see the shape of it through the denim. I need to get a call out. I need to get the police here and I need to do it without Sam knowing. I'm not afraid of him. I am wary of him. He is Flanders' child and I don't know what he is capable of. I have to be vigilant. We really don't want to be caught. I look up at Sam who is standing watching me. Purposefully I look back at the stave he has been using to attack me with and then back at the girl. 'I'm so sorry.' I say to her and stroke some hair off her face.

'For fuck's sake just get rid of her.' Sam spits at me and he turns to get the wood. Now I slip my hand into her pocket and pull out the cell phone and transfer it to my jacket pocket. My shoulder is damaged. I can feel bones grind against each other as I grasp one of the girls hands and pull her off the road. I then grab the keys from the ignition and pop the trunk. It is a struggle and I manhandle the poor girl in way's I rather not but I need to keep Sam calm for now. I need him to give me enough room to make a call. I lay her down gently in the trunk and drag a blanket over her.

-o-o-o-

He thinks I am stupid?

He really must do.

Really stupid if he thinks he can pull one like that on me.

He is forgetting who he is.

He needs to be reminded.

As Aaron concentrates on covering over the little whore in the trunk I bring the wooden thing down on the back of his head. He tries to turn so I swing again on the side of his head this time.

One, and I drop the wood.

Two, and I grab Aaron.

Three, and a tiny bit of leverage from me and he joins the girl in the boot of the car – sorry the _trunk _of the car. I stick my hands into his pocket and take the cell phone away.

'Who did you intend calling?' But he's not going to answer me yet. I move him so he is on his side. I don't want him to vomit or choke on blood or something and die on me. Not yet anyway. Not until my job is done.

I close him in and turn the key in the lock.

Driving this wont be a problem and the forest starts only a few hours away now. We are getting closer.

Later…later after he has said he is sorry and I've had my dinner…maybe in the morning – then I will fix his bones for him.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7 The Cleaner

The Cleaner

**A/N: YUMMY**

* * *

My job is to clean up.

I have been given a list of names and this one is the third down. The others I have dealt with already.

This one I will get a lot of pleasure out of because I know by doing this I will cause someone else a lot of pain and in doing so that person will pass the pain onwards to the next person who will try to take it all. Brave fool that he is. I slipped a tiny slither of my mind into his and I can feel the madness in his mind. Maybe he's not a fool, but he is certainly insane. Anyway…back to here and now. I sit at under a tree at the side of the road. I listen and I smile and wait and here he comes. I can smell him. I can almost taste him, but his mind is elsewhere and he is not expecting me. Which is good. I don't want to spoil the surprise.

He is young and not very experienced which will make the job easier. I have lured him here. He thinks he is hunting down the others but he's not. Again the youth is easy to trick. I wonder that it hasn't yet sunk into his tiny depraved mine that he has no control over anything. That he is finished. A mistake.

I need to take him back with me. Well parts of him. They will try again but he really is a worse fuck up than who he is spawned from. I know – you wouldn't think it possible.

Now he is close and so I stand and brush the leaves from my clothing and step back into the shadows. I pull my blades and call him to me. Come on little boy, come to Taki.

The vehicle pulls up and still I stand and wait. I watch as the boy gets out of the car and he is looking around. He is confused, I see he is looking almost directly at me. A smaller version of his father. A weaker version of his father and I wonder about something briefly and then my mind is pulled back to now. I mustn't be distracted by other thoughts. This is my job.

I am a cleaner.

I get rid of the trash.

And I can smell the decay from here.

He walks to the back of the car but he is still looking in my general direction. He knows something is wrong but he doesn't know what it is.

Leave the car. Leave it and come here. I smile at him as he does what I want, I watch his fingers brushing over the metal of the car and now he is walking towards me. There is blood on him. His blood. He has a nasty mess on the side of his face. His leg has been bleeding, but here he is, not far now and so I step out to great him.

'Hello Sam.' I say and I'm delighted to see his dark eyes widen in fear.

'What do you want?'

He talks to me but his voice is nervous. He knows what I want.

'Your head.' I tell him and he turns to run. I really don't know where he thinks he is going to go. I swipe at the side of his neck when his back is to me and take the head in one skilled well practiced swing. The two parts fall to the floor and surprisingly there isn't too much blood. Kicking him over onto his back I now use my blade to cut through his clothing and skin and muscle and bone and I bend down and remove the heart. 'Sorry kid. But your time was up.' The head I take and attach to my belt. The heart goes into a small belt pouch. I flick the blades to remove the demon spawn's blood and re-sheath them.

My hands I wipe on the side of my long dark blue hakama and I pull the list from my pocket and see who is next.

-o-o-o-

I'm telling him.

'We need to leave.' I rub my hand across my eyes and look at the mess on the floor again. 'Spence, get up. We have to go. They will come looking for him eventually. You know? He will be missed.'

And he is lying on the floor where he fell and is groaning slightly and I can tell something has gone wrong. Gone wrong in his mind. Something has snapped or there is something there on his brain confusing him. 'Babes we need to get out of here.' And I am bending down to drag him to his feet when it happens.

It feels like, well nothing you would know about. It feels like a bucket of emotions and hate and envy and lust has been tipped over my head. A sudden huge surge of every thought and deed that Sam has ever done. All his inner thoughts and loves and hates and his jealousy is suddenly given to me.

I know immediately what has happened but it doesn't help this sudden feeling I have and I am lying on the floor with Spencer; slightly across him when the pain starts. Slightly at first, across my brow, but it increases and I feel the little blood vessels in my brain popping and I feel whatever this thing is pushing forward and trying to take over.

Finally it explodes from my body…it tears its way out via my nose and my ears. From behind my fingernails and out of my mouth. I feel every orifice in my body push this thing out of me and the pain ………….the pain as clots of blood force their way out of me………..this pain, it takes me somewhere else for a while.

-o-o-o-

I can hear Floyd talking to me. He is saying we have to leave, but I'm confused. I don't really know what is going on. I don't even know if I am awake. It all feels like it is still a nightmare, but Floyd is here so maybe it's not.

Then something happens.

I hear him make a funny gagging noise. I feel him fall and lay partly over me and I hear him scream and then his body stiffens and twists and a convulsion starts. I know now that this is a nightmare. The only reason Floyd would be here would be to help and he cant. Something has gone very wrong. This isn't how it is meant to be. I turn on my side and push him away from me and I can see that he is covered in blood. I don't know at first where it is coming from and then I realise it is from him. Now he is on his back in the dirt and he has his head tipped right back and his mouth is open in a long silent howl. The blood I can see is foaming and pink between his lips and so I move him quickly and pull him towards me so he is on his side. There is thick dark blood coming out of his nose and from his ears and now I see it red and fresh bubbling around in the corners of his eyes.

'Floyd.' I say quietly and move my hands over him. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop this. I have no idea what has happened.

Why I decided to do what I did I don't know. It just seemed the right thing to do. I pull a blanket off the cot and lay it on the floor next to Floyd and then roll him over onto it. He said that we had to leave and so we will. I slip the straps from the rangers rucksack over my bare shoulders and snatch up my shirt which for now I tie around my waist. I then grab the corners of the blanket and start to drag it from the hut. We have to get away. We have to escape. I'm still not sure how this happened to the ranger. I can sort of remember bits of a nightmare but that is all it was. How he came to be here I don't know.

_It's pretty obvious Spencer. You did it._

And the voice I push away from me. I don't want it there distracting me. Not now. Later I will listen to it. Not now…

My decision is to return to the river. I'm not sure what I am going to do when I get there but for now that is where I am going to go. I can hear him groaning and making odd noises as I drag him along and so I talk to him in hushed comforting tones. 'It's going to be alright Floyd. I'll fix it. I'll take care of it. Just stay with me. I'm here.' And I keep this up though in reality I have no idea what I am going to do when I reach the river, let alone what am going to do with Floyd.

Nightmares become real. I don't know at which point I accepted this but for now as I stand by the river with this indestructible man I love groaning in pain and spouting blood from everywhere I realise that he nightmare is real.

'I don't know what to do. Help me. I don't know what to do.' I say it to the river. I wonder if my words will get taken downstream and end up in the ears of an old man sitting with his pipe and whittling on a bit of wood.

_Wash him._

Yes I need to wash him. So I turn back and pull the blanket away from him and look down at him twisting and squirming and how his hands are pressed hard against his eyes. I need to get all these layers of clothing off and so I start unbuttoning his shirt. The long coat and the demin jacket thing are already open. I am quick and when I pull the shirt apart I can see the how he is sweating and how the sweat seems to be reddish pink and bubbling through his skin. I am going to have to be quick. I move down and pull off his boots and throw them to one side. His feet are bare inside those old boots and blood soaked. His jeans I also undo quickly and pull from him. They are wet too. His whole body seems to be leaking blood.

I manage to pull him around until I have all his clothes off and now I don't know what to do. I don't think I have the strength to hold him all the time he is squirming like he is. I need him to calm down a bit first. I can do without drowning him accidentally in the river. I know he gets headaches and I know he has a powder he snorts when they get bad…or does the powder give him the bad head? I'm not sure now but never the less I rummage through his pockets until I find a twist of cellophane with his grey powder inside.

'Floyd. You need this.' I tell him and I pull his face to mine and try to hold it still. 'Can you hear me?' But I don't get a response to let me know if he did or not and so I tip some onto my finger tips and put them to his nose. 'Inhale.' I tell him and his hand moves quickly and grips hold of my skinny wrist and he does. He snorts in the mixture and then he talks.

'Smokes.'

Is all he manages, but it's enough. One shaky muttered word and I am so relieved. I search again through his pockets and find what I need. The smoke I place between his lips and then I light it. I watch again as his hand reaches out; one to the smoke and one just in front of him. 'Spence?' again the word is barely audible but I would always know my name being said by him. I reach my fingers forward and take his hand in mine and I squeeze it tightly.

'Just tell me what I need to do. I'll get you in the river.'

But he just squishes his eyes shut and I watch blood ooze between his eyelids and his back arches and leaves the floor and he drags down more smoke into his lungs.

'More.'

So I grab at the twist and do what I have seen him do hundreds of times before and I make a mound of poweder on the back of my thumb nail and offer it to him.

'Inhale.' I tell him and he moves a hand to my wrist and holds it firmly and takes in the powder.

He starts shuddering and shaking horribly on the blanket but the bleeding seems to have stopped. He smokes without letting the cheroot thing leave his lips and then he spits out the butt along with some blood. I have another ready for him and he opens his eyes and looks up at me.

'Wash me.'

He tells me. So I pull the sticky nasty mess that he is off the blanket and with his arm over my shoulder I take him slowly to the water's edge. I sit him down and now I quickly strip down to my boxers again and throw my clothes to one side. Then I stand in the water and face him wrap my arms securely around him and guide him into the icy water.

Floyds arms are over my shoulders and around my neck now and his head is resting on my shoulder. I can feel him shivering from the cold water and I can hear his heavy breaths in my ear. Very slowly and carefully I lower us both down until we are kneeling on the river bed. I can feel little stones digging into my knees and the tops of my feet but it doesn't matter. I don't mind the small amount of discomfort now because slowly I can feel Floyd relax against me. The breathing is steadier and the vice like grip he had on me lessens slightly and then his hands are on my shoulders and gently he is pushing me back away from him.

'I need to clean my face.'

He is still talking softly. It doesn't sound like him. The self assured air seems to have gone and it scares me. Something has shocked him but I don't want to ask yet. I move back slightly to give him room to dip his face into the water and wash the mess away. When he comes up for air he is looking more like the Floyd I know.

'What happened?' I ask him, but he shakes his head and smirks.

'I'll tell you later.' And his hands are now one on either side of my face and his mouth is on mine and his lips are tasting mine. I move in close again and put my arms tightly around him and pull him close.

'You scared me.' I whisper across his mouth and he licks me back as an answer and sucks on my bottom lip as his hands move from my face and his fingers go across my chest and over my hard cold nipples and then around touching my ribs – now occasionally pinching me and biting down harder on my bottom lip and then sucking it and playing his tongue over my teeth and then finally letting my tongue join in. I feel him now run hands over my back and a finger draws around the knobbles of my spine.

When the kisses are deep and it feels as though my lips will be bruised and never recover, when I forget where we are kneeling in a river and I forget the blood I had been so afraid of, then I feel his hands on my hips and he is manoeuvring me slowly and pulling at my boxers.

'I want you.' His words are sucked in by my mouth just before he pulls away and his kisses are over my neck and across my jaw and still moving me and slowly moving him self the kisses turn to nibbles and soft bites on my shoulders and his arms have moved up so they are wrapped tightly around me securing me in place and holding me to him. As I push back for him he moves forwards. He takes me with no preparation. He rips into me and I tip my head back and howl in glorious pain.

It doesn't take long. He is over quickly and I think more blood has joined that which Floyd had washed off himself. He stays though holding me. I am shaking with the pleasure he just gave me and he is biting down on the back of my neck groaning softly. 'We have to go.' And he releases me. 'We have to get away from this place and we have to get away quickly.' Now he pulls back and still holding me in his arms he stands pulling me to my feet with him.

'Thank you.' And he kisses the back of my neck and then walks away to the river bank leaving me pulling my underwear back up and wondering how so much pain can be also be so much wondrous pleasure.

-o-o-o-

I wake up in darkness. My head hurts and I am lying in a cramped position. I try to think what happened and I suddenly remember the girl I was lying in the trunk of the car and then I remember Sam hitting me. I feel slowly and with trepidation around and realise I am lying on the body of the poor girl. The car has stopped but I don't know how long for. I can't hear that click click click sound of a cooling engine. I cant smell the fumes from the fuel.

'Sam!' I shout out and try to push open the lid of the trunk, but it wont move. 'Hey! Anyone!' and I am now kicking at the metal and shouting for help as a small panic that Sam might have abandoned the car somewhere and gone on alone. 'Hey!'

And I kick until the muscles in my legs ache and start to shake and I shout until I am hoarse and I can hear nothing. Just a horrible silence and now I can smell the death I am lying with.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8 Food

Food

* * *

For both of us the clothes we put back on were blood soaked. My shirt at least was clean and now the wound in my chest had been slightly healed by Floyd's ministrations with his mouth and tongue and so physical pain was now only minor. Even after what he had just done to me in the river I am feeling quite pain free. I still don't fully understand all that has happened though. Someone cannot bleed the way Floyd did. It just doesn't happen but he said he didn't want to talk about it and so for now I am letting that drop. I will mention it again though. He is taking longer to get dressed again than I am, but he has more layers to put on and he looks slightly doped which he probably is after all the stuff he took in. My pants feel disgusting. The wetness from the boxers has made the blood all over my pants tacky and somewhat pungent. I wipe at them with my fingers and them look over at Floyd who is standing looking at me in his slightly stiffening clothing.

'You don't look happy.' And he smiles at me.

I glance at the ranger's back pack. 'Do you think that there is a change of clothing in there?' I ask him. But this rucksack or backpack thing is making my ears ring and my nose tingle. I don't like it and right in the back of my mind I can hear something screaming at me. 'Floyd, I need to go back to the ranger's hut.' I walk to the pack and unzip the top. There is indeed a change of clothing but I don't think that they will fit me too well. When I hold them up against me I can tell that the ranger they belonged to was much shorter and me and somewhat broader.

'We cant go back there and are you thinking of wearing those? If so hurry up and get changed. We have to leave here now.'

I peel my trousers again and throw them to the side and pull on the clean pair. I can see Floyd is watching everything I am doing and I wonder if I've done something wrong.

'I'm sorry.' I mutter as I slide my own belt through the loops of these slightly ridiculous pair of dark green pants and pull them tighter.

He shakes his head slowly but is still watching me. 'Sorry for what?'

'I don't know. You just seem pissed at me so I'm assuming I did something wrong.' I walk over to him now and as I get closer I can smell the filth and blood coming from him. He must see the expression on my face change slightly because he reaches out to me and takes my left hand in his right one.

'You didn't do anything Spence. Nothing wrong. This shit that happened to me, this wasn't your fault. We can't go back to the hut babes, you killed the ranger and as I said he will be missed. We need to distance ourselves from this place quickly and yes I know I stink but I've not the time to get to the laundrette right now and I don't fancy we have the time to sit on a rock and wash them in the river.' His hand tightens on mine. 'Get the rucksack and let's get moving.'

I pull my hand out of his and some of what he says makes sense but I know I didn't kill anyone. I wouldn't. I couldn't do that, but then logic is telling me that is why I have these injuries and why I am wearing someone else's clothing. It doesn't make sense. It just doesn't fit together…half of my mind is insisting it was a nightmare, but half of it is laughing and pointing out the split knuckles and the single sock and the blood. So much blood from both of us I don't know how either of us are still standing.

'But you, what happened to you?'

He scratches at his eye brow and does a strange half smile at me. 'You will understand in time. I sort of, in a fashion, passed on some information as such. It will take a while. Maybe tomorrow.' And he turns his back on me and starts to walk away before I can question what he just said to me.

'Floyd!' I call out as I slip the rucksack over my shoulders. 'Wait.' I want to ask him more but he isn't going to tell me yet. I don't know what he means by passing on information. I cant remember him telling me anything and I would remember wouldn't I? I don't know anymore. He doesn't wait for me though, but his long steady stride today is less steady and slower. I think he must be in pain. I walk next to him for as long as I can and then fall back behind him. He doesn't look at me nor does he talk to me for the next few hours at least.

-o-o-o-

I can't breathe this fetid air.

I can't lay with a corpse and feel her stiffen under me.

I can't stay here.

Where the hell is Sam.

Why has he left me here?

I know what he said was mostly lies. I also know some of it was true. Slowly the lies are washing away as I lay here in the dark sweaty space full of death. I know Reid wasn't all we thought he was. I know there are parts of him he never let anyone else see and I need to talk to him about it all. I don't want to kill him in a rage. This is what Sam was trying to work me up to do and so why has he abandoned me.

'HEY!' I shout again and I pummel at the metal lid which seems to be getting closer to me minute by minute as I breathe in the death. I don't even know her name. I tried talking to her; apologising to her, but how can I talk to someone when I don't even know her name? I tried feeling around in the trunk for something, maybe a jack, anything to use to try to get this open, but there is nothing. A very tidy young lady it would seem and we are both lying on the space under the cover which houses the spare wheel and probably a jack. I tried moving to the side to make room to get at it, but there just isn't enough room to move us both.

'HEY!'

I try again, but I can hear nothing. I have my watch which is backlit so I can thankfully keep tabs on the time but it seems wrong. Everything feels wrong. I can't have only been here this long, I can't have been here for this long, both concepts are wrong and both are right. My watch is telling me that it should be getting light again by now, but I can't see any light seeping through gaps anywhere. No light so maybe no air. Where is the air coming from? Can I escape the same way?

I can't breathe.

It is much too hot.

I can't breathe this girl's death any longer.

'HEY ANYONE THERE!? SAM!'

and my voice is hoarse from the shouting and I am thirsty and I am going to die here.

My mind drifts for a while as I think about – try to think about everything that's happened. Lack of fresh air, fear – something is effecting the way I am thinking and all I can remember is Sam and his filthy mouth.

If I ever get out of here, if I do, then I will locate that child and I will want something from him and he wont like it.

She is leaking her bodily fluids.

She is losing her rigor.

I can smell her rotting.

I have been here more than twenty four hours. Less than forty eight. Someone will find me. Someone will eventually. The girl. The girl will be reported missing. They will be looking for her car.

'I'm sorry.' I say to her. I am sorry. I should have protected her.

I let her die.

This is all my fault.

I close my eyes but I don't want to sleep. I don't want to miss that opportunity if I hear something. I can't risk sleeping here. I can't. I can't. I will just close my eyes. I have to try to get some strength back from somewhere.

Sam.

Come back for me.

-o-o-o-

'I need to rest.'

He has been lagging for a while now and so with a sigh I stop and nod. 'We need to find water and something to eat too.' I tell him and turn around to look. I avoid the strange clothing he is in and concentrate on that beautiful face. 'Come here.' I put my arms out and he walks obediently into them and we just stand and hold on to each other for a while. I know he is bothered about things which happened and I want to sooth the problems away but I think I probably just made them worse with the 'information' I 'passed on' to him. He feels hot and sweaty and when I pull back from him and start to undo his buttons he doesn't resist. Sometimes I wish he would, you know, say "Not now Floyd." But he never does and if he did I would beat him into submission anyway. Which is probably why he doesn't bother. I undo that top button and I plant a kiss on his ever sweet skin and I feel his hands lightly touch me on my sides. The next button reveals slightly more and my kisses make their way downwards and his fingers dig in slightly. We are meant to be hurrying. I don't have time for this now, but I want it so badly.

So badly it hurts.

The next button is undone and I can see the deep indentation across his chest which earlier had been a nasty cut. I healed it well, though I do think it will scar.

I run my tongue over it and his hands move upwards and then down, his fingers are pinching at my skin through my shirt. Again I move back…and this time I remove my coat and jacket and then I am back with him again and I am touching him and moving my hands over him and he is doing it back. I feel Spencer's fingers slide behind my waistband and pull my shirt out from where I'd roughly tucked it in. I feel his hands on my skin and I lick my way up to his neck where I bite gently and suck at his throat.

'We – don't have – we don't – Spence – we don't have time.' I sigh across his hot skin. 'We need to move on. Find – somewhere – somewhere we can stay the night.' It is hard to concentrate when someone has their mouth gently on your ear whispering things into it. I push him back away from me. 'No. Not now.' And I snatch my things up from the forest floor and walk away from him. I will have him later. Not now.

I know where to go. I can smell the water and it will be a chance to sit and maybe relax and I can explain some things to Spencer. I know he needs to know. I just don't know how he will take it, so it is about half an hour of silent walking until we reach the edge of a smallish sized stream. Probably in the height of summer it doesn't even exist, but for now it is good. I can hunt locally and keep him safe.

Firstly we both kneel on the bank of the stream and take in handfuls of cold water. It feels good. Then I take Spencer in my arms and just hold him for a while. I bury my face in his hair and just enjoy this feeling. I know it will end. I know it can't last forever and so I need to make the most of every second we have.

'Sit.' I tell him. 'Just sit and relax for a while. I will be there.' And I point. ' You will be able to see me and hear me. I won't be far. I just need to get things for us to eat and smoke.

He nods and sits under a tree and pulls his knees up close and wraps his arms around his legs and his head goes down to rest on his knees.

-o-o-o-

I am exhausted. I sit and wrap my arms around myself and sit with my head on my knees listening to the insistent voices in my head. It has tired me beyond belief listening to them all day and tying to ignore them. Now though there are no other distractions.

_You are going to let him leave you here?_

_He won't come back._

_Scum._

_Pervert._

_Filth._

_You are just a dirty little whore._

_I know what you're thinking._

I mutter back at them occasionally but not much. I don't want Floyd to know what is happening. I don't want him to know about it so I keep as quiet as I can. I thought I heard him coming back, but he wasn't. Maybe he can hear the voices too? No, no, I don't think so.

Then something touches my arm. It just brushes gently over it and I close my eyes tightly expecting more, but nothing happens. I finally lift my head and stretch slightly. He has been back at some point. I knew he had. He's left berries and mushrooms on a big shiny green leaf. I smile at it and touch it with my finger but I don't eat yet. I will wait for him.

'Babes.' And he is next to me and sitting down beside me with his legs crossed. 'Here.' He passes me more berries and looks at the first lot sitting on the leaf. I place a berry in my mouth and let it roll around on my tongue for a while before biting into it. It is divinely sweet. I watch Floyd pick up his own supply and pop them in his mouth. I try another. Not as sweet this time but still wonderful.

'Spencer?' Floyd puts a hand on his throat and starts spitting out the fruit. 'What the hell is this stuff?!' He tries to get to his feet but I can see him sliding sideways. 'What have you done to me?!' I can hear him coughing and gagging and I am moving in to help when his eyes roll back and he starts vomiting.

'N n nothing! I've n n not done anything! What's going on?'

'Poisoned me you fucker!'

'No! God no! How? I didn't touch them.'

He is twisting on the floor. 'Where did you get them?' More vomiting and his nose is pouring blood.

'I thought you got them!'

'I poisoned them.' The voice comes from behind me and there is someone dressed in a crazy oriental costume. 'get out of the way Reid. I need to say something to Floyd here before I take you.' My arm is grabbed with such speed that I don't have a chance to escape it. 'Floyd!' He says. 'I killed your little shit Sam. I've got my orders for this one too, but you know what I'm like with rules. I like to bend them a bit. Reid will live. For now. Until I've stopped playing or I get bored, but I think you need to see this first.'

I twist my arm to get away as my eyes flick from this person to Floyd who is now lying still in his vomit and back to this guy again. 'Let go of me!'

-o-o-o-

I can't move.

I have no clue what was in the food but it has downed easily. I am trying desperately to metabolise whatever it was but Taki knows I do this and this stuff, whatever it is had begun to bind to my blood. I can feel it seeping into my body and crawling through my heart and I need to reach out and snap the bastard's neck but I can't move. All can do is watch and listen. I watch as he upper cut's Spencer and I watch him stagger back. Then the blades are out and pointing at his face.

'Strip.' Taki sounds amused. 'Strip or I will slice you open.'

And Spence is shaking his head. 'No.' he tells him. He looks at me for confirmation but I'm not able to give him any, but it does give Taki an idea. He moves back from Spence and over to me.

'Strip or I will start hurting your lover.'

Again Spencer shakes his head. 'No.'

I would scream. I really fucking would cos those damned demon swords are made to hurt people like me. It slices through my side and digs deep down inside me but all I can do is lie there and look at the horrified look cross Spencer's face.

'Stop it!' he shouts it 'OK – I'll do it.' And he is kicking off his boots and pulling at his clothing.

'Thank you Reid.' Taki moves away from me again and over to Spencer who has stripped down to his underwear. He has never looked so thin and pathetic as he does now. Taki pushing him down to his knees and moving in behind him. 'You are going to have to learn a whole new set of rules and the first one is that you will never talk to me and secondly you will never look at me. You will do exactly as I tell you.'

He talks loudly enough for me to hear what is going on. He positions Spencer so he is facing me and then as I lie here bleeding into the leaves he rapes Spencer. I can see him writhe and struggle and try to get away from the assault and I can see Taki is saying something to him, but I can't hear it. He is hissing it at him over his bare skin and Spencer stops trying to get away. He looks at me while the assassin rips into him. Not anything I've not done to him but this is different. This is someone else. This isn't me. I can see hands on Spencer's hips pulling him in closer and I can see the satisfied look on Taki's face.

'I took your spawn's head off.' He says. I see Spencer's eyes widen. 'And I will take Spencer's too. I will take everything you have ever wanted or loved and I will destroy it. One way or another I will take it and break it.'

I listen now to Spence shout out in pain and I can hear Taki's howl of satisfaction and he pushes my Spencer down away from him where he just curls up.

The bastard knows he has time constraints. He knows he has to get moving now. 'Get up whore.' He tells him. 'Get up and put this on.' And he has thrown a dark blue sarong onto the ground next to him. Spencer doesn't get up though. He doesn't put on the sarong. 'Do it or I will slice him again.' And the blade is placed against the side of my neck where it cuts in slightly letting out a small dribble of my blood. I watch Spencer get to his knees and pull the thing around him.

-o-o-o-

I don't want to do it.

I want to lay here on the floor forever and never have to move again.

I don't know what damage he has done to me but I am bleeding. I can feel that much. I need to go to hospital. See a doctor, something, anything, I don't need to be putting on a damned sarong.

But I do.

And I stand there watching not doing anything because there is nothing I can do. If I do the wrong thing he will kill Floyd. He will then kill me and so I need to do what he asks of me and let Floyd recover and he will come for me. I know he will.

'I'm sorry.' I say silently to him.

'I know.' He mouths back at me.

And I watch the blade slide into his neck and I watch him lay helpless in the leaves as his neck opens up and starts to empty his blood out. I want to run forwards and help him but this guy is tying something around my neck. 'I'm Taki.' He tells me. 'And you belong to me now. Remember my rules and you will be fine. Now let's go.'

I look back at Floyd as I am dragged away and Floyd looks back at me and gives me a little twitch of his fingers and a smirk…

And I know everything will be alright.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9Girls and Boys and Other Things

Girls and Boys and Other Things

* * *

She was reported missing.

Elsie Monroe was twenty one but looked a lot younger. Her mother reported her missing when she didn't turn up after going into town to have coffee with a friend. It wasn't like her to be late. Not ever, but still time has to pass before someone can be reported missing. Time has to pass when an adult goes missing. An hour late home just isn't enough.

'Can you at least look for her car?' Mrs Monroe had asked and they said they would keep an eye out for it. 'She might have been in an accident.' Mrs Monroe told them in a shaky voice.

'You need to call the local hospitals Mrs Monroe.' They told her and no, as far as they knew along the route she had told them Elsie would be driving there had been no accidents.

And so Mrs Monroe called the local hospitals and they couldn't match her description to anyone who had been brought in. She called the café where Elsie was meeting Monica and yes they remembered them. They are regulars and yes they left together and nothing seemed strange as far as the café staff could tell.

'At least I know she made it there.' Mrs Monroe said to herself as she picked up the telephone to call the police once again. 'Please, you have to find her car for me.' She was crying now. Elsie had been missing for two days.

'I promise that we are doing our best Mrs Monroe. As soon as we know something we will let you know.' The voice was trying to be kind but to Anna Monroe it just sounded tired and bored. Her shaking hands pressed the red button on her phone and she placed it back in the recharging cradle on the desk

'Where are you Elsie?' She whispered through her tears and shuddering breaths.

-o-o-o-

They took this route home every day. They lived up here and worked down there. A long drive every damned day but a nice one up through the edges of this ancient forest. It was unusual to see a car parked up here and as they droved by they could see it had been there over night. The leaves on the roof and the junk collecting by the wheels could tell them that it hadn't just arrived.

It was there the next morning on the way back down…and still there on the way up. When the following night it was still there, they decided to call the police and so that is why officers Trent and Ambrose were up in the area locally known as Demons Bend the following day.

To them it looked obvious. The car had been abandoned. The looked cautiously through the car windows and could see nothing untoward. No dead bodies. Nothing strange. The car was unlocked though but the keys were not in the ignition. So they stood hands on hips or doing some chin scratching and called back to say the Elsie wasn't in the car. They would have a look around though and see if there was anything and maybe the Crime Scene people needed to get up here and have a look because now Elsie Monroe's disappearance was definitely well – official.

They could smell something bad.

Two lots of something bad.

One lot coming from the car.

It leapt out at them and shot up their nostrils before they could prevent it. Decomp. They knew the smell, but there were no bodies in the car for it to be coming from. They both looked at the trunk but neither of them touched it. They had a very nasty feeling about the fate of Elsie. The other smell though, it did smell like a dead animal. A large dead animal. That smell was coming from just over there…over there where they were looking and finally after looking at each other and nodding side arms were drawn and they walked carefully forwards. They are hardened cops. How bad can it be?

They homed in on the smell quickly and they could see it was a body lying partially covered by forest debris. They again looked at each other and with hands over noses they walked closer. It was hard to tell at first but as they got closer they could see that this person hadn't fallen down and died of natural causes. This person was mutilated. Mutilated to the point that they couldn't even tell if it was Elsie or someone else. They backed away. They couldn't help this person and they didn't want to be stomping on evidence. Slowly they replaced their side arms and walked back to their car to await the CSU and likely more cops. Ambrose got in the cop car and started the engine.

'Where you going?' His partner of fifteen years asked.

'Moving her downwind of that.' He muttered back and pointed at Elsie Monroe's car.

They waited for nearly half an hour. It was no short trip up here to The Bend. The cops and the crime guys all arrived at the same time along with an ambulance just in case. Trent took them to the body whilst Ambrose stood back whilst someone dusted the trunk before lifting prints and then hands over mouths and noses they popped the trunk.

-o-o-o-

At first he pulled me. I don't know how long for, but I had already been walking all day and now I was bare foot and things were getting stuck into the bottom of my feet. I could feel them bleeding and so it wasn't really all that surprising when I stumbled and fell into the roots and leaves on the floor. I thought for a second that he would give me the chance to stand but he kept on moving forwards and I think he even moved faster now. I put my hands up and wind my fingers around the rope tied around my neck and try to stop it pulling. I know I am making grunting noises and I don't want to. I want to stay silent. I'm not going to give this person the benefit of knowing my pain, my fear. I want to shout at him to stop but he doesn't and now he is running and I am smacking against the sides of trees and being dragged through brambles and thorns. I want to close my eyes but when I do that the voices are there shouting abuse at me and I can't take it any longer. I need this to stop, but my choices are taken from me when my head hits a rock and my hands with bloody palms slide from the rope and he keeps running. Running me through a grey world where I can't see or breathe or even exist; not now that the stars are there in front of my eyes and the creatures are there biting at me as I am dragged bouncing into a dark, very dark place.

When I wake up, at first I think I am probably dead. This feels like it is hell. I a curled up foetal on the floor which seems to be make of concrete. I can smell the damp and I can smell dirt but that is all there is. The room is about twenty foot square. The ceiling is probably about eight foot up and there is one door. A door about five foot high and normal width, made of a dark grey metal. There is what appears to be a grill in the bottom of the door and a spy hole it seems about half way up. Apart from that and some drainage cover on the floor that is nothing. Slowly I push to sit up and press my back against the cold pale grey wall. There is light coming from small inset things in the corners of the room. Oh and a bucket. I don't want to think about what that is for right now. I still have the sarong thing on around me and I do a quick fingertip inspection of the state of my body. I have been treated with some sort of chemical. A disinfectant I'd guess. I am covered in small scratches and bruises but I have also been cleaned up. I put my hands to my throat and I can feel where the rope had been digging in.

Right at the back of my mind hidden somewhere is a memory of being carried; fireman's lift style through forest. I don't have a clear memory of it though and I wonder if it is my imagination. I sit with my knees pulled up close and I pull the fabric of my clothing down and around me to cover as much as I can, but it's not easy.

If I can keep my eyes open at least I won't have to listen to the things in my head. I get up. Maybe the door isn't locked. I would feel a right fool if it wasn't. My feet are in agony. I think I have a couple of broken toes and so I walk slowly across the cold rough floor. When I get to the thing in the floor I look down. It is a metal drain cover and when I bend to look at it I can see it goes down into darkness. I can't see anything down there. The cover its self is set into the flooring. There is no way I can move it. I try. Obviously I try, but its set firmly. I stand up again and carry on walking to the door. I firstly just stand and look at it. It's very low and set flush with the wall. From here I can't see the hinges and there is no sign of a lock or door handle. This means I can't be locked in here with my jailer. A small comfort. I then place my finger tips on the cold metal door and feel for something. Anything really, maybe a vibration from something somewhere, but there is nothing. Then I push slightly and I don't expect it to move and it doesn't. I put my finger over the small indent which is probably a spy hole and then crouch down and look through the grill at the bottom of the door. There is nothing to see out there but another grey wall a few feet away. The spaces in the grill are too small for even my fingers to escape. I can smell air. Fresh air and a small breeze making its way through the door but other than that it is silent.

I could make a big fuss and through myself at the door but I think that is a waste of time. I am better off waiting for this person, this Taki to return so that I can talk to him. Slowly I return to where I was sitting, via quick look into the bucket which is empty, but I have a good guess what it is probably for.

Sitting waiting.

I don't know how long for.

It could be days or hours, but eventually my eyes close and let the voices keep me company.

_He will kill you._

_Are you just going to sit and let him do this to you?_

_Do something about it_

'_There is nothing I can do.' I tell them._

_Of course there is. There is always something. _

'_I don't want to do that.' I mutter at them._

_But you'll love it. Just relax and think of that scum Flanders…you'll love it. He'll love it. I bet he has cameras. I bet he is watching you. _

'_Leave me alone.' I snap._

_No, no, no, I can't do that and you know that I can't._

And they tell me about the creatures which live under my skin and they laugh at me when I tell them to shut up and they laugh louder when I shout at them and put my hands over my ears and then something happens.

Gradual at first.

It starts in my stomach.

And moves to my groin and then climbs back up to my stomach. It sits for a while in my chest and I feel it, I can feel its ice cold fingers touching my heart.

Really – really I have no idea what is happening. I think maybe – is this a heart attack? Am I dying? But it doesn't feel like that. I slide sideways onto the floor and the place it has been is on fire. I need to do something to stop it. My eyes are watering and I know I am drooling and I know I am shaking and still something is probing me and moving around inside me. It is almost as though someone or something has invaded me and is trying to take over.

'Stop.' I want to tell it to stop, but when I open my mouth I start screaming. I scream out words I don't really understand. Words which make no sense to me at all but whatever this thing is it is inside me now and I need to let it out. One of my hands is protectively covering my groin the other I try to use to get this thing out of me. To give it an escape route and so I claw at my stomach. I dig my fingers into my skin and I can feel the stickiness of the blood building up around my fingers.

Someone is pulling my hands away from me. Someone is shouting at me to shut up, but I can't. My head is back and my mouth is open and I am howling in pain and rage but I don't know – I don't know why.

I am being dragged across the floor by my arm. Fingers are digging in tightly and I am thrown down next to the drainage hole. 'Hands and knees.' I am told. _Tell him to fuck off _I am also told.

So I roll over onto my front and start to get on my hands and knees.

'Hands there.' And he kicks my arms out from under me and pushes me so I am over the thing on the floor. 'Do you know what that is?' _Tell him to fuck off. _I stay quiet for now. He's not really expecting me to answer. It was a rhetorical question. Obviously I know what a drain looks like. I can see that he has moved around in front of me and so I glance up at him.

'Do you remember the rules?' He asks.

I nod slowly but I don't take my eyes off him. There is a unique beauty about him. Something special in those almond shaped eyes that I cant take my own eyes off. I let my vision wander over his face and finally they rest on his mouth. A perfect mouth in a perfect face. I want to say something to him. I want to reach out and touch him but I realise now that whilst distracted by his face he has cuffed my hands to the grill on the floor. He puts his hand on the top of my head and pushes it down so I am looking at the floor and at my hands.

'You are a slow learner Reid. This here is a drainage system. It's fairly basic. The floor slopes gently in the direction of it. As said – simple. It makes my job easier. I can keep the place clean of your filth and your blood this way.' The hand plays roughly with my hair for a while. 'I'm going to take you and you are going to enjoy it.'

And I talk now.

'You can do what you want to me but you cannot force me to enjoy it.'

The fingers tighten in my hair. 'Don't be so sure of that Reid. You will be amazed what I can force you to do.'

'You might be able to force me, but you cannot make me enjoy this.'

He moves away from me. 'Well. Let me see if I can change your mind.' I can see his sandaled feet move away from me. I hear a whisper of noise and the clanging of a door. He didn't do anything to me. I want to close my eyes but I don't want to talk to the other ones right now and so I lay on my side with my hands attached to the grill and I peer down into the darkness.

I am sleeping when he returns.

And I pretend to enjoy it.

Every thrust and movement. I try to make the right noises as he tears into me. I try not the scream at him to stop. I try not to bed him to leave me alone…I call for more…I ask for it to be harder and deeper and I push back onto him and I try, I really try very hard not to listen to the crying of the little girl huddled up bleeding and battered in the corner.

Then that thing –

That thing inside me –

It howls in delight and I want to shut it up but it wont be quiet now and it shouts for more and it calls and begs and cries for it and it makes me squirm and wriggle in ways I thought only Floyd could do to me…

And she is crying….my god what has he done to that little girl?

Why does she look so familiar?

'And so Spencer Reid can you tell me, did you enjoy that?'

And no I didn't. I didn't enjoy being raped by some man samurai – and I need to tell him that. 'Yes.' I say, but that's not what I mean to say. 'Thank you.' I tell him. And he pulls away from me and walks to the child and takes her by her hair and drags her from the room. 'Don't hurt her.' I mutter at him.

'I didn't ask you to talk.' He says and to make the point clear he smacks the child's head on the door as he leaves. 'Sweet dreams.' He tells me as the room is plunged into darkness.

-o-o-o-

I had fallen asleep and I don't know how. The sudden light wakes me up instantly though. I try to move. I want to leap up and get out of here but I can't. I just lay there and look up at a guy in glasses looking back at me.

'Good god! Get the medics here now!'

Carefully they touch me and feel my neck and then they give me a mask to breathe into. I try to move again but my muscles seem to have seized up.

'It's OK.' Someone is telling me. 'We have you now.' But it's not OK. It will never be OK again.

'Sam?' I manage to say, but faces stay blank and hands are lifting me from the back of the car and onto a gurney. I can see repulsed looks on their faces. 'Be careful with her.' I tell them. 'I think she is hurt.' The sun is too bright and the voices are too loud and someone is asking me my name. SSA Aaron Hotchner.' I tell them but I don't see the reaction.

'Who else was with you?' They ask. 'Elsie and who else?'

'Her name is Elsie? Such a pretty name.' I'm having a problem thinking. 'Sam. Sam was here too.' But again I don't see reactions. I see the sky move as they move me away to the ambulance. 'Is Sam here?' I really need to know about Sam. 'I need you to find Sam. I am looking after him. I have to know he is safe.' But they don't talk to me they just drive me away and mutter to themselves.

-o-o-o-

Fuck fuck fuck

Shit

Crap on a stick…I can't move.

He killed Sam.

He's taken Spence from me.

He's incapacitated me royally…I can't move. Too much blood loss. I need to replenish it somehow…and

Rosa?

Please no….

Not my Rosa.

-o-o-o-

I can hear the child screaming even in my dreams.

I can hear the thing inside me laughing and scratching at my insides and teasing me by putting ice cold fingers around my heart.

I can feel it eating its way into my soul.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10 Some Simple Rules

Some Simple Rules

* * *

The difference between Rosa and Sam, apart obviously from the gender is that Rosa isn't me. Sam is, was, I'm not sure anymore, Sam is a clone. Rosa has a mother. A whore of a mother but one none the less. A short boyish looking woman with a flat chest and nothing going for her in any way except I was able to fuck her and pretend it was a boy. She had Rosa. Sam means the world to me please don't get me wrong. He means everything to me. Everything dark and sordid and dank. Rosa is, Rosa is a blossom in the breeze. A true angel. And I can't just go out and create another like I can with Sam. I've moved his consciousness over to Spencer to hold and secure for now. Rosa though, she's not an immortal. She is just a little girl with a foul mouth and lust for boys. Even at her early age. That though is environment. That is not something I can blame her for, but she will die, and there will be nothing I can do to prevent it. I need to move and get away from here and find where that son of a bitch has taken them. And why. I need to know why so I can figure out what to do and lying here on the fucking forest floor isn't what I had in mind when I ripped Barbie and Ken apart and their dog.

They will, if I don't move my sorry arse get caught. I don't know how long it will be until they find them, but I am sure they will eventually go missing and then I will be tracked right back to where I am now. Crap.

I'm not easy to kill. It's not a task many would want to take on and I'm not sure why Taki didn't just finish me when he had the chance. Why just maim me. I'm not sure. Unless this is some stupid revenge foe deeds done many years ago. So fucking long ago I can't remember anymore what it was. He took Sam and as far as I was aware Sam was with Hotchner so now I am left wondering what the hell has happened to Mr FBI. Right now all I can do is spit – yes I can spit and I can move my fingers slowly but the rest of me is immobile. I'm trying to figure it out, you know? Am I immobile because of the poison, which I'm still trying to metabolise, or because of the damage the demon sword did to me. It really feels like my head is virtually off my shoulders, but in actuality I know it's not that bad. Just one thrust in the chest narrowly avoiding my heart and one in the side of my neck narrowly avoiding nothing. I squirted and pumped blood every fucking where and now I can't move. Shit and now it's getting dark again and I need to follow him. I need Spencer back. What the hell is he doing to my Spencer? Who put the contract out?

'Who put the fucking contract out?'

I say that aloud. I want them to hear it, but it starts me coughing and gagging on the blood collecting in my lungs. I won't die. I know I won't die, but I will definitely spend some very uncomfortable moments lying here.

-o-o-o-

They have washed me. Well rather they permitted me to have a shower and now they want me to identify Sam. He was dead? Someone killed Sam? I don't understand why someone out in the forest would do that to a lad. He was a child. A violent and malevolent child but that wasn't necessarily his fault.

Now I have a dressing on the wound on the side of my head and a mind full of tablets to stop me from vomiting and shaking. I am wearing dark blue sweat pants and a white Tshirt and we are standing in front of the door taking us to the mortuary. I don't want to be here. I don't want to identify the body of Flanders child. I was meant to be caring for him. I had said I would and I failed him. I should have been more vigilant. I shouldn't have betrayed the boy's trust and taken the cell phone from poor Elsie, but I can't go back and repair it. It is done and my failure caused the death of a boy.

'Are you ready?'

A stupid question I am asked. How can anyone ever be ready for this? We walk in slowly, maybe not as slow as it feels to me. It is as though I am walking through tar. I even look down at my feet at one point. I'm wearing grey sports shoes. There is nothing slowing me done but the lack of want to go and see what is left of Sam.

They told me previously that the head was missing. They thought they might find it, but no, they haven't. They also said it was curious that he had been there for a couple of days and yet no animals or insects had taken bits of him or landed on him. As far as they could tell. They also didn't think animals had done this.

The drawer is opened. A big metal fronted drawer and inside is a covered body. I've seen some bad things in my line of work. I've seen many mutilated corpses. It is somehow very different when it is someone you know. Someone you talked to. Someone – god help me – you bonded with and even liked.

Mainly it was going to be the hands and the clothing I would be looking at but I could tell, even though they didn't pull back the cloth far enough to show where the head should be, I could see it was Sam. A small wiry strong body. I could see where the people here had sewn back up where his heart had been ripped from him. It just seemed otherworldly. Who would do this? Why take the head?

'Was he sexually assaulted?' I ask whilst running my fingers down they boy's arm.

'Not as far as we can tell. He was still fully dressed. There are signs of lots of past abuse though.'

I look up at the coroner. 'What sorts of abuse?' I feel sick. I need to sit down.

'Anal sex mainly. It really is hard to tell though. Without the head.' He pulls the cover back over him. 'Broken bones, cracked ribs, broken fingers. All healed over now, but definitely a victim.' I stand and watch as the drawer is pushed back in again. 'We do need to confirm a name though.' So I nod.

'Sam Flanders.' I tell them. 'Can I see his clothing? I can tell you what he had been wearing.' I receive a nod and I'm taken to one of the examination tables where they tip out the contents of a bag. Sam's dungarees and orange Tshirt make me want to scream. Even now I desperately wanted to be wrong. 'They are his.' I mutter almost to myself and a much unwanted tear threatens to escape. I turn and wipe at it with anger. I don't want to feel sorry for him. He beat me. He murdered that poor girl with now remorse or guilt, but the fact that he too was a victim of something vile doesn't make it easier. I am told that I need to go back to my room and someone will escort me because they are unhappy with the way I have seemingly gone very pale. They police will want to talk to me. The Feds are not involved in this. It's at the moment, a local thing but I think they will be calling in our help. I'm sure of it. If Flanders did this to his child…….

………… but no, it wasn't him. This person used a weapon they say. Whoever it was took the boy's head off in one strike, so they tell me. Flanders wouldn't do that. I know that much. Flanders would have torn into him with his bare hands. There is nothing to connect the boy's death with his father.

'My god Flanders boy is dead.' I say to myself. 'Why is he not there claiming the body? Why is Floyd Flanders not here?' Something has stopped him form coming back. He is with Reid. Has something happened to them too? 'I need a phone' I tell the nurse I am with. 'I need to call someone.' That someone turned out to be David Rossi. I need to tell him what has been going on. I need to know why I am not missing! On vacation? I had a full month off. As did Spencer, it would be a while before we are missed.

-o-o-o-

It's not an actual sleep.

I don't know what it is, but I lie there with my eyes staring off into the never ending darkness and listen to the child screaming.

I can imagine what he might be doing to her and I just hope to the gods that I'm wrong. She only looked to be about ten. He is going to use that poor child against me. He is going to use her to force me to do things I don't like.

But then maybe I did like it.

Maybe he just needs to ask.

I know I'm crying but I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if it is for the child or if I am feeling sorry for myself. I hurt. What he did is probably no worse than Floyd does to me, but this hurt. There is no comfort afterwards. No loving hands touching me. No whispered words in my ears. But the actual act. The thing he did to me. While he was doing it – I would be very hard pressed to admit that I didn't like it and it makes this all worse. I can see Floyd lying there pouring blood and the look on his face. That look of helplessness. I'm in this alone. I have to fight this alone. For all I know Floyd is dead. I saw what this Taki person did to him I saw how deep that blade went in. I saw the way it spurted from Floyd's neck and I could see the growing puddle he was lying in. I just don't understand why. Why is this guy doing this? To get at me? To get at Floyd? He won't let me communicate with him, but damn the rules. I will ask.

I talk to my voices for a little while and they tell me more about the thing living inside me. They tell me that it crawls around under my skin. They tell me I have to keep it safe.

It talks to me too. It tells me that it likes being inside me. It likes my brain. It likes my thoughts and it likes Taki. I want to tell it that liking Taki isn't really an option and he has to stop these feelings but he just yabbers on and on at me. I pull myself over the floor so that I am lying next to my cuffed hands and then I begin to scratch at my stomach. I want to tear it open so that this thing can step out of me and leave me alone.

_But I like it here Spencer_

It tells me.

_I don't want to leave._

And I am here with blood behind my fingernails and my abdomen smeared with fresh blood when Taki comes back in again.

'Get up.' He tells me and slowly I lift and push myself so I am on my hands and knees again. He moves around behind me and he pushes my legs apart and I feel him kneeling down behind me.

'Why are you doing this to me?' I ask him. Even though I know I shouldn't. I need to know why this is happening.

'I told you the rules boy.' He hisses at me in a strange accent. 'You will keep your head down. You will stay silent unless I tell you to talk and you will enjoy it.'

'No.' I tell him. 'You can't make me enjoy this.'

'But nevertheless Reid, you will. I will take from that bastard Flanders all he has ever wanted or loved. You are one of those things. Luck has it for me that you are just a piece of filthy trash. This means I can actually do what I please with you. You are outside the main rules of this game. An extra. A perk.'

'What a about the little girl?' I need to know she is alright. It has been quiet for a while now.

'Hush Reid. You've said enough. I don't want to have to beat you into silence. It is much easier if you just agree to my terms.'

I stay quiet for now. I know what is coming and I will consider this a rape even if something inside me is screaming for it. That something I'm sure isn't me. It's just one of the many voices.

So I feel his hands grasping my hips and he holds me still. I want to struggle. I want to move away from him but I am secured to the floor. There is no where to go. The only thing I can think of doing is to kick, but even that seems pointless now – now that I can feel him pressing against me and I want to close my eyes but I don't want to share this with the voices or the creature living inside me, but I can hear it, there in my brain whooping with delight and forcing me back onto him, pushing harder and being more and more demanding. I can hear excited little sounds of enjoyment breaking from between my lips and I open my mouth to tell it to stop and leave me alone but the wrong words leap forth. I am shouting out for more. I am calling for it to be harder and my words are in time with the movement I am giving. Forcing myself back harder and needing him deep inside me. This should be for Floyd only. I don't desire anyone else. I definitely don't want to be raped whilst cuffed to a grate in the floor, but I can't stop it. It is all happening. I feel a hand moving around me and touching me and teasing me with long warm fingers and I arch my back and howl out and writhe but not trying to get away, I need more. I want more. I demand more, but suddenly it stops. Suddenly Taki moves back. He is finished and I am still kneeling rocking wanting and needing to be satisfied.

'You are such a dirty little whore.' He says to me and I turn my head and look up at him and blink. My look gets me a kick in the face. It gets me, once I am on my side a kick in the stomach. My cries of delight and pleasure are quickly replaced. The voice inside me has gone and all that is left now is me and for me this is pain. This takes away from me that lust I was feeling.

'Sorry!' I shout, but he is either not listening or it is too late. The kicks are vicious and there is no way for me to defend myself. All I can do is curl up and attempt to stay alive as best I can. I am sure he doesn't intend killing me. I am almost certain that his motive is purely for his own pleasuring and begging for him to stop kicking me isn't helping.

I feel him stamp down on my exposed side. Onto my ribs. I feel them crack under the force and somewhere I can hear myself screaming. I am told to shut up.

'Keep quiet whore or the girl will get a seeing to as well.'

And so I need to. I have to stay quiet and take this. I couldn't face being the reason that poor child was hurt.

'Please stop. I'm sorry.' But he doesn't listen to me as his feet make contact with my back. I try counting. I do this. I am used to being beaten, only in the past Floyd is usually there. He is there to protect me or if he is the one hurting and he frequently is, then he will be there to hold me afterwards and heal me and take some of the pain away. This though isn't going to happen.

'Filthy whore dog.' And the spit lands on the side of my face. I need desperately to move it. To wipe it away, but he will repeat it if he does so I just move so I am on my front and I throw up. I throw up everything and anything going back to the beginning of time. It slides down the drain and finally the kicking has stopped. Finally he is not touching me. He is still shouting abuse at me though.

'This is what happens to scum. This is what happens to rule breakers. You will not look at me. You will not talk to me unless I ask you a direct question. You will enjoy me and you will forget about that dog Flanders. You are mine now.'

I want to look at him. I want to tell him he's wrong and Flanders will always be mine but I can't move. I am too busy vomiting down the drain and then he is gone and the lights are off.

I lay on my side with my face next to the drain and listen to the screams of the child again. I listen to her begging for someone to help her and all I can do is lie here and listen and cry silent tears.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11 Liar

Liar

* * *

Now that official Sam had been identified they were going to do other tests on him. They tell me that there is something not right about the boy. Apart from the lack of head and heart I don't know what they mean. Medically he was strange. They want to remove internal organs and inspect them closer. They want really to look at the boy's brain but that's not possible.

I sit and think about it. I know Floyd wouldn't allow strangers to cut into his child but I'm not really in the position to tell them not to.

'His father wouldn't like it.'

I tell them and they ask me if it is for religious reasons and slowly I nod. In a way, yes it is. 'As it is I am unsure how his father is going to react to this. Further damage to his son's body is not going to please him. I imagine he will be claiming the remains to take back home with him for proper arrangements to be made.'

They want to know where his father is then, and that is a question I really would like answered. I am shaking my head now. 'I thought he would be here by now. I don't know what's holding him up.' I push my fingers through my hair and take a long deep breath. He has Spencer. That is what is holding him up.

Rossi's arrival at the hospital is a grateful distraction. We go back to the room I am staying in to collect my few things.

'All we know is that they were making for the forest.' He is telling me about Reid and Flanders. 'Reid, on the one occasion the pair were seen did not seem to be harmed and wasn't being coerced. We have to face it Aaron, this is what Reid wants.' He sits on the big green chair in the corner of my room and I sit on my bed.

'None of it makes any sense Dave. I know Flanders would be here if he could.'

'If he knows.'

I look over at him as he sits leaning forward with his elbows resting on his legs and his chin in his hand.

'He knows.' But how do I know that. 'A gut feeling Dave. Something has gone wrong. I don't know what, but we have to find them both.' I look away from him and start inspecting a spot on the wall. 'We need to pick up on unusual murders. It will lead us directly to them.' I can see out of the corner of my eye that Dave is just watching me. 'He didn't kill Sam.'

'How can you know that?'

I shake my head and look back at him. 'Sam meant something to him. They had a bond of sorts; I know he wouldn't do that.' But I also knew somehow that in the past Floyd _had _attacked the boy with knife and hammer. 'It wasn't him. Fine.' I nod. 'He might have killed Sam, but not like that. The methodology is completely wrong. He fights bare handed when he can. He doesn't take heads and he will sexually abuse his victims when he kills them. He didn't do that to Sam.'

Now Dave is nodding. 'So to find Flanders we need to search fitting murders and hope Reid isn't amongst them.' He stands.

'He won't be. He wouldn't do that to Reid.' I know. I don't know how I know, but I do.

'I'll take you home to get changed then. I assume you intend coming into the office and talking to Garcia.' It wasn't a question. I slide off the bed and nod again.

'I have a suit at the office I can use. Just take me straight there.' But I can see he is looking at my arm which is strapped up after being hit by the car. 'I have painkillers for this Dave. I will be fine. I've rested. We don't have time to mess around and not be looking for Reid.' I pick up my bag of belongings. 'We need to be looking for Flanders.'

-o-o-o-

I've tried to move and wasn't very successful. I'm stuck here and now things are crawling on me. In a way I want Hotchner to find me. I want them to know it wasn't me. I know they think it was. Who the hell else in this world kills for no reason. Fuck 'em all. Then if they find those others, you know the ones I did take for myself then I am going to be in all kinds of not very nice shit. Though DNA won't be found. They can't catch me that way but they will know. Hotchner will know and I'm screwed. I'm stuck here and they will be here and even if it's not that crowd who find me they will soon find out about me. That blond tart with her computers, she'll have had me tagged a while back. If not, then she's not the brain she seems to be.

Shit.

I can move my fingers.

I can wiggle my toes.

That's gotta be good huh?

That's gotta mean I'm repairing, but I know I'm not. I am thinking I will be here two more day's before they track me from the bodies. Not hard to do. Come on boys.

-o-o-o-

'Sir. I have that list you were after. In the past few days there really isn't that much unusual. The only thing really is a couple and their dog. They never returned from their usual walk. The local police are on it. They found the car up near a place called Shadows Bolt. It's been there for a couple of days.'

I sigh and look up at the techie. 'Thank you Garcia.'

'The contact numbers are here sir.'

And she places a strip of paper in front of me.

'Are you alright sir? You look very grey.'

'I'm going to fine thank you. Good work.' I tell her. She needs to be told these things sometimes.

-o-o-o-

I don't protest. I let him do what he wants. I take my mind off it by looking at the child he dragged in with him. She has on a pair of denim shorts and a pink Tshirt. Both are filthy and smeared with things I don't even want to begin thinking about. She stares are me with huge dark eyes and wraps her skinny arms around herself. I want to talk to her. I want to tell her it will be alright and that I will sort it, but it wont and I cant and so I smile at her and keep my eyes locked onto her skinny frame and as Taki forces his way into me again and I feel him tearing his way inside me I look at her and she looks back. There are tears in her eyes and I'm not sure if they are for me or not but I need to offer her some comfort.

'It's OK.' I say. I say it really quietly. Not much over a whisper, but he still hears me.

'I didn't tell you to talk.' He snaps at me and moves away. I prepare myself for the beating I know I'll get and my whole body is tense ready. I look down at the drain and wait but my head snaps up again when I hear the girl scream. He is holding her with one hand around the neck. His other fist he is bringing back and smacking her hard in the face. I watch her head go back and crack against the wall. I watch her little girl struggles stop and she hangs limply from Taki's hand. 'You want her dead? Is that your plan Reid?' I don't say anything but slowly I shake my head and look back down again. 'Next time Reid, next time it is her I fuck and you who gets to watch. You want that? You want to see me take this little girl?' I stay quiet. 'Good – good boy – you are learning.' I hear the thump as she falls to the floor and I hear the slight groanings as he kicks her little body. I want to tell him to stop it, but I'm afraid if I say anything he will carry on. I move as best I can. A bit forward and slightly around. I try to get my body between her and Taki but there isn't enough room. He just kicks me back to the drain and while the child is curled up sobbing he urinates on me. Over my face and across my shoulders where it eventually drips down the drain. 'I've not started on you yet Reid. Remember that. You and I are just getting to know each other.'

I don't look up.

I don't talk.

I curl up on the floor with the liquid stinging my eyes and other places where I have cuts and abrasions and I listen to it drip drip drip down the drain I am attached to.

The girl is dragged from the room by her hair, but now I am not trying to look at her. I don't want to cause her pain. I would like to cry, but I have nothing left to give now. My soul feels empty apart from that thing…that thing in side me.

-o-o-o-

The damage done to the couple was so extensive that it was not possible at first glance to tell which was the guy and which was his girlfriend. The local PD seemed more than happy when we contacted them and said that the MO fitted something we were investigating and so now here we are looking at something so extreme I didn't think even Flanders would go this far. I made me wonder if we were wrong, but my doubt didn't last long. All three have been sexually attacked.

'Three?' I can see the look on Emily's face. She is looking for the third. 'I thought..' I put my hand out and touch her arm.

'There is a dog.' I say trying not to show her the revulsion in my voice but I'm sure it shook a little there.

'Oh god.' Is her response.

We are shown how he has removed parts and placed them in different places. The hearts – the three of them – are together on a big green wavy leaves. Each has been, so they tell us, squeezed and chewed on. The livers are also carefully removed and placed together.

'He is very organised.' Emily's voice is not much more than a whisper. 'He took what he was after, and then what? Just tore them apart?'

We stand back and watch as bits are collected and placed in bags to take back to the lab. I ask a question though I am sure I already know the answer. 'Do they all have their heads?' And the answer is positive. I am then told that the face was the least damaged of the victims. The all three had broken necks but the head was still very much attached. I look at Emily who is tucking her hair behind her ears and looking around at the mess.

'One person did all of this?' I can see that her mind is still trying to take it all in. 'Why? Was Reid with him? Was Reid a part of this?' I want to tell her not to be stupid. Of course Reid had nothing to do with this, but we don't know. I don't know. I am just assuming that this is all Flanders doing, and he will be punished for it.

The yapping of dogs in the distance drags my eyes away from the gore and over towards the sound. The rangers have arrived with their dogs and some news.

He puts his hand out for me to shake and I take it and give him a hard look. 'Ranger Oust.' I am told. 'We had been trying to contact one of our men. He's been missing for a few days. This recent development has rung alarm bells for us all. He was in the area.' He is trying not to look at the mess. 'The dogs can track who did this.' He tells me and I nod as Derek comes over to join us with a flak jacket for my self and Emily. He is already wearing his.

So we move off. The ranger with his dog and we are following. There is a total of eight of us. The three of us, two rangers and three local police officers. The blood trail doesn't last long though. Visually we are blind. We have to rely on the dogs which seem to not be having any problem keeping the scent of Flanders and following it. A couple of times we all stop. The dogs sit and wait and we take a breather. It is impossible to tell if we are getting closer.

'He is not trying to hide his tracks and he was moving quickly.' We are told. 'But there is definitely only one of them.' I watch Morgan slip some gum into his mouth and then offer some to Prentiss. She nods a Thank you and takes some but I decline. We are on the move again. A deep breath and we are on our way.

-o-o-o-

I can hear the dogs.

Shit.

I need a story.

Tell the truth?

That almost makes me laugh. I can hear them come from the depth of the forest. A thought occurs to me and I want to dismiss it but it's there nagging at me and the longer I lie here for thinking about it the more reasonable it becomes. Lay the blame on someone else. Well 'tis obvious more than one person was involved. I hardly did this to myself.

I try to take in the scent to work out who is there but the smell of the blood I am lying in is somewhat over powering, so there is not much I can do about it.

I wait. I hear someone call out something like. 'Over here!' and now people are running and now, yes now I can smell him. I can smell Agent Derek Morgan first. His stench carries over the others. The sweet delicious Emily and Hotchner. There are others too but I don't know who they are.

'Oh god.' It is Emily's voice and I can see Emily's feet and I reach out for one and make her scream when I touch her foot. 'My god! He's alive.' And the rangers are moving in and that bastard Morgan is watching.

'What happened?' It is Hotchner's voice but not his hands one me. Someone is rolling me to my back. They are touching me. Feeling my pulse. Straightening my legs and looking at my face. I glance back at them and lick my lips. 'Who did this to you?' Hotchner asks again.

'A guy with swords.' I manage to say but it brings on a coughing fit which in turn causing my wounds to start bleeding again.

'I don't know how he is still alive.' One of the rangers says.

'Where is Spencer?' Hotchner is kneeling in the leaves next to me. Prentiss is the other side of me and I can feel her fingers on the back of my hand. Hardly touching me, but still there.

I look over at Morgan who is pacing. 'Taki took him. They left together.' I mutter. 'I tried to stop him. I don't know what's going on with the boy. He's gone loco.' A half lie. Much better than the full truth. For me. Not for him, but he's not here. 'He killed some people.' And I cough again and spit blood and Emily's hands rest on me and roll me to my side where I can happily spit up and vomit for a while. 'He killed Sam. Taki killed Sam.'

'We need to know where he's taken Reid.' Hotchner is standing up now next to Morgan, but Emily is still next to me. She moves around and takes my hand again. I want to see her face but she is passing silent messages to Hotchner and I don't know what she is saying to him.

'I don't know where they are.' And I cough and again and Emily has a hand on my back and is rubbing and squeezing my hand and she wants me so bad…and I would do her, if the other's weren't here. I'd do Emily Prentiss.

Hotchner is asking me about other murders. Barbie and Ken and I look puzzled and then I manage to move onto my back again. And it's good. It's real good. I manage to get a single tear out. It bursts from my eye and trickles outlandishly down my face. 'That wasn't me. I tried to stop him.' I mutter. 'I did try to stop him.' Spit blood. Get nose bleed. Win an Oscar for my performance. 'He beat the ranger with a sock full of stones. I didn't know he had it in him. I'm sorry. I wasn't there when he did it.' Ah hallelujah another tear. So simple it is. So simple and singular that I think Emily is going to join me in my deep heart felt sorry. Her hand grips tighter. I shoot off my smell for her and my god I can feel her body shuddering.

'You are trying to tell me that it was Reid who killed the couple with their dog?' Morgan's voice.

I let my eyes rest on him. 'Yes.' And the sweet thing is that they would have found his blood soaked clothes. They just needed me to confirm what they feared. 'But Taki did this to me.' I tell them. I don't need them to be under the illusion that Reid was able to take me down. 'Reid however went with him. He let him fuck him then they left together. Help me to sit.' I might not have convinced them totally but still I'm not in cuffs….yet.

-o-o-o-

He comes to me again and kicks me onto my back. I want to tell him to stop but then he is looking at me. Directly at me, and my hands are pulled up above my head still held onto the grating.

The man takes me again but this time he prepares me. He uses lube. He probes with his fingers and he touches me with his hands and then with his mouth. It is rape. It is a sexual assault of a vile nature but yet I don't ask him to stop.

He calls me a whore and a slut. He tells me I am filth and scum. When he has finished with me he gives me some food. 'Your payment.' He tells me. 'You want food and water, then you earn it. You want the little girl to be safe, then you whore for her too.'

I am left with a small paper bowl of rice and a cup of water. He then releases my hands.

'You earned it. Well done Spencer. You are learning.'

* * *


	12. Chapter 12 Family

Family

* * *

I cant work out what exactly it is going on here. My mind is usually so organised and in place but when I am near this man everything just seems to fall apart.

I know….

I know he isn't interested in me in that way. I know it is Reid he wants and lusts after. Not me. But still I have this over powering need to touch him. Just to place my hand on him and feel the warmth of his body radiate through his clothing and onto my hand.

I know….

I know Hotch is watching and there is nothing I can do to stop this. I feel light headed and drugged but I've not touched anything since we found him lying here in a puddle of his own – for a change – blood.

'Where is Spencer?'

I ask it in not much more than a whisper even though he said he didn't know. I am asking again. His fingers grip my hand tighter and his nails start to dig into the back of my hand.

'I don't know. Taki has him. They – they left together.' He turns his face away from me but I catch the look on his face. The pain. The anguish.

'You can track him?'

and he turns and looks at me again. 'Not like this I can't. Are you guys going to give me time to heal up?'

I look around at the others who are all just standing looking at me. 'Prentiss a word.' And Hotch is backing away from the ground and giving me a gesture with his hand. I remove my hands from his warmth and stand up. I watch as he curls up tighter into himself and wraps his arms around his head and then I look over at Hotch who is staring back at me. I glance down at Flanders and there is a terrible pull, and urge to lay down with him and hold him and keep him safe but I shake the feeling off me and take a step back. I look at my hands and see that I am shaking. This is ridiculous. Flanders cannot possibly have this effect on me. I have no interest in him. Not in that way. Yes he fascinates me, but only because he is so complicated and full. I want to study him and I am reminded that Rossi once tried to do that, but didn't get very far. A hand on my arm pulls me back to now and Hotch is guiding me away.

'Care to explain?' He asks.

I look at his hand then up at his dark eyes. 'Explain?'

'What is going on between yourself and Flanders. What that was all about.' He gestures towards the curled up bloodied form on the ground and I almost run back over to him.

'Nothing.' I tell him, forcing myself to look away from Flanders and back at Hotch. 'I just know he can track. He can help us find Reid.'

'That is not what I meant and you know it. What is going on between the two of you?' He pulls me further away as Derek moves in towards Floyd.

'Between us? Absolutely nothing!' I give him a look of surprised horror, but I don't know how convincing it is.

'Then I will suggest you keep away from him.' I look back over at Morgan who is pushing Floyd back onto his back and taking something from a first aid kit. I want to go over there and help. I need to…no….no I want to…no…it is a need…I need to go back and take care of him. 'Prentiss!' and the hand is squeezing my arm. 'Have you listened to a word I just said?' I try to take my eyes off Morgan and Floyd but it is too hard. I have to get back there.

'I just thought I could help.' And I am looking at Hotch's hand. 'With the first aid.'

'Morgan has it. I want you to keep away from Flanders. I don't know exactly what the devil is going on here but something is not right.'

I turn so my back is to Floyd. That helps me to concentrate on what Hotch is saying to me. 'We found Reid's bloodied clothing. We found evidence that at least some of what Flanders is saying is true.' And now I am being escorted right away from the small stream with Hotch's hand firmly on my arm.

'What we have is all circumstantial. As it stands it doesn't look good for Reid but I really don't think Spencer would walk off with a virtual stranger unless he had good reason to.'

'I worry about his mental health sir.' I tell Hotch and the hand tightens all the more letting me know that this is a worry of his too. 'If he snapped, well we don't really know what he is capable of and although I am aware that we cant trust Flanders I also think it a mistake to ignore what he is saying.'

'The man is a liar.' At last he lets go of me. 'and I want you to remember that. We will be staying here for the night, maybe in the morning he can help us track.' I turn now and look back at Morgan and Flanders. Derek is standing back with his arms crossed over his chest and a look of disgust on his face. He is saying something to Floyd, but I can't catch what it is.

-o-o-o-

Soft footfalls let me know that he has returned. I've drunk the water but left the food and now I am thinking that was a mistake. I am light headed and any clear thoughts I might have had have now gone. I watch him pick up the container of rice and empty it down the drain. I want to stand up now that I have the chance but I don't. I lie there and watch him through half open eyes.

'You will eat eventually.' He tells me, but I don't answer him. I just watch. There is something beguiling about him. A lure of sorts and I am trying to figure it out. Maybe he is like Floyd. Maybe there is something he uses to pull me to him. I don't know, but I do know I can feel a want for him. 'If you don't eat, then she doesn't eat.' He tells me and had he told me that before I might have eaten it, but now the child will go hungry.

'I'm not giving in to your threats.' I tell him. Though that is a complete fabrication as I have already given into them. More than once. And would do again now if that is what he wanted.

'Then she will die. It really doesn't bother me Reid, but it will bother Floyd.'

And my half open eyes drop to tight slits as I watch him walk around my room. Still I want to get up. I could. I could get up and fight this. I'm not afraid of being hurt, but I don't. I just lay here and do nothing and I wonder what was in the water.

A new determination.

I'm not going to continue to let him do this. It is to get at Floyd. That is all this is about and if I don't comply then his plan carries less weight. I want to ask who the little girl is. She is obviously someone who means something to Floyd but I don't know who she is. He wouldn't bring her to me and show me her if she was nothing.

I don't think.

He has slowed me down by giving me whatever it was in the water but he's not stopped me, and I can see that thought running through his mind. I can see he is trying to calculate how much resistance he will get from me.

The man approaches and crouches next to me and still I lay here and just watch and silently I prepare myself. I refuse to be abused by this person…and I know the way my body is reacting to this closeness is not how it would normally. I read his body language. I wait. As soon as he relaxes and his hands drop to a less defensive posture I move.

Granted my movements are clumsy and sluggish, but they take him by surprise and my nails are still long enough to dig into the soft flesh of his pretty face and draw blood. I dig and I scratch and I push him back as I use him for leverage to get up off the floor. I hear his surprised yelp and I swing my hand around and grab for the bucket handle. I need to be able to defend myself. The man carries swords but they don't seem to be with him. I wont get another chance.

The bucket I swing high and across the side of his head and it makes a grand sound as metal meets flesh and hopefully bone but I think it puts me off balance more than it does Taki. As I stumble to the side and try to stay upright he is taking hold of me and pulling me close. Much too close to be able to use my weapon as I did before. He has his hands in my hair and he is dragging me towards the grill on the floor.

'NO!' I shout at him. I don't want to be held here again. I will fight this. I drop the bucket and my hands are on his face again, but not for long. His fist in my kidneys has me bending over and then his knee in my face stops whatever else I might have been thinking about. I feel my legs buckle under me and I feel blood flowing from my mouth and nose.

I tried.

I didn't want to just give up.

I didn't want to go down without at least trying to fight back, but with whatever it is in my system and his greater strength and skills I didn't really stand a chance.

'She will pay for what you just did.' He snaps at me. I thought he would restrain me again, but he doesn't. He leaves me lying on the floor and exits the room. I am plunged into darkness again and I stay still and listen to things crawling under my skin and I feel those ice cold fingers probing me from the inside but I keep my eyes open. I keep them open and wait and I don't have to wait long until the child's screams start up again.

-o-o-o-

I'm not sure at what point in the night it happened.

Flanders is an attention seeking sonofabitch so likely it was when he was making a fuss about one thing or another. I've never known a grown man moan as much as him. I do know when I was on watch that he talked constantly to me. I told him to sleep and he told me to do something physically impossible. If it happened when I was on watch and then it could have happened then. I really have no idea. I just know that come morning Prentiss is gone. There is no sign of a struggle. Nothing. Like she'd never been with us. Hotch is pacing and the rangers have the dogs sniffing around but there doesn't even seem to be a scent to pick up on.

'It's like she was just teleported out of here.' One of them says. 'There is no way to tell which direction she's gone in. I've never seen anything quite like it.'

'There has to be something.' Hotch says, but I think it is just him thinking aloud. He turns to me and I shake my head. I am as clueless as Hotch. We turn almost as one unit to Flanders who is sitting now against a tree with his legs crossed and his arms wrapped tightly around him self.

'Screw you.' He looks between me and Hotch. 'You are happy to except my help when you need it and equally happy for me to be dead when you don't.'

'You said you could track.' I remind him

'Go fuck your self. If I do anything it will be because I want to do it and it will be on my terms. Right now I need a smoke and I need you to stop looking at me like it was me who did something wrong.'

'You are not in the position to demand terms.' Hotch tells him.

'And you're not in the position not to offer any. What do you think I did? Crawled over to her in the night and ate her when you weren't looking. How the hell can Emily being gone have anything to do with me? How the fuck did I do it? You want my help finding her and Spence then you…then you….you offer me something.'

We turn from him and walk away. There is no way that Hotch is going to offer him anything. However much we do actually need him right now.

-o-o-o-

I didn't realise I had fallen asleep. I don't know how long I'd been laying there when the light suddenly came on again. I squint open my eyes and look over at Taki and what he has with him. The little girl and Emily Prentiss. Both are battered and bloodied. Both are looking at me. I glance between the two of them but I avoid looking at Taki. This is going to be a test of sorts. I need to keep to his rules.

'I have something for you.' He is talking to me but I still don't look at him. 'Are you not going to say Thank You?'

I say it so quietly that probably only the thing living inside me can hear it. I know at least _it _does because I feel it move around inside me and I feel its icy fingers touching and probing.

'You need to speak up Reid. They can't hear you.'

I look at Emily and then I look at the child. 'Thank you.' I say again a bit louder this time but still very quietly.

'Now the games can really start. I'm looking forward to this. Spencer – I want you to choose one of them.' And now he pulls out a sword and he places it against the side of my neck. 'Choose one of them.' He says again.

'For what?' I still avoid looking at him.

'Well, I was originally going to ask you, no tell you, I was going to tell you to fuck one of them, but I don't think I can force you to do that.'

My eyes are flickering between Emily and the child. I see Emily gives me a slight nod of assent but that is just not something I would every consider. Ever.

'So I am going to kill one of them.'

And now I look at him. 'You can't make me choose.' I tell him. Damn the rules. I'm not playing his sick game.

He looks down at me and slides the weapon gently across my skin. I feel the sudden flow of blood and I hear the double intake of breaths from Emily and the girl. 'I'm not playing your game.' I tell him. I don't put my hand to the cut though I know it is deep. I can hear it dripping onto the floor and I watch it slide slowly down the drain.

'Which one?'

And I'm looking straight at him. I wont look at the girls. I wont do this. 'I'm not playing your sick game.' I tell him and now I put my hand to my neck and keep my eyes on his. I can see where my fingernails dug into his skin. I can see where it is scabbing over and he looks at me and he smiles.

'But you are playing my game Spencer. And you play it so nicely.'

He spins.

And he slices.

And I watch for a second not able to take in what he just did.

And I throw up down the drain with my blood and the thing inside me starts to scream.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13 A Trick

A Trick

* * *

I've been sitting here sort of holding my self together. I've been listening to what they have to say but they can offer me nothing. I would like a promise that they will let me go if I find Spencer and Emily, but they won't do that and they really would have been fools if they had. I would have taken full advantage of the offer and killed indiscriminately between now and that time we find them. Alas it's not meant to be.

I light up and watch them ranting and waving arms around. The deeper I take my smoke down the deeper I can feel it healing. I can stall them. I can keep them a bay for a short while, but I'm not taking this crowd onwards with me if I can help it.

The dogs are letting off the occasional yelp but mainly only when they get too close to me. Which I find amusing but laughter hurts. I don't want to laugh right now…my head might come off…then I'll be up shit creek.

So I sit and smoke and watch and snarl when the dogs get too near and I watch some more and they watch me.

It happens differently this time.

Not the same as with Sam.

Yet I feel it – I feel it with such sudden pain that I think I must let out a noise of some sort because the two Feds turn to look at me. I keep my mouth shut but I know I'm rocking. I know I am purposefully smacking the back of my head on the tree.

I look at the two blokes and when it's obvious they aren't going to pounce on me I close my eyes tightly and let the scream escape. It escapes in a long silent wail. They mustn't know. They must never know. I can feel wetness leaking from my eyes and racing down my face so I wipe it away quickly and try to think, but Taki is making it hard for me. He is making this far more personal than it already was, which I think is the whole damned point. First Sam, and taking Spencer from me and now he has Prentiss and has taken Rosa. I don't remember doing it but at some point I have risen to my feet and a hand is on my arm.

'What is it?' Hotchner's voice.

I look up at him and shake my head. 'Get off me.' I push his hand away. 'Don't touch me. Don't come near me.' I take a few steps away from him and I am trying to decide what to do. If I go storming the place with this lot he will just slaughter Spencer out of hand. He won't care by then, his job will be done. He will have taken everything which is mine. I think back. I think a long way back when my only love was the princess a Frankenstein child but I loved her…but it didn't matter…she wasn't real…this time…now…I have this weakness and Taki is using it.

There are a few things I could do. I could kill this lot then move out to find Spencer. I know the basic direction I need to go in. Really it wont take much to find him. Taki knows this but then I cant blame this lot of deaths on Spence. There is also the risk that I might, just might, in the weakened condition I'm in right this second, I might you know, not win and that's a risk I'm none too willing to take.

What I need to do is get away from them.

I light up again and look at the diminishing pile of smokes. I will have to replenish that somehow at some point.

I need Spence.

I need to hold him and smell him.

I need to push my face in his hair and breathe him in and feel him pressing against me.

I need to get to him.

'I need a slash.' I tell them as I suck in the smoke. I spit the butt out and put my hand to my neck. It is sore and sticky but not deadly. Not now anyway. I put my hand to the hole in my side and again it is sticky but not with anything fresh. I really do need to pee though so this is my chance. I start to do it here. You know, in the clearing, with them watching.

'Can you go somewhere else and do that?' The voice of Morgan, and I knew he'd say something. I knew it. Predictable little man. I turn and walk away – and I walk away from the direction I know Spence is in. I can feel him…I can feel he is behind me now. I walk to the small line of trees and look quickly behind me. They are watching me. Keeping a careful eye on me. I do have a pee. There into the undergrowth, but I don't turn back and return to the party in the forest.

One step forward.

One to the side.

I hear my name being called, but by then I'm moving. I'm moving fast and I'm moving on all fours. I run like the very wind its self. My feet and hands hardly touching the forest floor…my scent I push out behind me to mask and confuse. I keep going straight, almost, I round trees and I by pass things but I keep in a general straight direction.

Then I stop. I stop and I lay my scent for them. Something for the dogs to find. I make it nice and obvious for them by snapping twigs and then with their voices in the distance I move off again this time I am upright and my feet move fast. They move sure and the dogs will no more be able to track me than they could Taki.

I am off at a tangent and moving back on myself. Faster and faster. The plant life leaps out of the way as I sweep through now finally feeling Spencer at my front again.

He has killed my sweet little Rosa and I don't know how I am going to repay him for this. I don't know what I will do or be capable of doing until I reach my babes. I might have to just get him out and leave revenge for another time.

I know my options are limited.

I know Taki is luring me.

I know that is how he got Sam. I'm not Sam though. Well I am, but I'm not so easily fooled and Spence has Sam in him ready for when I get him back again.

All I need to do now is remember that I am not at full strength and that Taki is.

-o-o-o-

I stand with my back against the wall and just look at the scene in front of me. Whoever this person is and he hasn't introduced himself yet has left the three of us alone. My arms are at my side and the back of my head is pressed hard against the wall. I look at Reid who is kneeling on the floor being sick down a drain. I can hear him crying. I think. I think that is what the sound is. He is rocking back and forth on his hands and knees and he is bringing up food he must have eaten a long time ago. Thick drools of green slime is slipping from between his lips. I can see his eyes are open. I can see tears, but I don't know if they are from anger and frustration or from sadness of what just happened.

Now I glance at the child. He took her head off. Completely off. He stabbed into her chest and then kicked her two separate parts out of the way. He told me that it is my turn next, but he is going to have fun first. He is going to play first and he ran a very long fingernail down the side of my face.

And what did I do?

How did I react?

I just stood there and let him do it.

I stood and listened to the howling coming from Reid.

I leaned on the wall to stop myself from falling over and I let him touch me. I let him move his hand down my chest and across my hips and I tipped my head back and let him.

I don't know why.

I don't know why I let him do that to me and in a way I wish I was Spencer. I wish I too was on my hands and knees and giving in to the need to vomit and scream.

Now we are alone.

I try not to keep looking at what remains of the child. I bite on my bottom lip and I wipe my sweaty palms on the side of my pants legs and I take in a deep shuddering breath. I have to help him. I have to get him to stop what he is doing and listen to me. We have to get the hell out of this place.

He is curled up on his side now and he is just laying there staring out into nothing. I walk slowly forward until I can crouch down and reach out to him with my shaking hand.

'Spencer.' I say it quietly, but he doesn't react. 'Spencer!' and I shake him gently, but still he doesn't react. 'Reid! Snap out of it. We have to get out of here.'

'He will kill me.' His voice is so low it is hardly even a whisper. 'I tried to protect her Emily. I tried.'

I move around so I am behind him and then I sit with my legs crossed. I then take a hold of Reid's shoulders and pull him towards me. He doesn't resist. He lets me do it and rests his head on my lap. He is shaking and his skin is cold but sweaty. I push my fingers through his damp hair. 'Reid we have to get out of here.'

'We can't. We have to wait now. Now it's too late.' He is rocking again and now I can see he his scratching at his chest and stomach. Digging his nails in and making his skin bleed. I put my hands over his to stop him and for a little while he does. His hands are still. In tight fists against his chest. I knew Spencer was a skinny guy, but I didn't realise how thin until now and that skinny bony body is covered in sores and bruises. I can see along his right side where feet have made contact with his ribs. I can see the bleeding under the skin.

'It's not too late.' I need to keep his moral up. I have to stop this decline I can see in him before it is too late.

He turns around so he is lying on his back, his head still resting on my lap. 'Emily, you saw what he did. If he will do that to her then he will have no problem taking from us what he wants. Please believe me. Don't fight him on it.' I'm not sure if Reid is saying what I think he is, but if thinks I am going to let some weird samurai rape me with no protest then he needs to think again. I run my fingers down the side of his face.

'Is that what he did to you?' He holds his hands up for me to see. At first I think its his bloodied fingertips and nails he is showing me and then I see the bruises on his wrists. 'He restrained you? He raped you?' But he doesn't answer, he puts his hands back to his chest and he is scratching at his pale skin again. 'You need to stop doing that Reid.' But this time he pushes my hands away from him.

'I need to do this Emily so Sam can get out.'

And now I am puzzled. Is there more than one Sam?

'Get out? Where is he?'

But he stops communicating with me now. The only things he says are words telling me to leave him alone. When I try again to move his hands from the cuts on his chest he pushes away from me and crawls back to next to the drain. I can see blood on the back of the sarong he is wearing. I can see where he has been abused but there is nothing I can do to help him now. All I can do is keep up a gentle barrage of words so that he knows I am still here, but if the point of this exercise was to break Reid then he has likely succeeded.

I watch him rocking gently and occasionally being sick. I listen to the strange noises he is making for about an hour. Then the door opens and the guy walks in.

-o-o-o-

I know he's come for Prentiss. I cant let that happen. He's done this to me, I wont let him do this to her too. I've failed in protecting the girl, I swear I will die to keep his hands off Emily. I don't look at his face. I am careful. I need to play his sick game. I roll onto my hands and knees but I keep my head down. I cant look at him. If I look at him he will know he has failed. And he has. He has failed. I'm not as broken as he thinks I am. The Reid part of me might have been destroyed, but the Sam part of me isn't going to let him hurt anyone else.

'What do you want dog?' and he spits on the floor between my hands. I want to flinch away from it. Part of me wants to curl up and keep my back tight against the wall, but no, I can't, I have to do this. I have to keep his attention away from Prentiss.

I crawl slowly towards him, mindful to keep my head down. I reach out and touch his left foot with my right hand and I am waiting. I am sure he will start to kick but he doesn't. He stands and lets me do it. I don't know what Emily is doing. I don't want her to be watching, but at the same time it's not going to stop me doing this if it means he will leave her alone. I move my hand to his leg and I crawl in closer.

'You want me?'

His voice. I don't know how it makes me feel. It is a beautiful voice I know that and the sound of it makes my stomach twist and my hand hold tighter to his leg. Still he doesn't move so I move in even closer and crawl my way up his legs with both hands. I need desperately to distract him from Emily. I need to give her this chance, maybe her only chance to get away. I just hope she realises that is what I am doing. The part of me which has closed down and vacated is screaming. I can hear it in my head. It is howling at me to stop what I am planning here. It is telling me I will throw up. It is telling me…..

_Filth._

_Scum_

_Pervert_

_Freak_

_Dog_

But it's not going to stop that other part of me, that part which is excited and willing to give myself to the man who just decapitated a small child. I can feel him inside me manipulating my hands to do what he wants me to do. I still keep my face down and I lick my lips greedily as my hand brushes against the front of Taki's clothing.

'Say please.' I am told and a hand rests on the top of my head and I feel the fingers twisting in my hair. Somewhere a small groan of need escapes from between my lips.

'Please.' I am begging him like a common whore.

-o-o-o-

At first I don't know what Reid is doing. I slowly get to my feet though as I see him moving in and touching the guy standing there. I don't want this to be happening. I don't want to watch Spencer give this guy a blow job and I can clearly see that is what is going down here. I can see the way this person has complete control of Spencer and I want to run in and drag him away but that isn't going to help either of us. I watch. I watch the back of Reid's head for a short while and then move my eyes upwards to the face which is looking down at Reid. He is not paying any attention to me. I can see the perfect mouth is open slightly and gradually the eyes close and the head tips back. I need to get out but I am held here watching this display. Watching Reid degrade himself to this extreme for me, to give me the chance to get away. I see the guys other hand move over and rest on Spencer's head and now I am moving. I move fast to the door and pull it open and I am out and I am running. I will get help. I will come back with a weapon. I will come back…I promise. I will come back for you Spencer.

I hope he knows.

-o-o-o-

She's gone.

But I don't stop.

Actually now she is gone I can relax into this and let my inner self take over and do this. I can feel Taki shudder under my hands. I rest one on a hip and slide the other around to behind him, to keep him in place. To keep him still. I need to make it last. I want to make it last…not just so that Emily can get further away, but because I am enjoying this.

I know I will pay for it.

I know he is going to be cross.

I have a feeling I might join the child dead in the corner of the room for doing this. I have, hopefully tricked him. I have….

Oh god this is so good.

I show him all the tricks Floyd has shown me.

I need to show him what a dirty slut I am. That is the only way he is going to let me live after this. I am going to have to give him better than he thought possible.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14 Breaking Rules

Breaking Rules

* * *

She would have run straight by me if I'd not leapt out and grabbed her by the back of her combat pants. 'Emily.' I hiss at her and

'Oh my god…oh god…oh god.'

Is how she responds. She twists around and I let go of her and let her stand and stare at me.

'Oh for gods sake it's you.' And I see relief on her face which she shouldn't be feeling seeing me cos I want to do her…

Damnit. Always the wrong time and place to have a bit of Emily. I can see the dirty sweat on her face. I can see blood under her nose. I can see damp patches under her arms…and I can smell her. Something so special about the smell of dear Emily. She leans forward slightly and puts her hands on her knees and she takes long deep breaths.

'So how long have you been running for?' I pull my last smoke out and look at it. I'll save it for later. I'll save it as a celebratory smoke after I get Spence. Hey…I can use it as my post fuck smoke…the three of us? Maybe? Maybe not. I don't think I want to see her with Spencer. I will have to keep them apart for that game.

'I don't know. I'm not sure. A long time.' A hand comes up and wipes sweat off her face. I just stand and look at her.

'And Taki had you?' I tip my head slightly to the side as images flash through my mind. Every last one of them dirty. 'Did he fuck you Emily?' but she stands up straight and frowns at me.

'No – look I have to find the others. Where is everyone?' The situation is sinking in I think. Out of the frying pan and into the fire so to speak.

'I dunno.' I tell her and that is the truth. I really don't know.

'Well how did you get here?' and now she is looking alarmed. Now the she looks like she understands.

I shrug at her and turn to look back the way she came. 'Spencer was there?' I ask her. I know he was. I can smell him on her, but she doesn't answer me. 'How did you get away Emily?' I turn back to her and move a step closer. She is rubbing the palms of her hands manically on the sides of her legs. 'How did you manage that Emily? Where is Spencer? You ran and left him there?'

Her hands are running through her hair now...pushing it back off her face. I can see the bruise and I can still see the blood under her nose. She doesn't answer me though. So with a flicked raise of my eyebrows I take another step forward.

'You left him behind?'

Her hands reach out and she presses her palms against my chest pushing me back, or rather preventing me from getting closer. 'It wasn't like that.' She is trying to keep looking at me and looking for everyone else at the same time. I push her hands off me.

'Don't you be touching me girly. Not unless you want me touching you back.' And so I lift my hand to her chest level slightly cupped hands forward. I wouldn't. I really wouldn't. It's of no interest to me but she doesn't know that. A quick step back puts her out of my reach and I give her a lovely smile. Then pick crap out from between my teeth with my fingernails. 'So are you going to tell me where he is? Are you going to tell me how you got away and not him? Are you planning on lying to me Emily? You don't look like you trust me.'

'Where is everyone?' She is a persistent little whore.

I step back and shake my head. 'Told you, I don't know. Where is Spencer? Where is Rosa?'

'The little girl? Oh Floyd.' Her eyes are big and damp and as I nod slowly and say the name 'Rosa' again but silently, I can see a tear escape from her eye and run down that dirty cheek of hers and I want to go and lick it off but I can't. Not now. Not if I want to keep this Emily feeling sorry for me.

'My daughter.' I tell her and her mouth is working, trying to say something but I can see she doesn't know how to tell me she is dead. It's OK. I know…I know she's dead, but Emily doesn't know I know…I will allow her to suffer for a while. I will see if she has it in her to tell me what happened and why the fuck she is here in one bit when Rosa and Sam are both gone and Spencer is – Spencer is……….

I frown and take a step in the direction Emily had come from.

'I'm so sorry Floyd. There was nothing I could do.'

'Of course not.'

'You believe me?'

'You would lie to me Emily?'

I take a few more steps forward. Something is wrong. Spencer. Something is wrong with Spencer.

'No, no I wouldn't lie to you Floyd.'

'I didn't think so. Now Emily. After he killed my little Rosa…and you stood and did nothing, what exactly, and I want details now, what did Spence do to distract Taki enough for you to get away?'

I hear the intake of breath. 'It wasn't his choice Floyd.'

'Yes it was Emily. Of course it was his fucking choice. I thought you wouldn't lie to me Agent Prentiss.'

'Please, he did it for me.' She is close behind me now. I can smell that smell of woman. I can feel her whore's breath on the back of my neck.

'He enjoyed it.' I say quietly. Much for the feeling…you know, for atmosphere. I know he enjoyed it…I can taste it. I know what he did.

'He's not well Floyd.' Her hand is on my shoulder. 'If he enjoyed it then it was because he is not well. I know he didn't want to do that. I know. I could see.'

'You watched?' The hand tightens on my shoulder.

'Floyd.' I can smell her fear.

'You watched my boy suck off Taki and then walked away? What was he doing with his hands Emily? I need to know. And I told you not to touch me.' Her hand snaps back away from me.

'How did you know?' She is talking very quietly or my head is being noisy. I put my hands to my ears and close my eyes.

'I can taste it. I can smell it.' And so I walk away following the path Emily made through the forest and I wonder how far behind me they are.

'Floyd.' She says it like she would if I was making slowly passionate love to her…she breathes it over her teeth and across her lips.

'Go home Emily. Keep going the way you were going. They're not too far behind. A few hours probably.'

'I'll come with you.' I keep walking and pulling at leaves and small twigs as I go by them.

'I'm sure you would darling, but we don't have time. Go find Hotchner and that sweet bunny Morgan. You will get in the way. I cant afford to be watching out for you too.'

I start running now and I think I hear my name being called for a short while. A panicked fearful voice, but I ignore it and I certainly move faster then she can catch me.

-o-o-o-

'Dirty little slut.' He says. I'm still gripping hold of him. I don't want to let him go yet. I need to keep his attention on me. I need to make sure she is far enough away for it not to be easy to just grab her back again. I finish what I was doing and still his hands are in my hair. I try to relax a bit. I don't know what he wants now. Mindful to keep my eyes away from him I look inside myself. The think inside me will tell me what to do. I rest back on my heels and run my hands down the outside of his legs. He is athletic. I can feel the muscles. Not really my thing to be honest, but I think I am his thing. I watch his feet move around to my side. His hands are still in my hair and now pulling my head back.

'I could break your neck you little whore.'

It wasn't a question. I don't need to answer it. I place my hands on the floor in front of me and adjust the way I am sitting. I have to relax for him.

'Do you know why some people like screwing the dead?' This time it was a question and not one I know the answer to,

'No.' I tell him. I don't want to say too much. I don't want him to hear the fear or is it disgust, whatever it is, I don't want him to hear it in my voice. This is my voice not the one inside me.

'The fresh kill Spencer. The smell. It has a special smell to it. For some people this smell is such a turn on that it is the only thing which can let them perform. That wonderful smell.'

Oh god. Oh please no. I stay silent. I can't speak now if I wanted to.

'The gasses escape slowly Spencer. The muscles twitch and contract. There really is nothing quite like it.'

That cold voice inside of me is laughing and I realise that my nose is suddenly bleeding and my mouth is slightly open and I am drooling down the drain I am on bended knee in front of.

'They never protest. They never moan. Well actually sometimes they do. As the air escapes but it's not a moan of complaint Spencer, it is one of pleasure.'

I am rocking slightly back and forth and the hand is still hard in my hair and my head is pulled hard back with my neck horribly exposed.

'And if the thing you are screwing has been bleeding, then all the better.'

I let out a small moan of my own at this. He is going to kill me. I know he is. Like he did the child. He is going to kill me then abuse me. I can taste blood I my mouth where it has slid back down my nose into the back of my throat. I swallow as best I can but it makes me choke. Still he wont let go and my coughing builds up as he jerks my head back harder. Now my hands come off the floor and I try to twist around so the pressure is less on my neck. I can't breathe.

As I move he moves with me and I can hear him laughing. A sinister chuckle. A deep down noise.

'What's wrong Spencer? Can't you breathe my sweet? Having a few problems are you?'

And as suddenly as it started it stops. His hands are gone from my hair and he is pushing my shoulders forwards and down and pulling at the cloth I have tied around me.

'You smell of death already Spencer. You smell good. Very good. Is this what Floyd sees in you? Do you whore like this for him? You need to answer me Spencer. You need to say something.'

I can feel him pressing against me and I need to relax but I am still coughing and now spitting up blood. It's OK. I am beyond pain there now. I know I am bleeding. Almost immediately I am bleeding. It is the only lubricant he uses as he tears into me again. The force of him pushes me on the floor. His hands on my hips hold me in place and pull my closer. I don't want to respond to him. I don't want this, but I am coughing and I think that is what is giving him his pleasure. Not a voluntary thing on my behalf, but it's giving him more pleasure than if I was pushing back willingly.

He's not there for long. He pushes me away from him and lets me fall to the floor in a torn still coughing tangle. I can smell the blood. I can smell what he just did to me and that secret voice inside me is crying…and the cold one is happy. It's not laughing, it is relaxed and content.

'You did good. He will be here soon.'

I wipe the blood away from my nose and from around my mouth and I turn to him still lying on the floor, I turn to him and look him directly in the eyes. 'What? What do you mean?'

I am beyond his rules now. There is no point anymore. I know what he has decided. He's told me. He's just not carried out the final deed yet.

'She will have left a beautiful trail for Floyd to follow straight back here. I can show him his daughter.' I watch as he walks over to the dead child and he picks up the head and with a clip on his belt he attaches it to his clothing by the long dark hair.

'That's not his daughter.' I say this but I don't know. I don't know if it is or not. I have to try to put doubt in this monsters head. I have to try to weaken him somehow and I cant do it physically. I can feel blood running now. I can feel it trickling down the back of my legs and I wonder what damage he has done to me. Staying down on my hands and knees I move around in a half circle so I can keep watching him. I see the head hanging there. The dead eyes are open and staring. Accusing me. Pointing out my failure to keep her safe.

'Edmund Kemper.'

I flinch at the name.

'A monster.' I look at him and nod. I know who he is. He carries on talking to me. 'He liked to decapitate. Dissect, and fuck…and then eat parts of them.' He is stroking the head of the child as I keep my eyes firmly on his face. If he is trying to worry me with his words and actions then it's working. 'I'll wait though. I want him to see me do it.' He walks over to me now and makes a grab for me.

I'm not going to just sit here and let him slaughter me. I'm going to fight this. I have learned some things both in my job and my relationship, and one of those things is how to fight back when faced with something like this. My words aren't going to faze him and so I go back to what I did before. As he reaches for me I lash out. I scratch. I kick and I punch and I dig my nails in and tear at him. I'm not careful or bothered that it's his eyes I am trying to get. I can feel his is responding to this with his own punches and kicks. Big kicks from powerful limbs but I'm already on the floor there isn't really anywhere else for me to go. The kicks to my head make the room start to spin. I know my attack is weakening and my fingers are no longer digging in. The kick to my abdomen has me curling around my self on the floor and my arms wrapping around my head in an attempt to stop him.

I don't know why.

I should just get it over with.

Let him do it.

It will spoil his game if I break the rules.

And so as he batters at me and bends over me to pull my arms away I let him. I turn so I am on my back and I just lay there and I look at him. 'Go on then.' I whisper between bloodied mashed lips. 'Do it.'

And he does.

I didn't think he would.

I thought I called his bluff.

But I was wrong.

I miscalculated.

I made a big mistake. I didn't see until it was too late.

I didn't see Floyd standing there watching until the foot smashed down on my throat.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15 Desperate Times

Desperate Times

**A/N: ICK !**

* * *

'Smart Move Otikami.'

I am standing with my arms folded and I am leaning on the edge of this undersized door. I am trying to take in everything at once and it's making me raise an eyebrow.

This Taki Otikami I thought was good at his job. I thought I was going to have a problem with him but I saw what he did and I can smell what he did. I can smell his filth and Spencer's blood. I can see the way Spence is looking at me. His mouth is open and filling with bubbling blood and his limbs are twitching; his back arching off the floor. He is looking at me and I can't quite get that expression. I don't know what that one means.

I see part of Rosa lying in the corner with other bits of junk and rubbish. Discarded. I see Taki turn slowly to look at me and there on his belt hangs my girl's head. That's OK.

I try to keep my eyes now between Taki and Spencer. The noises Spence is making are echoing back behind me and rattling down the passage way in the strange acoustics this place has. He can't breathe. I can see that…I can see him trying to move and not being able to.

'You can't kill him like that.' I tell Taki and with one hand I push away from the door frame and stand watching him. My hands now at my sides. My heels together. My brain fired up ready.

'He is just dirty scum Flanders. He won't live much longer. You were too late.'

I nod at him and tear my eyes from Spencer who is, I think, looking at me for help. I can see from here the strange bluish tint to the skin under the blood he is drooling out of his mouth. He would be dead. Normally, if this was normal, which it's not, he would be dead, but I gave him something extra didn't I? and that something extra can't be killed, not like that, and that something extra will keep its host alive. I'm not sure Spence knows that though, and it seems Taki didn't know either.

'But Taki, you took my Sam and my Rosa and though I can forgive you for thinking that hurting Spencer would bother me, which it doesn't, I'm not going to let you get away with taking my kids. You hurt my babies.' And I move forward slightly. 'You scared them Taki, my little kids. You took my little girl from where she was loved and cared for and you raped and hurt her before taking her life, and that puts you below even me.' I know he can remove my head with one swipe of his demon blades, but he won't. I know he won't, cos that is not what he is being paid to do. If that was what this was all about then I would have been taken out long before now. This is something else. This is meant to drag me down and it's starting to work.

The gurgling choking sounds are dying off. I think he's finally realised that he doesn't need to breathe right now. Just stay with the program Spence, Sam will keep you alive.

'Where she was loved and cared for? When did you last have contact with your whore of a daughter? She was a bit of filth. Like everything of yours. Like this here.' He kicks backwards and his heel makes contact with Spencer's faces and makes a nasty cracking sound. The twitching has stopped now. He is just lying there bleeding and going blue.

'Don't.' I step forward again. 'He never did anything to harm you Taki, why take it out on him?' Another step.

I want to take his attention off Spence and onto me.

-o-o-o-

I don't understand.

I felt him crush my throat.

I felt the bones snap.

I tired to take a breath, but I couldn't.

I tried to move my arms and legs to get away, but I couldn't.

And that thing inside me held me. I could feel it. Holding me. Talking to me. _It's OK Spence. Relax – let me deal with it now…let go _So I did.

I can't hear what Floyd is saying. I equally can't hear Taki, there is a strange noise in my ears and I think it's the thing inside me keeping me safe. Breathing for me and I can feel my heart pounding. The kick. The kick to my face I wasn't expecting that. Not that I could have avoided it. I feel the odd way my neck snaps back and I feel a strange tingling in my arms and legs and then nothing. So yes, I am lying here wondering if this Taki person has broken my neck.

I want to talk to Floyd.

I want him to understand why I did it.

I need him to know, but I can't move my mouth, even if I could talk. I watch in silence, my silence not theirs. I hear them. I see them. Floyd is on Taki and there is blood suddenly everywhere. They are strangely entwined around each other but they keep going out of my line of sight. I try again to move but I cant and my head it at such a ridiculous angle now that I can mostly only see the wall.

Oh

I can't see blood spray. It hits the wall in a huge crimson arch and splatters back at me. I watch it crawl down the wall, but I don't know who it came from.

Help me Sam….help me help Floyd. I need to do something, but he prods at my heart and slides up and down my spine until I can feel that I have a terrific headache and again my arms and legs are tingling.

I can see them!

Both of them on the floor. Rolling over and over and screaming. I can hear the howls they are both making but there are no words, just screaming yowls from deep inside of them. I watch Floyds hand come up and repeatedly hit, over and over on Taki's jaw. I watch the other man with his legs wrapped around Floyd catching him in the face again and over again with an elbow or a fist, and I can see blood.

Blood being spat from mouths and dripping from ears and noses.

Then there is nothing. Complete silence and stillness. I can just about see them. A tangled mess of blood and flesh but neither or them are moving. Please Floyd move. Please.

I'm sorry.

Oh god I'm so sorry.

Please be alright.

-o-o-o-

He's not dead.

I can't kill something like this. Not with teeth and nails, but I have stopped him for now. Slowly I move off from him, pushing his legs off me where they had curled around me trying to hold on and keep me in place. It worked, but not well enough. He has ripped bits of me. He was trying to get to my heart and liver but I avoided it. For now I avoided it, but he has torn at my flesh and I don't think I'm going anywhere fast. I'm going to need a few hours and I don't know if I have that long. I crawl away from the mess Taki and I both made and make my way to Spencer.

'Hey.' And I touch the side of his face. 'It's OK I'm here now. He can't hurt you.'

I will have to punish my Spence. I will have to show him how fucking angry I am that he enjoyed being raped and he actually wanted to give him that blow job, but there is no fun, absolutely no fun in hurting someone who you have to be careful with and equally no damned fun all the time Sam's in there protecting him. I will. When the time is right, I will show this filthy bit of scum how impressed I am with his sluttish behaviour. Now though I can't. Now I can't show him.

I lay down next to him. Spence is still lying on his back but his head is at all the wrong angle. I have to fix that for him… For Sam. I gently pull his head around so he is looking straight up at the ceiling and stroke his hair for a while.

'Give it a little bit Spence. You will feel better soon, then we have to go. We can't stay here.' My hand takes his and I am hoping to feel those long fingers wrap around my hand but they don't. Come on Sam. Fix him. Don't fuck up again, this is a second chance for you.

-o-o-o-

He jumps when I put my hand on his arm.

'Floyd.' I say it quietly, not sure how he is going to react to my being here with him. I look at Spencer and he looks very dead. There is blood all over his face and horrible bruising coming up around his neck and shoulders. As Floyd doesn't react further to me I step over them both and crouch down on the floor the other side of Reid. Floyd has his arm draped over Spencer's chest. There is blood everywhere, in pools and puddles on the floor. I put a hand on Spencer's chest next to Floyd's hand and I'm more than a little surprised to feel a heart beating in his chest.

'Spencer.' Again my voice doesn't go much beyond a whisper. 'Floyd, talk to me. What the hell happened here?' But again it is just silence. I get up again and start to walk over to Taki who is in his own little puddle of red ooze.

'Emily. Don't.'

And I turn back to see Flanders looking at me. 'What the hell happened?'

'It doesn't matter. Just you – you need to help me out here, but that sonofabitch's not dead. Don't go near him. Stay here with Spencer. I need to do something.'

I turn back and kneel down next to Reid again. 'What happened?' I put my fingers on Spencer's neck. 'What happened to his neck Floyd?' I don't want to be suspicious but when I left Reid was OK…and now it looks like he has a broken neck and out here in the middle of nowhere there will be no help coming at anytime soon.

'Just stay with him. I need to do something.'

I nod and carefully pick up one of Reid's hands and hold it tightly to my chest. I really don't know how he is going to survive this. His lips have taken on a horrible almost purple colour and as Floyd moves away I can see the thing which has been puzzling me but only now I can see it. He's not breathing.

How long I am here for I don't know. I am lost in a world of horror and grief. I really can't see how Reid is going to survive this and it is taking all my inner strength not to let my walls down. I need them up. I need them strong because without them I crumble and this is neither the time nor the place for that to happen.

'How is he?'

Floyd's voice comes from the other side of the room but I don't look over at him. My eyes are itchy and sore and now they are watery too. So with my free hand I rub at them with my finger tips. 'He is dying. What do you want to me to say Floyd? That everything is OK? That you did a good job?'

I think I said the wrong thing.

I think I riled him a bit.

He is back next to me and pulling me back away from Spencer. 'Then leave him. Get out and leave us. I told you to find the rest; you could have found the others and brought them here! Why are you such a stupid stubborn whore Prentiss!?' He is pushing me back so fast that my feet hardly touch the floor. He pushes me against the wall….One hand on my chest and the other around my neck. 'He is not dying Emily. He is going to be fine!' His spit sprays over my face, a mixture of phlegm and blood splatters on my cheeks.

'He has a broken neck.' I hiss back at him and put my hand around the one on my neck. Funnily, or not funnily however you want to see this, he's not hurting me. He is just letting me know.

'Sam can fix it.' His face is so close to mine that I can feel his lips touch mine. 'And it will be OK. It will be just fucking fine Emily.'

'He's dead.' I tell him and I am looking straight into his eyes and the though of bringing my knee up into his groin crosses my mind briefly but I don't think that would be the wisest move ever.

'Sam can help him.'

He doesn't understand. 'I meant Sam.'

And he looks at me and frowns and steps back letting go of me. 'You don't understand. You don't have the full picture. There is a lot more going on than you realise. Sam – Sam is OK…as ok as can be expected..

'Floyd, that Taki person, killed him. He's dead.' But he turns his back on me and looks over at Spencer.

'Are you going to help me or not?'

I sigh. 'We can't move him Floyd. He has a broken neck.'

'Sam is fixing it.'

'Sam can't fix it Floyd. You are not listening to me.'

He turned and looked at me and he shrugged.

When I wake up I've been stripped of my combat pants and vest top and placed in a corner of the room. My jaw hurts.

-o-o-o-

I love the forest.

The smells and the sounds.

The feel of the ground under my feet.

It's been a long journey and I have Spencer thrown over my shoulder and the bits of Rosa and Sam's head which I found are wrapped in blankets and I'm dragging them behind me.

It's dark now.

So I allow myself a rest. I drop Spencer down and let go of the blanket.

I have a plan.

A ragged plan, but it is one none the less. Rosa – she can't stay here. I need to return her, but I can't do that yet. Sam. That is more of a problem as I don't have all of his bits, but I do have his life force, or rather Spencer does and there is my next problem. If I let Sam leave then Spence will die. Let's face these facts; I did leave the boy behind. I was lured by a blow job. I remember it well. So, with these things in mind I have to remember that Sam is going to be pissed with me. However, if I leave him where he is for now he will gradually heal Spence. He can't let his host die. How well he will fix him I don't know. That I think will depend on how hard I try to get the body back again.

I lay Spencer down and crouch next to him. Carefully I wipe stray strands of hair off his face. I don't know if he can hear me but I tell him anyway. 'He's gonna come back again you know. He won't give up. Its honour you know. He wont stop until he is called off…like some animal. I need to sort it out. Find out who put out the contract and sort it. Until then though I'm going to keep you safe. I might have to keep you away from people. I might have to take you somewhere and keep you just for me. You don't mind being just for me do you Spencer? I can bring in guys every now and then if you need something else to suck on…I know you like variety. You don't mind do you babes?'

I roll him over onto his front and I take him hard. It's like having a corpse in a way. I love him like this. Totally compliant. I like him struggling too…I also like variety, but right now this is good. I can do what I want and he doesn't protest. Neither does he tell me how good I am, but he doesn't need to tell me that.

I have this advantage you see…I heal really quickly, myself and him, so though I rip into him and there is blood it doesn't matter cos by the morning he will be ok. And doubly so now Sam….

…….Sam……Sam is here too….I am fucking my son.

Oh well.

Desperate times and all.

-o-o-o-

I can hear him.

I can feel him.

I want to respond to him.

But all I can do is lay there and let him take me.

When he turns me over again I can see him looking down at me…and his mouth touches so gently upon mine, and slowly I am able to let my lips move slightly. Just so he knows. So he knows I want this.

So he knows –

'I'm sorry.' I whisper

'I know babes…I know.'

* * *


	16. Chapter 16 Coffee and Cigarettes

Coffee and Cigarettes

**A/N: A transcript of an informal interview between Hotch and Prentiss: And some private thoughts. A short bridging chapter.**

* * *

**So how well do you know Flanders?**

Not as well as people seem to think I do. It's not like we were friends. No, definitely not lovers. I am not his type. He is not mine. That wasn't part of it.

Are you recording this interview?

I need to smoke.

I know.

I know I don't usually smoke, but right now I need to.

Hotch, people change. You know that as well as I do.

How well do I know him? I know him well enough to know he loves and he hates and has not much in the middle. I know him well enough to know he loves his kids. I don't know if he would die for them. I don't know. I don't know if he would die for Spencer, for Reid. I know he would risk his life for him. But actually give up his life for him? That I don't know.

He would sacrifice his children for him.

I don't know. It's just a feeling, I just feel that he would. Nothing about that man is normal though.

**He can read your mind.**

I don't think so. I really don't think he can do that.

**How is he always one step ahead.**

That's not mind reading. That's cunning. Deceit. Animal instincts. Something like that.

**He didn't hurt you.**

Yes, yes he punched me Hotch. It hurt. He took my clothing. That hurt too, in a psychological way. You are still thinking that there is something between the two of us.

**You are telling me that there never has been?**

I am telling you that there isn't now. I think every man and woman who has ever met him has had a thing for him in some manner. Don't you?

**I need to know if you have had a relationship with Flanders.**

I told you the answer to that already. No, Hotch he is not my type and I am not his.

**Why is this.**

I am female.

And I am alive.

**What do you mean by that.**

That he is gay. He wants Reid. He is not interested in be for that.

**Carry on – tell me what.**

I need to smoke.

I'm not sure what you want me to tell you. For some reason he trusts me. I don't know why. I've never given him reason to. Then I don't think I've given him reason to distrust me either.

A smoke now please.

**You don't smoke Prentiss. Tell me about Flanders trust issues.**

I told you people change. A cigarette now would be good.

Thank you.

Flanders trust issues? I'm not sure I understand. You mean him trusting me, or in general.

**Maybe with Reid. Does he trust Reid?**

Absolutely.

Without a doubt. He trusts him completely. I would say even when he doesn't deserve it.

**Tell me more. Are you saying that Reid shouldn't be trusted.**

Am I under arrest?

I am saying that Spen – Reid has done things which surprised me. Things to get his own way. To manipulate.

**Sit down Prentiss.**

I find it easier to get my thoughts together if I can pace.

**Tell me what he did. How did you get away from Taki. I need to know.**

Reid distracted him. He was battered and bleeding, he couldn't walk, he crawled to Taki and distracted him. I couldn't take him with me. It wasn't possible. I waited until I knew the man wasn't paying attention to me and I got out and I ran. I couldn't take Reid with me. He knew that. That is why he did what he did.

**Which was?**

Hell! He had his back to me Hotch! I don't know what he did. Really I wasn't looking at what he was doing, but more of what Taki was.

Another smoke please.

**If you sit and talk calmly. And I need to know what he did. It's important.**

Fine. I think he gave him a blow job Hotch! Are you happy now.

**Thank you. So you ran. What then?**

I don't know how long I ran for. I just ran. When someone grabbed me from behind I thought it was Taki, but it was Floyd. He asked me if Spencer…if Reid was all right. He asked me about the girl. Rosa. He wanted to know about her. I told him it was too late for her, but as far as I knew Reid was OK. He told me to go back and find you. He knew what Spencer, what Reid had done. I don't know how but he did. I just know he already knew about it. He was tense. He was angry, but he didn't hurt me. I thought he would. He was acting strangely.

**So what happened? You didn't come back to find us.**

I didn't know where you were. I was in the middle of a forest alone, and suddenly I realised how insane this all was. Floyd had run off again, he went the way I had come from. I took a few minutes to think about what to do next. I didn't know how to find you, but I did know how to get back to Sp – Reid and Floyd. Now that Floyd was going to be there is didn't seem as dangerous.

**So you followed him back after Reid had done something to let you escape? You just decided to ignore that sacrifice and go back?**

It was hardly a sacrifice, as I see it he was enjoying it.

**Sit.**

As I was saying. He wasn't coerced into it Hotch. He did it of his own volition and he seemed to enjoy it.

**Do you know what you are implying?**

That Reid is a slut? Yes I know. But there has to be something Flanders sees in him. He was able to distract Taki. That must be his thing.

**End of interview. Time 14:16**

-o-o-o-

'I can go?' I snatch up the pack of cigarettes off the table and light up another.

'No. I want to talk to you Emily. Just the two of us. Off the record.'

He sits down on the chair the other side of the table in the interview room.

'Hotch, I'm really tired. Can't this wait?' I take a drag from the smoke.

He places his palms on the table and looks at me. 'There was no child at the scene.'

'She was there. About ten years old maybe younger. She looked like a small female Flanders. You could see what, who she is, was. She was standing next to me an the man took her head off Hotch, do you think I would make a mistake like that?'

'Crime Scene people have back test results. The blood at the scene.'

'I see. And?'

'Reid. There was a lot of Reid's blood and his blood mixed with vomit and other bodily fluids.'

I nod at him. 'Around the drain thing? He spent a lot of time by the drain.'

'Flanders. There was a lot of his blood too. Too much of his blood in fact, and an unknown which we are assuming is this Taki person. There was though no bodies.'

'And Rosa's blood?'

And he shakes his head. 'No. Reid, Flanders and Taki. That is all.'

'Then it is wrong!' And I am on my feet again and pacing. I know it is wrong. I saw it. 'I saw it happen!' I push my hands through my hair and catch the smell of slight singeing as my smoke catches my short sweaty hair. 'I know it happened Hotch. I was there. She was standing next to me for gods sake. I didn't imagine it.'

He is shaking his head. 'I need you to talk to someone about this properly Emily.'

'You don't believe me. You don't believe me do you?' In need a drink. I need a long cold gin and I need to stand in front of my window at home and watch the car lights on the road below. I want to watch the birds in the morning sky sailing silently in the sky. Floating there seeing all and knowing everything, and seeing all. I need to be at home and watch the rain slapping against that window and I need to put the palms of my hands against that window and rest my forehead on it and just watch and wait.

I need to stand there and smoke and drink and wait.

He will come to me eventually if I wait long enough. If I think hard enough. I know he will come to me. He knows he is welcome. He will come. I will stand and wait and I will feel his fingers on my back. I will feel the way they move slowly up my spine to my neck. I will feel him pressing in behind me and I will feel his hot breath on the back of my neck and his hands working on my pants.

He wont touch my chest. He will keep his hands low and he will bite my shoulder and he will take me there against the window and I will look for his refection in the glass and see his eyes deep and dark staring at me and I will see the cars below and the birds above and feel him making every part of my body tingle. Sweat will roll down my face and on my neck and he will lick at it as he uses me as little more than a whore.

My hands will slide down the glass leaving behind sweaty marks and his hand on my stomach will pull me away from the window and I will cry out in pain and pleasure and my legs will tremble with the effort of standing there and he will hold me. He will hold me up and in place and call me dirty names and tell me how good I feel. Considering I am warm.

Then I will be curled up on the floor and there will be a smell of cigarettes and coffee.

He always leaves me two smokes and a mug of coffee.

'I need to go home' I tell Hotch. I rub the palms of my hands on my pants legs. 'I feel sick. I want to go home and sleep.'

And he nods. 'We will continue this Prentiss.' And I look at him.

'Aaron, you know something don't you?'

But he turns his back on me and goes to leave. As he turns his cell phone goes off and he slides it from his black suit pants pocket. 'What do you mean? Gone? How long?' A pause. 'I will be right over.' He turns to me. 'I need you thinking straight. You are no good to me as you are. Go home and sleep.' And he is leaving again.

'Who has gone?' I ask.

'Sam. Someone has taken the remains of Sam.'

* * *


	17. Chapter 17 Drains

Drains

* * *

Some things might seem a bit odd to you but this isn't really all that strange.

I booked a motel room. It's a nice place. Like a cabin. Separate buildings spread out in a lightly wooded area. Really just about perfect. My baggage was beginning to smell, and I need to keep my word to Sam.

Spencer I have laid on the bed. He doesn't look good. The bruises on his neck and chest are deep and dark and I think he is dead. I think he should be dead. If Sam wasn't needing him he would be.

'Fix him Sam or I won't fucking help you.'

I know he can.

I know behind those beautiful eyes which are no longer rich and hazel but dull and clouded, I know Sam can fix it. He has to or I won't fix him.

He said a couple of words a few days back, but that was it. Nothing since and though rigor hasn't set in, and it wont if Sam keeps his heart going, though its not set in, it should have. His skin is white with these nasty bruises and I lick at them and kiss them and hold him close but it's not Spencer anymore. He is Sam and I want my Spencer back again.

It is raining hard today. I have placed a blanket over Spence and I have kissed his cold blue lips and I'm standing in the door way looking out over the woods to where there are cars parked up in the parking lot. I can see the different colours shining in the wet and the rain is hammering down on the roof and it's pouring down the side of the building. I can smell Rosa. I need to dispose of her.

I turn my back on the open door and the rain. The smells of the wet on the earth are filling the room now. I take a deep breath and then walk to the hammer and axe I'd nicked from some van a day or so ago. I walk with them to the bathroom and look at the mess in the bath. There was no helping her. I tried. I asked. It went something like this.

'I need my Rosa back.'

'Fuck off.'

'You can mend her.'

'Sure, but I'm not going to.'

'You have something to do with this don't you?'

'Sod off Flanders before I put your pathetic head on a spike over my front door.'

'You don't have a front door you stupid goat headed fuckwit.'

'And you don't have a daughter. Sod off.'

And that really was it. No room to argue with a demonic goat. I have to accept the fate and get Emily up the duff or something. She'd carry a fine sprog. The thought of it makes me smile for a very short while. Last time I used a thing I got from a cooking utensils store. I'd have to do something like that again. It's something to consider.

Now though I have to get rid of Rosa. I put the hammer down for now and stand looking at the rotting remains in the bathtub. I've checked out this place. The flushing system is amazingly strong. I think I could flush a whole cow down that pan. It all gets taken to some tank where it sits and bubbles and turns to sludge for a few months before the tanker comes and sucks the mixture up into its belly and takes it away to the sewage place. A fitting end for a little girl?

Not really.

A fitting end for Rosa?

Very probably.

Sorry sweetheart but you really weren't very nice where you darling? And so I begin the task of dismembering her. The head is already off which makes it easier. The axe is nice and sharp and I only need the hammer to make the skull small enough to put in bits down the toilet.

I make a dreadful mess and an even more dreadful smell and I keep glancing around to make sure Spencer is still there. Not that he can go anywhere. I flush the last little bit of my little girl down the john and go back into the bedroom. My form is a bit out of place in this world of chintz. I am leaving drips of blood behind me. I walk out of the door and stand in the rain. Slowly I strip off my clothes until I'm just in my boxers and I let the rain wash it all away.

By all –

What I mean is….

The bits of brain stuck in my hair and on my face. The tiny bits of Rosa under my fingernails. The final last bits of the little girl I made with a Turkey baster and a dirty whore. Then I pick up my stuff and go back into the motel room and hope the drains don't over flow in the rain. I leave the door open. It's night time. No one will come on by now. No one. I have the final bits of the puzzle ready but is Sam ready?

For now I want to lay here and just hold him. I'm cold and wet and pissed off with the world and with Sam and with the goat and I just want to relax. I've not relaxed it feels in months. Every time my guard drops just a little, shit happens. I roll Spencer onto his side and curl up with him under the blanket.

'Sam – get him fixed and I will take the pair of you to the family. They can tidy up the ends…you know? Just do this and I'll get you sorted as soon as I find them.'

The thought of going to the family here, somewhere maybe, I don't even know what sodding country they are in right now, but I'll get us to them, or them to us. They owe me. They told me to fuck off and I did. They owe me at least for that.

-o-o-o-

It's the morning and Sam and I have come to an agreement. I will fix his head back on his body…he will get Spence working again. There is a condition though.

He wants to stay with the family until he is fully healed and he wants Spencer there too. I know it's going to take a while for them both to get better, so until then I need something to hold his head on, thick twine and a big needle will do the trick, and then I need to contact the family. I roll Spence over onto his back again and run my thumb over his lips and my fingers over his neck.

'I won't be long.'

I tell him.

No.

I tell Sam. This isn't Spencer anymore. I don't know where he is. I pull the blankets up over him and I pull on my blood soaked wet clothes and make my way out of the cabin. This time I close the door and lock it with the key in my hand and slip the key into my pocket and make my way over to the reception area. It's still pissing it down with rain and now the drains are worrying me slightly. No – worry is too strong a word, I have a slight niggling concern. Not that it matters really. In the end. It never matters in the end does it? What are they going to do to me?

I think back of the corpse lying on the bed and the other headless one wrapped up on the floor. I think of the head I've placed in the gap under the bed and then I wonder if fucking Spencer would be classed as corpse screwing. He's not really totally dead, but I don't know if they will see it that way. I don't want to leave him there too long. I've already said I don't want maid service. I've already said don't want them coming round poking noses in where they're not wanted, but people don't always listen, and today is going to be a bitching long day.

The rain is dripping down my face and my boots are making a fine wet sound as I enter the cabin used as the reception. The guy behind the old stripped pine counter is reading a newspaper and smoking a long black smoke of some kind. He's middling in age and balding of head. He looks up through thick specs with a ripe red face.

'Can I help you?' He folds up his paper and places it on the counter.

'I had an accident. With my – luggage. I need something to repair it with. You might have something in maintenance I could borrow?'

He sniffs and scratches at a fat neck and I sniff and wipe the back of my hand across my nose. 'What sorta thing you meaning?'

'Big.' And I use my hands to indicate the huge size. 'needle and' this time a twirling motion with my finger. 'twine.'

'For to sew with?'

I nod slowly. Wondering if he is a retard and then wondering again if nodding slowly is the same as talking slowly when it comes to retard like this thing here.

I got what I needed though and I asked about the drains and was assured that '_this aunt nuffink boy – our drains is da best._' And so with that small comfort I return to the cabin. Obviously nothing has moved or changed. I lock the door this time and quickly check on Spencer. Some of that deep blue has gone and when I press my lips against his I am sure they respond slightly. Sam is working his magic. I place a hand on his chest and I can feel the slow rise and fall of a breathing almost living almost person.

Her though is my next dilemma. I need to firstly replace the head. Then I have to extract Sam from Spencer….then I have to place him back in his own host. To do this, well I have to do it like I did before. In a manner. Not quite the same way, so because of that I'm going to have to get down and dirty with by babe here.

I won't go into the details of how I stitched that head back on again, but it wasn't too hard. I don't know how much you remember about me, or how much interest you take in what I've done in the past but be assured that sewing bits of people together, not necessarily to the original owner, I can do something like this with ease.

'Ready when you are Sam.'

I check the door. I check the drapes. I look out at the rain for a while and rest my forehead on the wet glass. The room is cold. I don't want it too warm yet. I can still smell Rosa.

'I need to clean up.'

And I look at my spawn on the floor.

'I'll do this first if you're ready.'

The bed is big. It's very big. Plenty of room for this. I crouch and slide my hands under Sam's back and carefully lift his body onto the bed next to Spencer.

I wonder what they would think if they came in now. I wipe the hair off his face and then slowly start to strip off again. This isn't something I normally like to do, but this is different. This here is special and I have to show respect if this is going to work. Nothing is ever certain. Least of all this sort of shit.

I sit astride Spencer and talk to him. No…I talk to the thing inside of him. 'He will be able to cope alone?'

A slight nod. I think. I might have imagined it.

And so we start the transfer. Firstly, in the manner I gave it to Spence in the first place he has to return it. Now this is odd, cos I know that this isn't really Spencer. It's just his face and body, but not his mind or lust. If it is lust. It's just a job that needs doing, and he does it well.

He does me well.

I have to let a lot of barriers down to let this happen. I have to relax in a way I don't usually. I concentrate on the matter in hand – not literally – but I concentrate on it – on him – on this – and I watch Spencer's face carefully. I watch for signs that his body is too broken to cope with this. I think it might be. I have a feeling I will be asking for more than shelter from the family.

A hand reaches up and presses on my knee. 'Get off me.' Spencer says. Or is it Sam? No. I am looking at those clouded dead eyes and it is Spencer. I reach with my hand and touch his gently.

'I'm going.' I tell him

and move away to the side so that I am kneeling on the bed between the two of them. I can feel the icy cold form screaming around inside me. It's pushing and struggling to escape so I look over at Sam and quickly I turn him over so he is on his stomach.

Now you need to know that his isn't actually having a go at my child, as he's not actually my child. He is more like he is me. So I'm just doing what people are often telling me to do….

'Go fuck yourself Flanders.'

Job done.

I move back away from both of them now. I need everything to happen. So I pull my clothes back on again and rubbing the places it actually hurts I pull a twist of cellophane from my pocket and make my way to the bathroom. I sit on the floor in the shower tray and snort my good shit up my nose until I am flying and floating and ….

I need my family to come and get us.

I need to call them to us. It's not just me. It's Sam too and I lay there and slide slowly to the side and curl up in the tiny space and I can smell Rosa.

And I can smell the drains.

-o-o-o-

'Wake up.'

Someone is shaking me and I try to open my eyes but everything seems foggy and I don't seem to be able to focus properly.

'Where is he?'

I manage to frown but that's about all.

'Where is Floyd?'

The voice is strange. I'm not sure if it is my hearing or if this person has this. I think though that he has clown's make up on. Smudged and dripping and pealing and old….the red of the mouth smeared and wrong.

'Where is he?'

But I don't know. I can't tell him and really it doesn't matter because no one is that tall and monstrous. Not ever so he can't be lifting me off the bed and throwing me over his shoulder. I get a quick glimpse of Sam and the dwarves.

Hang on. I want to rub my eyes and try to see that again. Two dwarves – with beards and summer dresses and they are saying.

'Oh Lemmy be careful of that head.' And the other is saying. 'Such lovely stitching that Floyd does. So lovely.' And their stubby fingers are moving over Sam's torso, but I don't get to see more as this thing like Andre the Giant in Clown's kit is carrying me out of the door and into the rain.

But this has to be an odd dream. I can feel that Sam has gone though and as I am carried through the woods and to the parking lot I can hear howling like a dog and screaming like an injured animal and it's not until I am told…

'Shut the fuck up bozo.'

That I realise it was me.

* * *


	18. Chapter 18 Dog

Dog

* * *

I did the same routine. I stood and waited and eventually he came to me. I don't care if I am trying to take him from Reid. I want this man. I want him as mine and though he never stays the night, he does come to me. I wonder if he returns to Spencer. I wonder what Hotch would say if he knew. But no one ever has to know about this. Sometimes I even wonder if it is real of if my mind never fully recovered from seeing that child die like that. So he takes me until my legs give way and I feel that familiar woozy feeling and the room spins.

It's not many men who can make love to a woman until she passes out. And I will never find another like him. Not in either gender will I find another.

This morning is different. I am sore.

But not how I usually feel. Something is different. I am still partially dressed and lying on the floor in the lounge. Slowly I roll over and sit up. My head is pounding and I feel sick. Something is more that different. Something is wrong. I feel the bile rising in my throat and manage a stumbling run to the bathroom where I empty most of my stomach contents into the bowl. Something is wrong but I don't know what it is. I hurt in places I don't normally and it feels like something like a big insect has bitten the side of my neck. Groggily I stand and look in the mirror. I look deathly pale and my neck looks red but not swollen or such around where it hurts.

'Damnit.' I mutter. I don't like that I've been bitten by something which is making me feel so ill after.

I decide to clean my teeth and see if I feel any better afterwards.

That is when I see it.

In the bathroom basin. Just lying there.

'What the hell?' I stand just looking at it for a few minutes. Maybe longer. Every muscle in my body is screaming. My brain is screaming…my nerves are howling in rage. I tear off a bit of toilet tissue and pick the turkey baster up out of the basin. 'You son of a bitch!' Under this harmless kitchen tool is a little disposable thermometer and a thing like an epipen but smaller than normal. 'You wouldn't. Oh god you wouldn't do that.' I drop the baster back into the basin knowing full well that he would. That he had.

And how am I going to explain this?

How will I tell Hotch?

'Flanders you bastard!'

I spend much of the rest of the morning kneeling on the bathroom floor now wishing to all the gods available that I could empty my stomach.

-o-o-o-

I don't know where we are.

I think I have where I am figured out now and I think we are somewhere in the south, but I don't know exactly where. They don't say much to me. I don't get to see Floyd much, though it is every day now. Sam, I see Sam most days, but not every one. I still don't seem to be able to see properly, but it's good enough to make out the weirdness of my surroundings.

I live in a big Winnebago type thing. It's huge, but they lock me in a lot of the time. The windows are shuttered from the outside, so though I hear things going on, I don't get to see very much when there are strangers around. There are times they let me out. They take me to a huge metal cage and attach me to the outside of it with irons on my legs. Most of the time I am in baggy jeans and a vest top. I have to be careful. I've discovered that I don't get many chances to change my clothing.

It is from this place though tied up like an animal that I get to see the others and get to learn a bit more about what this place is. Let me tell you about some of them.

Ana:

She is the one who brings me my food in a stainless steel bowl. I don't get a knife or fork. I have to eat with my fingers. So Ana, she is probably about five foot tall. She is very thin. Much too thin, and is usually in a leotard and slippers when I see her. She has short cropped hair and six fingers on each hand and some kind of jaw deformity. She looks almost normal until she smiles and I can see her teeth are shiny white and long and pointed. I don't know if she can talk. She's never said anything to me, but then I've not said anything to her either. She smells of horses and I think she is a bareback rider or something.

Lemmy:

Is a dwarf. Gender – I don't know. I really can't tell. I'll say "he" just to make it easier. Lemmy is a hired hand I think, rather than a performer. I don't know, maybe he clowns too; I've never been inside the big top. I don't know what they do. I am never in the open if public are around. Lemmy cleans out the animals and helps put up the tent and stalls. I've seen him late at night sometimes when all the people have gone and they bring me out for fresh air and he smells of popcorn and hotdogs. I think he sells food or something. Sometimes Lemmy is in a female dress and sometimes he is dressed in animal skins. He never talks to me or even looks at me.

Sin and Saviour:

Are conjoined twins. They are joined at the waist and they look to be teenaged, but it's really hard to tell. One is always looking pretty with yellow hair tied back and a pink bow in her hair. I think that one is Saviour. The other always has Goth type make up and her hair is dyed dark red. I am pretty sure I have the names the right way around. They have a box they stand on inside a big red and blue tent and people pay money to go in and look at them.

Little Leo:

Obviously is far from little. He has some kind of defect and is now eight foot tall and nearly as wide. He is creepy. He wears red and white striped pants and a bright yellow baggy top. It is the clowns make up which is so incongruous. It never looks fresh. It's always smeared and dripping, and I think it's meant to be like that. I don't think if I was a child I would find that sort of clown in the slightest big amusing. He has the biggest feet I have ever seen inside the biggest red clown shoes ever made. His hair is long and dark and dirty and tied back with a twinkley thing in various shades.

Bird Girl:

Exactly what she sounds like. I think it is her cage I am attached to but I've never seen her inside it, but there are dark feathers around and fruit and nuts on the floor of the cage. A tall girl of about six foot and again like Ana very underweight. She wears a costume covered in black feathers, but she has no ears, just holes in the side of her head and her eyes are set much too far to the side and they bulge from her head. She has no thumbs and her fingers are webbed. I've never heard her talk. She can squawk though.

Henry:

Not the boss but the guy in the big hat and red tails. I thought at first he was normal, not like the others I've seen but he has a tail to go with his tails. About a foot long. At first I thought my addled brain was just confused, but no he definitely has it and it moves, much like a bald cat tail. It made me feel sick at first to see it waving around between the split in the back of his trousers and coat, but somehow it looks normal now.

I've told you about a few of the people. There are many others and some of them seem to have bodies which aren't disfigured by birth. Tilly is tattooed all over her body. I don't even know what race she was before. You can't see any natural skin anymore. Eloise is branded. On her back. A tiger. It could almost be said to be attractive except it's not. The one I think who is in charge is called Jules or The Jules Eye. I don't have a clue why they call him that. I am assuming because he sees all. He looks normal. A smallish guy of about five six with dark hair pulled back and plaited. He has with him at all times a lad on a leash. This lad crawls on his hands and knees. I've never heard him talk. But I have heard his screams when he is kicked and whipped. I want to do something. Let him know I am here and I will help but he never looks over at me, and I don't call out to him.

I am here now with my bowl of what looks like dog food and a dish of water. Ana is standing watching me as I push it away from me. I know from experience that it won't taste as bad as it looks but my stomach hurts today and my head is pounding. I don't want to eat. I don't want to be part of this freak show. I need to talk to Floyd – properly about it, but he is staying quiet with me too.

'Eat it.' She snaps at me, but I ignore her and just curl up tighter to myself. It's cold today and my hands and feel like ice. I wonder if it will occur to them to give me more clothing when it gets colder. I will ask Floyd. I will ask him tonight. There have been a few nights he hasn't been back until very early hours of the morning. I want to ask what he does all day when I don't see him, but I don't. I don't ask the questions he is willing to answer. I've asked for books to read. I have been denied them. I have asked for something to write on and I've been denied that too. There is no television or radio in the van. I have no idea what is going on in the outside world except for my visits to where I am now.

'Eat it dog.' And she kicks the bowl to me. 'You won't get anything else until you do.' That's fine with me. I don't want to eat it.

At the normal time they come to get me. A guy I don't see very often. Six foot or so in tatty jeans and a hoodie. Then things start to change from normal.

'Hey.' He says to me and crouches down in front of me. He pushes my food bowls out of the way and grabs me under the chin so he can lift my face to look at him. 'I'm your trainer.' He says. I stay silent. I want to hear all he has to say before I start protesting. 'You will do what I tell you and things won't hurt nearly so much.' I think I frown at him. 'Lesson number one; you are now called "Dog". Number two and all the other fucking numbers that come after it; you will not talk. You will stay on hands and knees. You will do what you are told by the folk here. You will eat without the use of your hands and if I see you use your fingers I will get Ana to bite them off.

I open my mouth to say something to be greeted with a back hander which sends me into the cold damp earth.

'I said you're not to talk.'

The next half an hour probably is taken up by me kicking and defending myself from this guy. He manages to get a collar around my neck and I am told to get on my hands and knees. When I start to stand he brings out a small concealed sap like club and shows me what happens when I try to stand.

I'm not sure what happened. It seemed to just be starting and yet be over all at the same time. I know he kicked my knees. I know he brought the club down on my bare feet. I know he brought his boots down on my fingers. I could hear screaming. I didn't realise at first that it was me, but there was no way now I would be walking for a while. Or using my hands to eat with.

I was then half dragged and partially allowed to crawl back towards the van I lived in.

A fool. That is all I can think I was. A fool to think I was going back to my warm bed. The collar, which was padlocked closed, was now attached to the trailer hitch on the back of one of the horse boxes. Ana put the food and water down and they walked off.

People will be arriving soon. I can call out. I can get help. Floyd won't allow this to happen. I look at my hands. I think they are just badly bruised.

As the time slips by I notice the lack of people arriving tonight. I pull at the collar and I try to force the lock off the trailer but my hands won't let me. I'm stuck and as it starts to rain I realise my only option now is to crawl under the horse box to try at least to keep as dry as I can.

-o-o-o-

'Spence.' I crouch down at the back of the horsebox and touch the foot protruding out into the rain. There is a yelp and the foot is snatched away so I bend down and crawl under there with him. 'Babes, it's me.' But he doesn't look at me. He's not looked at me properly, not really properly for a while now. Something is gone. That spark, it's just not there now. 'Spencer, I can take you back to our place. Come.' I pull on his leash and with a sigh and his head down he wriggles out from under cover and out into the dark night and the rain. There is going to be a storm. The show's been cancelled and the tents taken down. It's too risky keeping them up in the high winds and the animals spook. I pull the leash from the trailer and attach it to my belt and start walking. He crawls in the dirt and mud behind me and though in a way its sort of heart breaking that I lost my Spencer, at least he's not completely dead. I pick up his bowl of food which is now half filled with rain water and tip some of it out. I will try to get him something else, but I know what their plans are. There is no bargaining with the family. It is their way or you go. It's why I was gone in the first place and I'm fucking lucky to be back. Not so lucky with what was going on though.

Back in the warmth and light of the van I can see what they've done to him. His feet are black and bruised his hands swollen and his lip split. I place his food on the floor for him and get a bowl of water and put them together. I watch Spencer crawl over to the bed and painfully pull himself up onto the comfort of the bed. I bite on my bottom lip as I make myself a coffee.

'Get off.'

I don't say it too loudly and he ignores me.

'Spencer get off the fucking bed will you.'

And he looks over at me but his eyes don't quite meet mine and they don't have that shine they used to have. 'What's going on Floyd?'

I pour my coffee and walk over to the bed and after putting the drink on the little side cabinet I throw myself down next to him. He is lying down all arms and legs. He is far too thin. Much too thin. He looks ill. I run my fingers over his face and sigh. 'What do you mean?'

'What is this place?'

He shouldn't be on the furniture but I'll cover for him if they ask. I wriggle closer and pull his head onto my lap. I need back what I had. I need back what was there before Taki got to him. I look at the face with looks not quite right and stroke his hair with my fingers.

'Floyd – what is this place? What's going on?'

'It's my family Spencer. They are able to shield you from Taki. Both us, they are protecting us.'

I feel him wriggle on my lap and I just want to push him away from me and make him get back on the floor, but somewhere inside is the Spencer I need to find again.

'I don't feel very protected.'

'I know – I know but you're alive aren't you? The thing is Spencer that they won't keep people here doing nothing. You have to earn your keep. You haven't been so far. I've been in talks with them. Long talks, but I don't really have much say. My status here's not too high and if I piss them off too much they'll just kick me out again. That's not meaning they will you too though, not now they have a use for you, but you'll be ok. Just do what they want.'

He turns and almost looks at me but not quite. 'They have a use for you? What do you do all day Floyd?' But I shake my head at him and lean back so he can't see my face.

'Not important what I do. You don't need to know that. You just need to remember you are Dog. You will crawl…oh and I have a clout cloth for you to wear, so get out of that dirty stuff I'll help you get changed.'

He wriggles on my lap again and it's beginning to annoy me. 'Clout cloth?'

'You don't know what that is? Fucks sake Spencer.'

I don't know why that annoys me so much. I don't know why it made me see red. I just lost it. I suddenly stand and my momentum forces Spencer off the bed and onto the floor and my boot catches him in the stomach.

He yelps out and tries to curl up and avoid me and I need to stomp him. I need to kill the fucker. I need to kick his pretty little head in. I need to….

I need to get out. I don't know how long I kick him for. At first he curled up, then he reached out and tried to stop me by holding my legs. Then he was begging, like a fucking animal, begging me to stop and asking what he did wrong.

I leave in a rush. I don't even tie him up again, but I don't think he's going anywhere tonight. I didn't even want to fuck him. I didn't want to feel him. I didn't want to hear him…I didn't want to see him cry.

The wind is howling and the shutters on the vans are ratting. I can hear people shouting at each other but the words are too far away and being distorted by the wind and rain. I wanted to be in the big central tent, but it's been taken down and stored away now in preparation for our next stop. All that remains is the trampled down area where the people had been sitting on bales of hay and straw watching the freaks dance and play for them. Watching the men and women with the tattoos and brands swing from the trapeze and never fall however much it looked like they would. Where they watched the man with the huge feet walk a tightrope and the twins dance and the pony skips and in some darkened back room I whore. Here is where I now stand and then I crouch and run my fingers over the remains of the sawdust on the floor and I realise now why I ran from Spencer. It's not him there is a problem with. He is still Spencer. It's me who's changed. It's me who is glad of the wind and rain right now.

I hate tears.

Once you start there is a risk you won't stop.

There is a risk someone will see you.

And that someone might think you actually care.

And you don't.

You don't give a shit what happens to Spencer.

As long as you're all right.

Everyone else can go to hell.

-o-o-o-

I stand in the shadows and watch him.

I dunno what the hell is going on with my dad.

He is crouching in the rain with his arms wrapped around his head and I wonder if I should go to him.

But I don't.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19 Denial

Denial

* * *

I paced for a good few hours. Every ten minutes of so I went back to the big white bathroom and looked in the basin. I cried for a while. I stood at the window for a while and could see my hand prints still on the glass. I know he was here. I know this isn't some crazy dream or nightmare. I know I didn't do this to myself.

I feel light headed but the though of putting food into my mouth has me racing back to my echoing bathroom and vomiting nothing but bile down the pan. I've called in work sick and Hotch wasn't happy. We are working a case. Child abductions. I am needed there, but right now I would be of no use to anyone.

I have to check that he has done what I think he has. This might just be a game. That's right. He is messing with me. This is his idea of a joke. I pull on clean under clothes and a pair of baggy combats. I then drag on a long sleeved black top and finally a hoodie and a pair of boots. I stand in front of the mirror and look at my face. I don't like what I can see. This isn't the face of a woman who has her life under control. This is the face of someone who is spiralling down hill fast. I don't want to disturb the evidence in the basin so I grab my toothbrush and the paste and clean my teeth over the tub. I just drop them into the bottom of the bath and I wipe my mouth on the hand towel I keep draped over the radiator. I leave with my small bag across my shoulder and a small amount of money.

Smoke. Smoke. Damnit I need a smoke, but I cant. I really shouldn't. At least not until I know for sure. Then again if I don't then am admitting that he did do this thing to me. I slip down a small ally way and lean on the wall. I have five left in the pack in my bag and it doesn't take me long to smoke the first. I reach to grab another…light the next from this one, but I really shouldn't. I really shouldn't do that, but I do anyway. I seem to be crouching now near the bins in the ally way chainsmoking my way through the last few I have.

'I'm not getting any more.'

And by hiding and doing this in secret I am shielding this from reality. When I stand up I brush my fingers through my hair and then look down at my hands. They are shaking. And my legs hurt where I have been in the same position for too long. It's not far to the pharmacy, not far at all. It has probably taken longer to smoke those five things than to walk to the shop I need to go to. It really isn't far. I can see the sign as I step out of the ally way. I can see it right there. Almost close enough to touch, so I side step and walk into the small tobacconists. Joel knows what I want. He always does and I am angry with myself. I said I wouldn't get more, yet here I am handing over my money. I nod a curt thank you and leave the small shop which smells of cheap candy and cigarettes and there it is again. Where I need to go. I turn and start to walk away. If I don't check, if I ignore it, then I wont have to accept it, but if I return home I will be faced with the damned turkey baster in my basin. I turn back and at virtual run I make my way to the pharmacy.

I am in such a damned rush to get back that I don't notice anything out of place until I reach my apartment door and see Hotch standing there.

'Hotch, I wasn't expecting to see you.' I clutch my prize in my hand and quickly stuff it into the pouch pocket on the front of my hoodie.

He nods slightly at me but keeps watching. He will want to come in. He will want to know what is going on. I can feel that I am rubbing my hands on my pants legs and I stop myself and pull out my keys.

'I had to get something – for my stomach. From the pharmacy.' I slide the key in the door and I can feel his eyes on the back of my neck burning through my skin. I rub nervously at the spot I can feel the heat and pop the door open quickly. 'Come in.' I say and flick on the light in the hallway. I didn't realise it was so late. When did it suddenly get dark? But then it was winter, it gets dark early, but still I thought it was more like lunch time. I shrug the feeling of lost hours away and let Hotch walk past me before closing the door and setting the lock. I feel safer with the door locked. 'Coffee?' I ask, but I don't wait for an answer. I make my way to the kitchen and pull down a couple of white mugs. The coffee is already hot and smelling good in the pot.

'I didn't come here for coffee Prentiss.'

His sudden voice makes me jump and I spill some of the hot liquid I was pouring. 'Oh hell, now look!' and for some reason I want to cry. I want to throw the damned coffee and Hotch and tell him to get out, but it's too late now. He knows something is wrong. He is waiting for me to say something. I quickly mop up the mess I have made and still we are not talking. How do I start? I don't know.

I throw away the coffee soaked paper towels and walk to a small drawer near the kitchen sink. I pull out a plastic bag with a sealable top and a pair of blue latex gloves. I walk still without saying anything to Hotch and hold them out for him to take from me.

He frowns but takes them from me and he is still waiting. 'Bathroom basin.' I say and again he nods and turns walking out of the kitchen and down to my bathroom.

Now what to do?

Wait here or go and sit down?

Run away and hide in the gutter or follow him and see what he says?

I decide to sit on my couch. The boots I quickly remove and by the time I get to my lounge Hotch is coming out of the bathroom. He has put the things in the bag and he motions for me to sit down, which I do happily.

Hotch sits on the big green leather chair and puts the bag on the coffee table. I curl up on the couch and try to make my self small but he knows what I am doing. He knows.

'Talk to me Prentiss. What the hell is all of this?' His hands are resting on his knees.

I shake my head. 'It is going to sound insane, and twisted and wrong, but you have to listen to all of it.'

'I'm waiting.'

I tell him about how I stand at the window. I tell him about the coffee and the cigarettes. I tell him about everything except for exactly what he does to me.

'I thought, I really thought it was some crazy dream.'

'And you didn't think it worth mentioning that you were seeing someone we have been looking for months for? You don't think that is important information?'

'Sir honestly I thought I was dreaming!'

'What did you go out to buy?' His voice is cold and hard.

I pull the bag out of my pocket and put it on the table. 'Pregnancy test kit. I need to be sure.'

'Go do it. I'll wait. You might need someone with you. I will then get you to the hospital and this stuff to the lab.'

'I'm not sick sir.' I get up and snatch up the bag. I have never felt more sick in my life. 'These kits don't take long. But I would like a coffee.' I don't wait for a response. I walk to the bathroom and close the door behind me.

-o-o-o-

Amos is sucking me off. He comes to me every day at the same time and does exactly the same thing. I don't know what he gets out of it. I know what he gets out of me though and that is something I have a never ending supply of. Amos is a dwarf. Not like the sick cross dresser, oh no this is dwarf who is all man. Except he likes to have me in his mouth. I oblige obviously. This is how I am keeping Spencer safe though I don't know why anymore. I've not actually seen him since that day I wanted to kill him.

'Ah fuck….dont bite!'

I slap him across the back of the head.

As I was saying…or thinking – I don't see Spencer anymore. Taki did a good job. He was successful. Really Spence could go. I don't think Taki would hurt him now, but the family aren't going to let that happen now. We are stuck here for a while. I don't see Sam either. I know he is here but I don't know what they are using him for. He might have made a good whore too, but I don't think that's what he is doing.

Amos is just turning to leave and I'm readjusting my self when the screaming starts. I stop and listen to it. I know who it is. I know it's Spencer. One long drawn out howl of pain.

'I don't care.' I turn my back on the tent opening and face the dark canvas and close my eyes. I don't care. If I cared I would do something about it, but I don't give a damn what they are doing to him.

When finally the screaming stops I realise I've been biting my bottom lip hard enough to make it bleed. This shouldn't be happening. I really don't care what they do to Spencer. I have no feelings for him. I have no feelings for anyone. My job is to service the family. That's it. There is nothing else.

I know you see, I know what Taki's job was. It was to pull me down. It was to take from me all I'd worked to gain. One of those things I mended. One of them I am attempting to replace. One of those things I am trying to forget about. There are plenty more where he came from. I'll find another boy. I've seen a few but they only ever visit the once to see the freaks as we pass through town, they never return and none of the ones I've had my eye on have come to me. I thought about making one, but they wont give me the raw materials to work with.

Oh and I know that they are taking kids from the towns and villages. I know that too, but who the hell am I going to report that to? They will come sniffing around soon enough.

When the screams start up again I put my hands over my ears.

'Just leave him alone for the love of the gods.'

I don't know why. I don't know why I am moving. Pushing someone out of my way as I go. Moving fast towards to noise. I need to stop it. I need them to stop whatever they are doing to him. I have pretended for long enough. I need my boy back.

I reach the van the horrendous noise is coming from and I'm about to fly up the few steps and through the door when a hand grabs my arm.

'Don't. He's no longer your problem.' Jules.

I push his hand off my arm and turn to him. 'He never was a fucking problem Jules. Taki is the damned problem not him. What the hell is going on in there?'

'Branding the dog. Don't worry. Wont kill him.'

I don't wait to hear more. I am up the steps and through the door before he can stop me. It's a big van like the one I was given. At the furthest point is a bench with a few people standing around it and someone tied down with hands above his head. He is lying on his stomach and facing away from me. The brander is standing with an elaborate contraption in her hand and smile on her face. The smell in the van if horrendous. Burnt flesh.

'Touch him with that again bitch and I tear your fucking throat out.' A hand is on my back again. Jules once more I am guessing, but I walk away from it and over to the bench. 'You fucking bastards.' I mutter when I look at his back. 'What the hell did you do that for?'

'You're not meant to care.' The voice of Jules. I ignore it and push the onlookers out of the way. His back is in such a mess right now that I cant rightly see what they've done to him. I don't want to think about it. 'Floyd!' and he is pulling at my arm again as I start to untie him. 'Floyd you cant have him. Forget him. Go find another twink. This one's lost.'

I'm dragging him off the bench and hauling him over my shoulder. 'Don't call him that. I can't just replace him.'

Jules is laughing now. 'Oh Floyd, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to insult your bit of arse there. What is he to you then? Your wife? Or is he the husband?'

I need to get out. Need to get him away from these people. He is unconscious as I stumble out of the van to the sounds of laughter and out of the stench of Spencer's burned flesh. Again it has started to rain and as I stagger through the mud and wet and as the thunder booms and rattles and the lightening turns it into daytime for a split second, Spencer groans and moves slightly. I think my movement as I slide and slip in the filth coupled with the ice cold rain on his back is pulling him back round to the land of the awake.

'It's OK babes.' I tell him.

It's not ok

This is so very far from OK that I want to go and kill someone. Someone small. Someone who wont fight back. Something easy, just for once. Something's gotta work out right. I push my way through the tent flaps of my most recent home and drop him on his front on the big bed thing in the center of the tent. I don't have any proper lighting in here. You're not meant to be able to see what a shit hole this place really is. It stinks of sweat and sex and dirty unwashed bodies…or is that just me? Spencer moans softly and I am so freaking cross I think I might explode. Why did they do this why couldn't they just shield us? Why play these sick games?

My family.

My family of sideshow freaks. I sit on the floor with my back against the bed and wait for something to happen. Either they will come and try to take him back, or they will tell me to leave, or they will just ignore it and go and torment someone else, but either way I'm not giving up Spencer without a fight. Taki might have thought he'd done a good job and for a while I thought he had too, but when it comes down to it, Spencer is mine.

And I don't share.

Not unless the price is good enough.

I don't know how long I sit there for. Long enough to smoke everything I can find and snort something pink. Ana has been in and brought Spencer his food and I have threatened to kill her by stuffing the bowl where the sun don't shine. Jules came in and gave me a tub of something to rub on Spencer's back.

'You both need to get back to work.' He tells me but I don't think that is going to happen soon. Tomorrow, I think it is tomorrow, we are packing up and moving on again. We never stay anywhere longer than a week but we've been here ten days. I don't know why and I'm not leaving Spence here to go and find out.

The ran has stopped, but the water is running in through the entrance to my little whoredom. The smells now I have covered with incense but it's getting cold. I get groggily to my feet and look around for something to cover him over with. I have to be careful. I managed to look closer at the burns on his back. They run in a line from between his shoulder blades to the base of his spine and around the top of each buttock to his hips. They are words and I can make up some of the letters but not all of them, but I can pretty much guess that they are insults and curses.

I've not talked to him yet and he hasn't talked to me. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to, and I wouldn't blame him for that really, or because he cant. Either way I'm not pressing the matter right now. I just need to get us over this hurdle and then hopefully out.

The splashing and the sudden brightness from a flashlight alerts me to someone in the tent with me. I turn to tell them I'm not working tonight but it's Jules. 'Stay in here. Whatever happens stay in here.'

'Taki is here?'

'No no, not that creep. All that matters is that you stay here. And keep your twink here too. Tie him up if you have to but don't let him out of the tent.'

And he is gone.

I lie down on the bed next to Spencer and I try not to touch him. He is still in clout cloth and his head is turned away from me. I rest on my side facing him. I want to bury my head into his hair and breathe him in, but I will be admitting how much I need him.

One of my hands is resting on the back of his head slowly brushing with my fingers. My other hand plays over his ribs. I can't stop myself. I need him so much. Not just to screw, but to touch and be with and look at.

I am about to lean forwards and kiss that beautiful neck when all hell breaks loose. Well the part of hell not all ready walking and breathing around this carnival of freaks.

'FBI! Everybody out and line up now!'

Jules told me to stay here. He knew this was going to happen and now I don't know if staying here is a trap or if it is for protection. 'Spencer.' I shake him gently but all I get back is a low growling.

'Now! All of you.'

Hotchner.

I would know that voice anywhere. I stay where I am with my hands barely touching Spence and listen to the sound of armed men, who I imagine are SWAT running by the entrance of my home.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20 Poaching

Poaching

* * *

It is a huge compound. Even though we had inspected every corner of this place on a map provided by Garcia, it doesn't prepare you for this.

The SWAT team are spreading out and emptying the different vans and tents and the only thing I can say is that I am glad that the rain has stopped for a while.

There is still a storm. The whole place occasionally becomes like a strange distorted photograph. The thunder is rolling in the distance and the people are lining up looking a mixture of confused, angry, and amused.

The smell drifts over the land like a green fog. A smell of wet animals and sodden rotting straw and filth. They stand watching us carefully and the odd shout here and there goes out as more of these, and I have to describe them as, freaks are lined up.

'What are you looking for?' A man standing around the middle of these people. They turn to look at him as he steps forward and I step forward.

'SSA Hotchner.' I say

'I know who you are and Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss and David Rossi.' Nodding to each in turn. 'I asked what you are looking for, not who you are.'

I try not to let this throw me. I try to keep this as me in charge but that statement wasn't lost on any of my team members. I see Morgan take a step forward and I see movement from Prentiss. Dave stands his ground. I pull out some photographs of missing children. They are in protective coverings in case of the rain.

'There are some missing children. Have you seen them?' I hand the pictures to the man who appears to be in charge and I watch him carefully. He looks at each one and frowns at them and then turns and passes them to a guy in a red jacket.

'What about you?' He says to him, then turns back to look at me. He is holding a photo in his hand. 'This one looks familiar, but we see a lot of kids here Hotchner. It's not easy to remember every face. This one though. Something about those eyes. I remember them. Very deep dark eyes and a wide mouth. Almost unnatural. I spot things like that. But you know I might be wrong. It might just be a similar looking kid.' I watch as the pictures are passed along the group of strange looking people. 'Not here though. Back in Bucklees… That's where she was.' He hands me back the picture. 'Anything else we can help you with? I kind of object to being treated like this you know. You have a reason for this?' A very tall guy in a clown outfit and smudged make up steps forward and pushes the pictures into my hand.

'You know why we are here.' And I walk away. I am not going to explain to someone who knows the names of my team members why we are here. He knows. I know he knows and he knows where these children are.

They didn't really hide the trail. It was blatant once we looked at it. Each town that has reported a missing child in the past six months has had a visit from the Carnival that same week. Maybe not right in the town, but within five miles of it. I splash my way through the mud and muck towards the central tent passing smaller places as I go. I indicate for them all to be checked and again the sky lights up with a terrific crack of light and a boom of thunder that seems to make the very ground shake and just as I step through into the mail tent with Morgan close behind me the sky opens once more and the rain falls in fast hard torrents.

I heard Derek next to me make an odd sound of disgust and it is all I can do not to copy him. 'People actually come here and pay money?' Derek says as he walks past me and through a line up of straw bales. The place stinks. I frankly don't think I could sit in here and be much entertained and I definitely wouldn't bring my son here. 'So they just sit here and watch the freaks?' Derek is standing in an opening looking at the central ring. 'Clowns and trapeze and what? Horse riders?' I walk up behind him to look as he turns. 'They are all freaks Hotch.'

I nod at Derek and look at the mess of discarded popcorn and rotting hotdogs and burgers. There are sweet wrappers on the floor and used up and sometimes crushed polystyrene mugs. I know they don't clear up much when they leave and I know that people complain to each other, but I don't think anyone in their right mind would come in here in the daylight and complain to them about the mess.

'Macabre'

Derek says.

And follows it up as he walks away and the rain hammers down on the canvas…I think this is what he says. 'Reid would have loved it here.'

I know Derek is hurting too. The case went cold. There was nothing to follow up. Reid was just gone and now the case is closed but I also know that something is going on between Prentiss and Flanders and I know for sure that he knows what happened to Reid. I just need to persuade Prentiss to do what I ask her to do.

There is nothing here though that shouldn't be. No missing children. No boiled skulls. Nothing – I can't say nothing unusual – but nothing that we can say was illegal.

We walk back to the SUV's in the rain, with our heads down watching where we step. We pass old battered tents and side show stalls but there is nothing here. If the children were here then there is no sign of them now.

I tell them that they are not to leave. We will be back. I want to see this place in the daylight. He nods at me and shrugs.

'We've been here too long already. Do you intend compensating us for loss of income, cos we can't work here. It's a quagmire.'

'Just make sure you are here tomorrow. I will have more questions to ask you. He scratches at his neck and gives me a strange half smile half snarl which I have seen so many times before. Quickly I turn my back on him and head for the SUV. I don't not want him to suspect I know more than I do. It would perfectly explain how he knows our names.

I have every intention of ripping this place apart until I find whatever it is going on here.

-o-o-o-

'Get up and get out.' Jules is shouting and throwing things at me. 'Get him dressed and get the hell out of here. They're coming back. I can't shield you in the daylight. Take the camper van and just get the hell out of here.

I let go of where I am holding onto Spencer and roll over to face the spiteful eyes of Jules the Eye. 'And where am I meant to go? Have you seen the state of him?'

'Not my problem. Not our problem. You Floyd Flanders Fucking Franks are the damned problem. You cant' stay here.'

I pick up the jeans and a hoodie which he's given me to put on Spencer and I throw them back again. 'I'm not putting those on him.' My hand reaches behind me and I gently touch Spencer's arm. 'Jules, where am I going to take him?'

He picks the things up off the floor. 'I'll get him sweat pants Floyd…he can wear the hoodie.' Keys are now thrown at me. 'Get out. Get out now or that Garcia bitch will pick it up on her damned radar thing. Move it. I don't want you here causing trouble wherever you are.' He throws the hoodie back. 'Start getting him ready. Gone in ten minutes Flanders. Understand?'

I do understand. I wants me gone, but I'm not the reason SWAT and the Feds were here. 'So why were they here Jules?'

'Ana. She poaches. It's OK. Nothing is left for them to find.' He wipes his hand over his mouth and then smiles at me. 'But I defy you to criticize the girl. I need to have stronger words with her. But she is a fine cook. Five minutes. I'll get those sweat pants.'

-o-o-o-

I don't want him touching me. I don't want him near me. I want him to leave me alone in peace, but he is pulling at me and dragging me around and touching and touching and he won't keep his hands off me. I want to shout at him to stop, but I can't so when that hand comes close enough.

'You little bastard!' He shouts at me, but I have the taste of his blood in my mouth now. 'I'm trying to help you.' He is hissing at me, but he's not. I know he's not. I can feel his hand on my face pulling my head around to look at him but I cant see anything but shadows and I make sure not to look in his face. I get punished for that. I hurt if I do that. 'Spencer – listen to me.' But I shake my head and try to dislodge his hands from my face. I want to pull them away with my hands but I can't do that either. They hurt me if I use my hands. 'In the name of the gods Babes what in fuck's name have they done to you?'

I can hear other voices and now he is pulling something up over my legs.

The talking voices are raised and shouting now and I hear the sounds of flesh hitting at flesh and the strong sweet smell of blood, but I turn over to lie on my side and I make my eyes look into the darkness. He is there somewhere. The person who protects me and heals me and loves me. I know somewhere he is there. I just can't find him anymore. I am being grabbed again now that the voices have stopped shouting and this time it hurts. I cry out and howl but I'm ignored as the skin on my back tears and sticky ooze drips from the blisters I have been growing there. He is carrying me over his shoulder and I wonder if I should kick or bite at him but I don't I just howl with the pain my back is in and he is saying to me.

'Shut the fuck up you sound like an animal.' And I am tossed down onto a hard surface where I roll to my front and crawl away into the darkness. Maybe he will be there. There is always a chance, but I can't see properly. I can't see what is going on or where I am.

The shouting again.

'What about…..?'

'No longer our problem. None of it. Just clear off and don't come back. You're not wanted here.'

'You are my damned family. You can't just refuse me?'

'Watch us. You see what happens if you come sniffing your perverted dirty nose around here again. Next time you contact us we will be deaf to your demands. Now get out. And be thankful we kept you here as long as we did.'

'Grateful for doing that to him?!'

Then sounds are muffled as I hear doors slam and I am in a wonderful dark silence. For a little while. It must be one of the vans I am in now. I hear and feel the engine start and it makes me curl up tighter and I think I might be crying because I can feel liquid on my face to match the liquid sticking and oozing and leaking on my back. I want to touch my back but I don't. I lie on my front with my legs pulled up under me and my arms under me and my hands on my head and I stay like that forever. It feels like it is forever anyway. Folded up in the back of the van. Going somewhere. With someone. Away from the only person who can help me.

-o-o-o-

I went north.

I went north for a few days.

I didn't stop but to refuel the van and have a piss. I didn't even go round the back to check on Spencer.

It's gone wrong.

This was not meant to happen.

The bloody family was meant to just shield us from Taki not do this. I'm not tired. I don't sleep you see…I don't have to eat really; it's just something I do to pass the time and to be social like, but no need now. I'll just smoke and drink hot sweet coffee.

I've pulled over at some old run down diner. They are all old and run down. I don't think I've ever seen a spiffy new one. I should check on my cargo. He needs to eat even if I don't, but then again I don't want to put out those signals. That was fine, that wasn't fine, what the hell am I thinking about. I don't care about him. I can't afford to care about him, he has weakened me. He has given me conscience and pain and I don't much like it. I don't like feeling like this. I want to be alone again. Somewhere. And make my companion and play my games, but it's gone too far for that now. He is there inside me gnawing away at me and that is what is going to be my undoing. Cos I can't fucking think straight knowing he is there so damned close.

The diner.

A hole it is. I get a coffee for me and a bottle of orange juice for Spence and I walk back to the van. I need to check on him. With a sigh I put the drinks down and unlock the back doors of the van.

To say he took me by surprise is a slight underestimation. I didn't expect him to be there waiting for me. With his feet and hand teeth. He was on me like a damned animal making vile guttural sounds and going for the jugular. He was good. Damned good, but only cos I wasn't expecting it you know. The feet in my face. The scratching and biting. I had to pluck him off me like he was some weird four legged beast, which in a way I suppose he was, and is and I threw him back into the van. I really can't afford people to see this. I leap in behind him and pull the doors closed.

'Spencer.' I hiss at him, but he is lying on his back in silence now, but he is awake. I know that. I can see his fists clenching and unclenching. I can see his toes moving. He is getting ready to attack again. 'Spence, it's me. It's Floyd. I'm not going to hurt you.'

And he sits and almost looks at me, but only almost and then he is scrabbling back away from me. 'Keep away – j j just keep away.' And his voice is so strange and quiet that it doesn't sound like him.

I move in fast so he is sitting with his legs pulled up in front of him and I push his knees apart and slide in on my knees closer to him. 'Spencer. It's me.'

But he is pulling back again and I don't know why I am so pissed at this situation if I'm not meant to care, but all the time I was trying to forget him he was forgetting me anyway. I put my hands out and place one on each side of his face. I want to see those rich hazel eyes again. I want to fall into that beautiful face and feel my head spin and that light headedness I feel from looking at them, but they are not the eyes I know. These eyes are lost and sad.

'Spencer.' I say to him again and I want to run my tongue over his mouth and feel those lips under mine again but he looks so fucking scared of me. I'm going to have to start over. That's what I need to do. I need to retrain him. They've taken away from all the stuff I placed there and now I need to put it all back again.

There are only a few ways that can be done.

I can woo him and send him flowers and chocolates.

I can drug him and force him that way.

Or I can just beat him and take what I want.

Options.

I don't have flowers.

I don't have the right drugs.

I do have hands and fists.

BUT

Didn't I just say I wouldn't hurt him?

Hell he won't remember that. I am thinking these words as my fist makes contact with his eye and I'm forcing the kicking squirming Spencer onto his back. I forget about the burns and blisters. I forget that I'm meant to protect him and I pull at his clothing and he is saying 'Please don't – please stop.' But his voice is so quiet I hardly hear it over my own noises. And is face is salty as I lick away his tears and rip into him. And yes I've been whoring, but

…this is Spencer, and I've missed this. The feel of his ribs under my hands. His smell. His flesh. Spencer's hair and Spencer's body under mine. This is what made me weak. Sod drugs and alcohol and whatever else there is, Spencer is my vice. I don't know if this is love or just addiction, but I need this like I need air to breathe.

No, more than that, I can survive lack of oxygen. I can't survive lack of this sweet arse.

* * *


	21. Chapter 21 Picnic and BBQ

Picnic and BBQ

* * *

They told me it was a camper van.

The only thing camp about it is I can screw Spence in the back of it.

I need to keep moving. I need to say mobile. I cant afford to be found. All the time there is the thought that this thing which I am trying so hard to protect is going to be taken from me again. He knows the threat didn't work. Next time he will do it properly and whatever damage he has begun to do to me will be complete.

I need to contact Emily. Let her know I wont be back…for a while. I will return, just not yet. I have someone's cell phone I picked from a pocket and I'm about to hit the freeway; a good time to make the call to mama.

I've pulled over onto a hard gravelled area and I sit in silence for a while. I can hear Spencer moving around in the back of the van and the occasional yelp. He was crying earlier. I could hear him, but I didn't go and comfort him. I am trying to pull back. I got too involved. That is the problem. But now I don't know what to do. I can't not have him, yet I cant let this get to me.

This cell phone is pink and when I flip it open it has a picture of a dog as the wallpaper. I wonder if I should call her at home though. She'd be working now. Not that it matters in the end. Either way she is going to be pissed off with me. Actually thinking along those lines calling her at work is probably better. At least she wont scream at me. HAHA

I know her cell number and so that is the one I punch in now. They might well trace it, but I have every intention of being well gone by then.

I heard her voice on the other end.

'Hey.' I say and there is silence. 'It's me.'

_I know who it is. _

So she can hear me. 'I wanted to explain some stuff.'

_You are unbelievable._

'It wasn't me. It was a turkey baster darling.'

_Where are you? _

'I can't tell you that, but I need to say I'll be away for a while. I'm in mourning. I need to hide my butt away and grieve and recover.'

More silence.

'I'll be back before you have her.'

_There will be no "her" Floyd. I'm terminating this._

'You are killing our love child?'

_No, I am getting rid of this infestation. Where are you and who are you grieving for?_

It is my turn to be silent.

_Floyd! _

Her voice has risen. People are listening in. Hotchner is there. I can sense him

'Fine, if that is how you want it Em.' And I cut the connection. I pull the back off the phone and remove the sim card and chuck the phone out of the window. 'Bitch.' I mutter to myself and I want to go back and look at my cargo but I can't now. Now I have to get going. I listen out for him but he is silent now. Maybe sleeping, I dunno and I shouldn't care.

I start up again and pull out and head north again in the traffic. Whatever Emily decides to do I have no control over now. I can't go back and demand she keeps it. I can't go back and offer to be a doting father. I actually don't want that. I am driving erratically and too fast. Be careful – calm down, you don't want to get pulled over.

-o-o-o-

It was Garcia's idea.

We gathered together at the park down the road from Spencer's apartment and she laid out a big red and white cloth on the grass and Morgan had a ball to kick around and Emily brought a cd player with music – happy music.

Too long we have spent not talking about it. Not wanting to admit it, but this was it. Today we are going to read to each other and kick that darn ball and eat everything bad for you. Today we are saying – not goodbye, that is just too final, but more of a "See you when you get back." As though he was going away for while. We all have our own theories of what happened to Spencer. I see Garcia sometimes just standing looking out at where his desk used to be and big wet trails will slide down her face from behind her glasses. She has no doubts what happened. We all know that there was too much blood. We all know that the man had happily killed a child and we all know that Floyd had something to do with it, but if in a good or bad way I don't know. I really don't know.

Emily is sitting on the cloth with her shoes kicked off and her legs crossed. She is talking to Todd who never really knew Spencer but she is more here just because she is part of the team now. Dave is opening a bag of candies and Morgan has stopped kicking the ball and is looking through a book.

'I'll go first.' He tells us as they settle back down and I stand. I can't sit and relax and say my goodbye's like this. Something is wrong. Something is missing and I cant put my finger on it. I can hear his mellow voice sounding loud and clear and he reads some Poe and Pen is chewing a toffee and they look content and almost happy.

That feeling that something is wrong though won't go away. For a few more minutes I watch the team on the rug listening to Morgan but I can't join them. I can't relax.

I can't say goodbye or celebrate a loss. I'm not ready.

Slowly I turn a circle where I stand, searching for the wrongness and I see it almost immediately and I think it sees me too. A figure crouched in the shadows of the trees in the distance. Again I glance at the team and without another word I walk towards to person crouching there waiting. Waiting for what? – I'm not sure.

I was expecting Floyd. This is not what I was expecting. When I am within about twenty foot of him he stands and I see immediately it's not Floyd and I know it can't be who it looks like so I stand and stare at him. He stares back at me.

'I wanted to say goodbye.' His voice is rough and croaky. Considering who this is he shouldn't be talking at all. I glance behind me and see the others now have shifted places and Garcia seems to be reading something.

'Why would you want to say goodbye?' I take a few steps forward trying to get a better look. This person is in a long dark coat with baggy jeans and a red and white striped Tshirt. He's got on a pair of black Keds and what appears to be fingerless gloves. His hair is thick and dark and very dirty and hanging over a grubby face.

'Well it's like the end of something you know? I wanted to make sure you all knew. I wanted to see you in pain.'

I take another step forwards. 'Why?' I know I can't be talking to who this seems to be and I do wonder briefly if I am here at all or if I am in actuality asleep somewhere.

'Cos you failed to protect me and that failure caused the pain you are in now. Do you know how many people cried when I died?'

'You are not dead.' I tell him.

'Do you know how many people missed me? I just wanted to make sure someone missed Spencer. I wanted to see you hurting and in pain cos it makes me feel better.'

'You didn't die.' I tell him again.

'He took my damned head off…of course I bloody died! Christ Aaron, how can you deny that? Look.' And he pushes his hair back and tips back his head to show me the most revolting scar I've ever seen. 'It goes all around, if you want to see. Dad sewed it back on. He's good like that. He has a few talents. That's one of them.'

I go to take him by the arm, but he is quick and jumps back out of the way. 'I'm not going anywhere with you. You and your lot cause trouble. You caused me trouble. You harassed my family.'

I drop the hand I was going to grab him with and now I have a frown on my face, though I have good idea what he is talking of. 'The Carnival? Floyd was there?'

'We both were. But you were blinded to it. They saw to that. You might have upset a lot of people but you didn't find what you thought you would did you? You didn't find any lost boys and girls and you certainly didn't find Floyd or Spencer.' And now he is turning and walking away from me.

'Spencer was there?'

'No, not Spencer. He is long gone. You know that. Isn't that what this party is all about? That's why you didn't find anything Aaron, that's why there was nothing to find. You lost the family money. You lost them time. I have to go now. Work to do. I just wanted to come and see your sorrow. I wanted to see how you miss him. A shame he'll never know.' He turns back to me and I am wondering still if this is real or if I am sleeping. 'I'd have known. I'd have felt it inside me if I'd been missed. You Aaron, you felt something. I know that. Dad was just pissed off, but you felt something.' And he is turning again. 'I'm not going back to the Carnival. Don't bother looking for me. They disowned me when they got rid of dad.'

'Sam.' I start to follow him into the tree line but somehow he seems to be fading. 'Sam, where are you going?' There is something there, he was right. Some sort of responsibility I feel for him. I don't like that he is just leaving. I know what he did. I know that he killed that innocent girl, but now I know that locking me in the back of the car for all that time was not him.

'Hotch!' I can hear the voice calling behind me. Morgan's voice and so I walk quicker trying to keep up with Sam, but the further away from here he goes the more difficult it is to make him out.

'Sam!' I call to him, but now there is nothing but shadows and a fresh voice behind me.

'Are you OK man?' And hand is on my elbow gently touching.

I turn slowly to him. 'I thought, I thought I saw someone I knew.' And Derek nods and looks like he knows what I am talking about but obviously he doesn't. 'I wondered if it was a dream.' I mutter as I walk back out of the small wooded area and back over to the team, Morgan staying firmly at my side and acknowledging looks we are getting from Dave and Emily.

-o-o-o-

What we need is to start over and that is going to take a lot of time and a lot of hard work for both of us. For now…this is what I am having to do. I climb into the back of the van and I'm ready now for if he attacks and he has a couple more times, but I'm not going to smack him around. I shouldn't have hit him. I know that. I need to regain some trust but his mind's gone. I'm still trying to pull him back again to where it was before, cos I know it's there somewhere, hiding, but there. This then is my M.O. for now. I bring with me a drink.

'Here I have a drink for you.' I will say and he will either willingly take it or he will curl up and refuse it. Actually he hasn't done the willingly taking of it yet, but that will come eventually. I drag him out of his dirty corner and it is beginning to stink in here. Even for me it's stinking. So yeah…I drag him out by his feet and he struggles and wriggles and I have to make sure he is on his back. I'll talk about his scars later. Anywa I pull him out then I straddle him over his stomach. He will slap and claw at me and I will ignore it and take one of his hands in mine and just hold it. I'll do nothing. I'll just sit there and look at his face and hold his hand and gradually he becomes less frantic and after about half hour he is still and has stopped trying to get me off him. Then I offer the water again. He will refuse it and I will tell him, 'Babes you have to drink.' And sometimes I will see tears forming in his eyes and other times there is nothing, but those days I see those tears are the best, because that means a little bit of Spencer is there and understanding what is going on here. I'll let go of his hand now and sometimes he moves it and rests it on me. On my arm or on my chest or shoulder of something, just you know, just touching me gently, not pushing me away, and usually that is on the days I've seen those tears. Other times he will gently, try to push me away, but it's half hearted. He knows by now that I'm not going away and I think he knows I'm not about to hurt him, not like before. A sort of trust builds up before I shatter it again by forcing the liquid down him. Once…just the once he took hold of me. His fingers curled around my clothing and he held me and pulled me closer and I thought he was going to say something and his eyes seemed to know what was going on…Then as quickly as it was there, it was gone again. Once, but that is better than never don't you think? The drink is drugged. It sedates him and lets me do what I need to do with him. Not that – no – I've been leaving him alone. I want him to know who I am before I have him. I roll him onto his front and inspect his back. The lettering is quite clear now. Mostly it is along his spine and it says "filth, whore, dog, scum" amongst other things. I'm trying to heal it, but it's slow. I try to keep him clean, but as I said this place stinks. We need somewhere else. Somewhere for to stay at night. Every night. Somewhere safe and secure, but I don't want to be like an old married couple. Not yet anyway. I need to find that place first.

Now he is sedated I will lay there and just hold him for a while. No struggling or shouting and no crying and moaning. He just lies there with me and it's the best part of my day.

When he is sleeping I'll restrain him. I need to go out and do stuff. You know, Floyd type stuff. So I'd have parked up somewhere handy then I'll go find what I need.

It's not the same though. That quick few minutes against a wall or on my knees or however I need it that night, it's not the same as when I'm with a Spence who wants me. I will pay, or get paid and that's it, unless I'm able to pick up some slut from a bar, which sometimes I do. A quick nod and we have an agreement. Sometimes with some young lad, the younger the better if that's the way we're going, or maybe someone older who will have my arse and I'll be the slut for the night. In the end it really doesn't matter. Eventually I need to return to the stinking van and hope Spence is still in one piece.

I considered selling his arse once, but couldn't do it. I washed him up all ready for the evil act and then couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching him. So I killed the bastard and we ate him over the next few days. Obviously Spence didn't know what he was eating and I'm not going to tell him, but I cooked over open fires in the camping pull offs they have up here. No one else around this time of the year. Not this far North. Just me and my Spence, unless I've stopped in a town.

So for now I am thinking. I need to find something. Something legal. Where I can keep my eye on Spence all day and be with him at night, but still have access to boys.

I'm not going out tonight.

I'm sitting in the back of the van and he's sleeping and I am watching him and thinking what the hell to do next. I'm surprised no one has found us. I'm more than a little surprised too that the guys haven't located us. I wonder if they are even looking. What did Jules tell them? Where the hell is Sam? I know he is still around but I don't think he's with the family either. I have a feeling he is whoring too. Family trait and something I never used to admit to doing. Something though which just seems to come so damned naturally that I can't stop myself. It's my talent. HAHA!

A shop of some kind. We need a shop with somewhere to live above it, but I don't know what sort of place to get. Candy store maybe. The thought makes me smile. I can cook up my own candies and crap and we can sell it to the kids and the specials we can sell to the adults. I could even make special toys to sell…you know…dolls, made of soft peachy leather.

I lean forward and touch the back of Spencer's head. 'Hey babes…I have an idea. I think I know what to do.' And I lie down behind him and wrap my arms tightly around him and breathe in his soft smell.

* * *


End file.
